If I have learned nothing else from reading this book, it is that I will never, EVER buy a book as a gift that I have not personally read, ever again. Never, ever.
Topping From Below - Laura Reese
An explosive, erotic novel about two sisters, each of whom embarks upon a voyage into the heart of evil and a game with a seductive man who knows no rules or limits. Only one returns. Successful, attractive, and in control, Nora seemed so different from her shy, terribly vulnerable younger sister. Grieving for Franny, Nora reads her diary and is stunned when it reveals a secret sadomasochistic affair with a mysterious professor known only as M. Nora vows to seek justice for the sister she never really knew and undertakes a daring scheme to seduce this lethal and manipulative man in the hope of uncovering information about the murder. Instead, she finds herself in thrall to his bizarre sexual magnetism, trapped in a passion so dark and perverse, and yet so compelling, that she is willing to risk her life. And she is in danger, although it may be from someone much closer to her than M., someone so close she might not see it until it is too late. With an ending as startling as it is haunting, Topping From Below is unlike any novel you’re ever read. Ever.
So full disclosure, I bought this book at Barnes & Noble on clearance. It was around Christmas time and they had some really great clearance books, so I actually bought three copies of this. Two of my friends got it in this little hodge podge Christmas gift from me, and then I kept one. Both friends read the book and didn't say much other than it was definitely interesting. I just now got around to reading it and holy SHIT. I don't know whether to be mortified that I gifted friends this book or scared that they didn't tell me how incredibly screwed up and terrifying it is.
Because this? This is not like Fifty Shades of Grey at all. Not at all. Yes, it has the BDSM element to it, but this is now the third book with a BDSM element that has literally scared the Jesus out of me. The difference between this and erotica books similar to Fifty Shades and Sylvia Day's Crossfire series is that this version of BDSM is heavily violent. It's violent and it's incredibly degrading. For all of the people who tout Fifty Shades as not a romance and a horrible example of a sexual relationship? You people are absolute pussies because that's nothing. That looks like light slaps on the ass before climax. This is a whole other ball game. There is one scene towards the beginning that absolutely should have made me stop reading (but I didn't because I thought SURELY that has to be the worst), and it's where a woman has her nipples suckled by piglets. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not even going to re-type it out to emphasize it because the sheer thought of this?
There is something really wrong with you as a human being to even think of this, let alone subject another human to this.
I can read a lot of really questionable things, but this one.... this one really was too much. Just way too much. Not to mention the characters? I hate them all. I hate them. I feel kind of bad for Franny, the sister who was murdered, because I think she was looking for a relationship to be loved and maybe was looking for an older guy to be kind of a father figure as well, combine that with her obvious low self-esteem and right there, you have a woman who says "go ahead, abuse me- I won't mind!" all over her. So in walks Michael, a classic abuser, who sees that and snatches her right up for what he calls play time. Well she ends up murdered so her sister Nora decides to figure out how to make Michael pay because she's certain it's his fault. Except she's an asshole too, who basically was so self absorbed she couldn't see the issues her sister was having, and she then starts up a relationship with Michael to basically drudge up evidence that he killed Franny. Except it all goes to shit because OBVIOUSLY IT WOULD. The author gives Michael a kind of lack luster "justice" and after I read it I had a feeling of, "Are you serious? This is IT???" and it's just bizarre. I finished the book feeling angry and disgusted. If you have this on your "to-read" shelf, I highly suggest you ask yourself how hard core of a BDSM book do you want because this is not the fairy tale, let's-just-have-fun type BDSM. Not at all.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
If I have learned nothing else from reading this book, it is that I will never, EVER buy a book as a gift that I have not personally read, ever again. Never, ever.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
So this weekend I had to go grocery shopping. I'm going to admit fully that being at home all day with Penelope means I do a LOT of snacking throughout the day. It's not even healthy stuff, it's crackers, cookies, and ice cream. Sometimes I forget to eat a meal because it means I will be too full to have cookies and ice cream and that's not a world I want to live in.
But this weekend there were some sales on cookies and other snack things, which is clearly the universe telling me to continue this trend. One item on sale was Keebler cookies, 2 for $5. BUT! I had coupons, so I would end up getting 2 for $3.75. Deal.
I opt for the ol' standby, those shortbread cookies with the chocolate drizzle on them. Who doesn't love those things? (I do. I love them a lot and my family didn't even know we had them because they are now gone.) I also buy these, because the package feels like I'm getting a bunch and they look good. But when I got home and opened them?
I of course ate a cookie out of anger at this point. And then discovered that it's not even real marshmallow in the middle! It's like a weird marshmallow flavored paste. It's absolutely foul. I then make both kids and Matt eat these because I have to know if my tastes post-third-baby have gone astray, but no- they also confirm how incredibly disgusting these are. Not only are you trying to process marshmallow paste, but the graham cracker is so dry and crumbly it has the consistency of cardboard that was once wet but now dry and brittle.
And then I just got angry all over again that I spent any money on these damn things.
I obviously then went and had some ice cream because Edy's Double Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream NEVER lets me down.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Oooh... I bet you thought Matt did something really wrong, didn't you? Sadly, nothing fun and salacious, just another book review!
The Husband's Secret - Liane Moriarty
At the heart of The Husband’s Secret is a letter that’s not meant to be read
My darling Cecilia, if you’re reading this, then I’ve died...
Imagine that your husband wrote you a letter, to be opened after his death. Imagine, too, that the letter contains his deepest, darkest secret—something with the potential to destroy not just the life you built together, but the lives of others as well. Imagine, then, that you stumble across that letter while your husband is still very much alive. . . .
Cecilia Fitzpatrick has achieved it all—she’s an incredibly successful businesswoman, a pillar of her small community, and a devoted wife and mother. Her life is as orderly and spotless as her home. But that letter is about to change everything, and not just for her: Rachel and Tess barely know Cecilia—or each other—but they too are about to feel the earth-shattering repercussions of her husband’s secret.
Acclaimed author Liane Moriarty has written a gripping, thought-provoking novel about how well it is really possible to know our spouses—and, ultimately, ourselves.
To be honest, I strictly bought this for the cover. As it turns out, my method of judging a book by the cover still works for me because this was a really good book. Easily this book would be a hit with reading groups and book clubs because there is so much that you could argue with this book.
The book centers around three main characters:
Cecilia: Finds a mysterious letter written by her husband which clearly tells her to not read it until after he's passed away. But things are kind of off in their marriage and as we all know, curiosity will kill the cat, and so she absolutely totally reads it. Oh shut up, we ALL would. Hell, let's be honest- if I found such a letter for someone else, I would probably still read it. But the contents of the letter are HUGE.
Tess: She's maybe my favorite character. Mostly because Tess is approached by her husband and her cousin (who is basically like a twin sister to Tess) and is informed that they have fallen in love. THEN her husband has the balls to suggest that all three of them live together. Not to mention? Tess and her husband have a little boy, Liam, so the whole thing is absurd. So Tess does what we all would do, she packs up her boy and she travels to the other side of Australia to stay with her mother until she comes up with a game plan on how to handle this. Except she runs into an old boyfriend and everything gets exponentially more complicated.
Rachel: My least favorite character. She's a widow and is reeling from the murder of her daughter years ago. She still has her son, his wife (who she doesn't like), and her beloved grandson. Except she is informed that they are moving clear across the world to New York, seemingly leaving her all alone in her grief. She's very much a "feel sorry for myself" and she desperately wants the man who killed her daughter to be arrested, but she's the only one who thinks he was involved.
Cue a super tragic car accident to not only bring to light the revelations of Cecilia's husband, give Rachel closure, and help Tess make a decision.
Overall? Really good read. I managed to read this book while letting Penelope nap on my chest and it was hard to put down. There was a few chapters where I felt like giving up once I read what the husband's secret was, but then I decided I really wanted to see what was going to happen to him, what would Cecilia ultimately do? I really thought the epilogue was fascinating because it's basically the "what could have been".
There are so many secrets about our lives that we'll never know. - page413
There is another passage that just hit me, because I think any of us who has experienced some kind of betrayal in our marriage can relate to it:
And once the waves (of hatred) passed, there would still be love. It was an entirely different feeling from the uncomplicated, unstinting adoration she'd felt as a young bride, walking down the aisle to that serious, handsome man; but she knew that no matter how much she hated him for what he'd done, the love was still there, like a deep seam of gold in her heart. It would always be there. - page 411
Doesn't that just... hit home? Of course it does. Because no matter what our spouse does, at the end of the day, you can't just shut off the fact that you love them. With time, two lives are so intertwined that you can't just untangle them and move on. That there is always that love, sometimes buried deep but it's there, and that? That's what you need to find to make the decisions to move a marriage forward. The couples married their whole lives? They never lost sight of that love, no matter what was going on in attempts to bury it.
You can purchase this book on Barnes & Noble and Amazon.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
You guys know I absolutely would not steer you wrong when it comes to books you should read because they are books you will love, right? Good, because whip out your credit cards and order this one right now.
It's Not Me, It's You - Mhairi McFarlane
What do you do when your hour-old fiance sends you a text for the Other Woman? Apart from break something valuable. Like his face.
Another hilarious and romantic story from the author of the bestselling YOU HAD ME AT HELLO.
Delia Moss isn't quite sure where she went wrong. Everything was going smoothly. Ok, she had a slightly rubbish job working for the council and she hadn t seen her best friend Emma in god knows how long, but she'd been working up to proposing to Paul for months. This. Was. It.
But with one annoying little beep beep, Delia's life is turned upside down and rather than stick around and commit GBH by punching her cheating scumbag boyfriend (who still wants to be with her) in the chops, she decides the best thing to do would be get some head space and leave for London.
But a new city is never going to be the answer, and with a dodgy new job in media PR, where a suspicious yet devastatingly handsome journalist seems to be sniffing around and endangering her job, Delia can't run forever. Where did the old Delia go? And can she get her back?
This was EASILY the best book for me to read while holding Penelope for hours so she would sleep. It clocks in at 531 pages, so a bit longer than I usually enjoy, but it was so good. I don't even know where to start with the review to fully convince you to purchase this baby, but I'm going to try.
The story is about Delia, who has been with her boyfriend Paul for years. She has gotten tired of waiting for a proposal from him so she decides to buck tradition and ask him to marry her. She's got the entire thing planned out and it was romantic. Until he is only kind of excited about the prospect. Determined to not let his lackluster reaction bring her down, they go to a pub to celebrate when she receives a text from Paul that was clearly meant to go to someone else.
Cue her world falling apart.
Because as it turns out, Paul isn't faithful so she does what every reasonable gal would do- she packs a few bags and heads home. Only she can't stay at home with her parents and brother for long because it's quite obvious she's the odd duck in the odd family so she packs up again and heads to London to stay with her best friend, who is a highly successful lawyer. Delia decides to find a job while in London and ends up at a sketchy PR agency with a total douchebag of a boss. Almost immediately she falls victim to a blackmailing scam by a freelancing journalist out to ruin her boss. Begrudgingly, Delia finds herself being a double spy of sorts because she's really damned if she does, damned if she doesn't.
All the while, Paul is making if very clear he wants Delia back. He's sending romantic gestures, trying to call her, and she just isn't sure because as their shared dog is dying, she realizes Paul lied when he "fessed up", though he says it was to prevent hurting her more. Douchebag.
But THEN!!!! Delia finds herself a bit enamored by Adam, the man blackmailing her, when it becomes clear that she has to take the reigns of the job situation. And Adam is kind of dreamy and I was rooting for him hard. HARD, I tell you.
I got a little worried towards the end that Delia was going to screw it all up and end up with the wrong guy and then even I got a little confused on who she should go to, but then I decided NO. It's so clear, please, please, please let Delia see who the clear winner of her love triangle is.
I can't tell you if she does or not because that would be a spoiler, but I can tell you I was on the edge of my seat the entire book. I absolutely loved it. I loved how Delia just wanted to be loved, she wanted to feel loved, she wanted a job she didn't hate and it'd be really nice if she could just find her niche in the world. She was always just a part of someone else's niche, she never really had her own. So she's the underdog really, and you find yourself rooting for her and it's so refreshing to not hate the main character. Truly. So many women's fiction books are so heavy and you end up hating characters but not here. This book is so fun, it feels like a real thing you've gone through or watched a friend go through, and you just enjoy every page. I highly recommend this if you are looking for a fun read.
You can get the book at Amazon or Barnes & Noble, but in the meantime, check out Mhairi's Twitter page. She has other books, which I'll be adding to my to-read list FOR SURE.
The great news, is I have ONE COPY to give away to a lucky reader in US/Canada! To win a copy, here are your tasks:
1. Follow this blog on Bloglovin!
2. Leave a comment on this post WITH your email address so I can contact you after the giveaway!
3. Optional: Follow me on Twitter and then leave me a comment with your Twitter information and I'll follow you back!
That's it! I'll draw a winner on Wednesday, May 27- good luck!
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
I'm not kidding. I thought pregnancy brain was bad this time around but honestly, baby brain is worse. The bonus to having to go back to work eight weeks after having a baby was that I had to keep on track of things like, days of the week and a general sense of the date. But this time, since I'm off work until the fall, I literally have no idea it is anymore. I know today is Tuesday only because Olivia reminded me she has dance tonight, but beyond that it's all kind of a blur. I pretty much have no idea where in the month of May we are, and that's kind of an awful feeling.
The other thing I'm struggling with this week is depression. I think I'm beyond the "baby blues" and that I've moved right on to post-partum depression, though it's not nearly as bad as it was with Olivia. Which thank god, because my summer would be horrendous if that were the case. I didn't have anything with Jackson so I had hoped that maybe this time if I got anything, it would be just a few days of hormonal madness and then I would be fine.
And then I thought I was fine. I had a couple of really good days where I felt on top of everything and like I could manage it all and be just fine.
Until I decided to venture out into the world with Penelope and interact with people and try to connect with other adults. A few people mentioned how tired I looked, which isn't good considering Matt mostly does all of the night time feedings. He's exhausted but he's also not getting a lot of sleep. I'm exhausted because even though technically I can sleep, I'm not getting into a deep sleep so it's useless. I can't sleep during the day when Penelope sleeps because if by chance I do fall asleep, I have a fear I won't hear her cry because I don't really hear her at night. So that's out.
The other kicker? I have lots of people who offered to come and help, watch Penelope on their own, take Olivia and Jackson for a night, or all three, let Matt and I go out for dinner kid free, a whole variety of things. And none of it sounds good. I'm at the point where I don't really want to leave my house, and I don't really want to see people. I don't really want to do anything. I also don't want to leave Penelope with anyone, which is the strangest part of this whole thing. I remember when I had Olivia, I was so depressed I didn't want to be with my baby at all. Like not even a little bit. I would beg for someone to just come watch her, I would beg Matt to come home early from work, just to get away from her because I couldn't do it. With Penelope, I don't feel any of that. I just want to hold her all of the time (handy since she doesn't like to be put down to sleep) and be alone.
So I don't know. I called my OB office to see if I can get an anti-depressant and maybe I didn't sound convincing enough but they really want me to try to make it to my six week appointment, which is in three more weeks. I guess my next plan is to just call every single day until they get fed up. What I should really do is leave a message for the nurse at 4am, which is usually when I'm rocking Penelope because Matt has gone to work and I just cry in the rocking chair with her. I get it all out before the kids wake up for school so I don't make them worry. But the thought of being on anti-depressant again makes me feel a thousand times worse. Yes, I know it's beyond my control. Yes, I know they can be helpful and if you need them, you need them. But I also know I've tried several different ones over the years and every one of them make me feel nothing at all. Like I'm in a box of gray. No happy, no sad, nothing. I'm ambivalent towards things that should make me happy or proud. Things that should make me angry or upset don't even make sense to me. I feel foggy. I feel like I'm constantly in the state right before you get the flu really bad- achy and tired. So my options are feeling all of that or crying randomly. It's kind of a terrible choice, really.
The worst right now is having people tell me that it'll get better, that they had the blues too, that I look really great anyways, or worst of all- to enjoy this time with her. Like, fuck you and "enjoy this time". Seriously. Who wants to enjoy hours of rocking a baby while crying? If you enjoy that, there is something really wrong with you.
Bah- who knows. Maybe tomorrow I'll be better. It's not awful every day. It's very up and down. Some days I feel really great and I can't get enough baby time with her. Other days I feel like I can't get enough baby time with her but I'm crying and I don't know why.
But it'll be OK. It always works out. Somehow I always manager to pull myself out of these ruts.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
If you know my cats at all, you know they are absolute pigs. And when I say pigs, I really mean it. We should meet the herd, first.
Week two with Penelope has gone a bit easier. This week Matt went back to work and that has been the hardest adjustment so far. The really great thing was that Matt did all of the night time feedings and shenanigans when he was home so I could get some rest. Which is just so incredibly great and believe me when I say I don't take that for granted at all. I fully know I'm beyond lucky with him. So with Monday being his first day back at work, I got up with Penelope. All six times. Needless to say, I was in rough shape Monday morning.
Which meant taking the kids to school in my night gown, with sweatpants under it, and a hoodie covering the fact I wasn't wearing a bra and a hair tie stuck in my hair from the bun I fell asleep in. Jackson was pretty concerned I was going to walk them into school like that but I didn't. The plan was to get home, feed Penelope again and hope to god she'd fall asleep in her swing.
Except that didn't happen. She ate like a champ and fell asleep in my arms. Which meant I was going to try to detangle my hair and put makeup on with one hand. I managed but it certainly wasn't easy.
So after that, I felt a bit more human, so I managed to get dressed and start some laundry, while holding her. I tried to put her in my baby carrier but her head still feels too floppy for comfort so I gave that up. Maybe in a few weeks that'll be more handy.
Penelope and I have had a couple of outings just her and I as well. No poop explosions and no mommy freakouts or crying fits. It feels really strange to do things on my own and I'll be honest, I feel so out of practice it's awful. People keep asking me if this is my first and when I say no, that I actually have two others, I get the, "what the hell is her problem" look in a sometimes polite way. But seriously, I really do feel out of practice. So I'm pushing myself to get out more and do things on my own.