Calgon needs to take me right flipping now.

It's no secret I've had a fairly stressful couple of weeks. But in the larger picture, this entire year has been stressful. Actually, I can't remember the last time I sat around and was like, "Dang- things are going good right now. No stress, no worries, awesome." Seriously- it's been years since I've had that.

Recently I haven't felt really well and I knew that eventually- I would get some kind of sign that things need to change. And I'm a stubborn person so I basically wear myself until there isn't anything left and I'm angry that I let it get to that point. So while for a few months now I have been walking around with the equivalent of a pit of stress in my stomach, what feels like a bowling ball in my uterus, and occasional stabbing pain where my ovaries are. I feel anxious all of the time. When I do exercise sometimes I feel like I can't catch my breath. If I look on WebMD it says I might have prostate cancer. I try not to think about that because I don't have a prostate... so it's all very stressful. And probably best to ask a real live doctor.

Today I had my annual checkup at the OB and she's looking at me like I'm nuts as I'm explaining my symptoms and while we've ruled out pregnancy (yay!), she has no idea what the frack is wrong with me. I have an ultrasound scheduled for July (so it can't be that serious, right? If I have to wait until July?) and I am waiting for blood work to come back.

What she was able to tell me is that my blood pressure is 145/100. That was my lowest of three readings. So clearly I have high blood pressure today. Is it stress? Maybe. Is it a wake up call to eat better and for real get out and exercise? Yes.

Then on my drive home I'm trying to think of ways to get less stressed out. I see an email from our Realtor that the home inspector (that came to our house for our buyer) recommended a foundation specialist. Now, it's because he either couldn't fit in the crawl space or it was too wet for him to try since it was raining, but it freaks me out. I think of nothing but bad things that could come of this. I could have not one foundation issue but in my head I translate that to, "Holy shit my house is falling apart, and it'll never sell, and I can't afford to fix that because it would be expensive probably and I bet I can't even sell a kidney because ow-  my kidney hurts because I think I have to pee, and what if I pee my pants because I clearly held it for too long.." and continue. It's non stop in my head. I am completely incapable to hearing something like "foundation specialist" and be like, "Oh- no big deal.".

Then I tell Matt all of this and he's all like, "Sara- shut up. My show is on. But that sucks your stomach hurts." I freak out (inside of course, because the kids are right there), and in my head I'm like, "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! What if I have fucking cancer! I bet you'll feel bad then! Because who is going to wash your wet socks and dirty underwear? Huh? HUH? My children will end up as dirty, hungry orphans with dirty, mismatched socks and unbrushed hair!"

Maybe none of this is rational, but it's what goes through my head.

All I know is that days like today make me want to run away from home. And be homeless on a beach. Hurricanes be damned.

And at the same time, it makes me lose hope in the medical community. I mean, I've had a neurologist tell me I'm not really having migraines, I'm just depressed. I've had one doctor give me four medications for morning dizziness. I've had another doctor they have no idea why when I get a migraine I lose vision but maybe I shouldn't chew gum.

I don't even chew gum.

*sigh*

So when I go today and they draw a shit ton of blood, make me pee in a cup, and orders an ultrasound and says, "I guess if these all come back... you're OK." Um, I don't think a blood draw, urine in a cup and an ultrasound will make stabbing in my stomach/uterus/ovaries stop, but I guess I'll try?  I mean, what the fuck do I know- I came in thinking I had prostate cancer.

I might boycott tipping.

Over the past few weeks we have eaten out a lot, which sounds terrible but it was mostly because our house had people looking at it... so we couldn't be there. And it was over dinner time. And by the time we were able to get back in, it was time to do homework/get ready for bed.

So.

We've been out  lot. And I know I mentioned a few years ago how one time I did not tip because our waitress basically ignored me, brought me the wrong food, never did get my salad and never refilled my drink but was ALL OVER my brother. I didn't tip her because she really sucked at her job, and the hate mail. OH, the hate mail.

A lot of people were quite heated that I chose not to tip. And at first I felt bad like, "shit- they do make a crappy wage and maybe she's homeless because I didn't put down my $3..". I really did feel bad and from then on, I have been a tipper. I tipped for everything out of fear someone would say what a rude bitch I was for not tipping.

But then I've recently decided, no. No, I am not tipping you for a shitty job. When I go out to eat I have basic expectations. I expect to be seated quickly (unless it's way busy, then I totally understand a wait), I expect to get a drink before having to look at my menu, I don't want to be rushed to decide, and when I order? Make sure you bring me what I order. If I say no mayo- that sandwich better be mayo-fucking-free. I expect you to come refill my drinks when it looks low. Don't leave me parched 20 minutes into my meal hoping my ice melts so I don't die of thirst.

And for the love of fucking god- if I'm sitting there, with an empty plate? Assume I want my bill. Then bring me my change back quickly. Don't walk around with it for another 20 minutes. A simple lunch salad and soda should not be an 75 minute affair. When I'm with one person. It's obscene.

So tipping wait staff I guess I can kind of understand it. But tipping everybody else in the world? No. I will not tip you for getting my muffin out of a display case and putting it into a paper bag. That's your job. I know for a fact that you are getting paid at least minimum wage- your wage is to compensate you for putting my muffin into the bag. I just paid almost $5 for a god damn muffin and orange juice- I don't have to give you more. It's not like you walked the muffin out to my car for me in the rain.

I don't know why we've gone tip crazy. I guess I feel like a tip should be because somebody did something over and beyond what is expected of them. We tip the paper boy- why? He's hired to deliver the paper- why are we tipping him for that? Because he showed up? HE'S SUPPOSED TO. Or he could get fired. We tip our hair dresser- why? We're specifically going to get a hair cut- that's what they do. It's not even like you're tipping before they do your hair so they don't do something horrible. We tip baristas- why? They are hired to put fancy coffee into cups. That's their job. We tip valets- why? They are supposed to take your car and park it god knows where and then hopefully find it when you need it again. That's their job.

It's like people can't just be happy to have a job and wage. They just feel entitled to have more. It's ridiculous. It's definitely gotten out of hand as far as I'm concerned. If I think about how much I've shelled out in tips alone over the last year? Hundreds. Do you know what I could do with hundreds of dollars?

I could buy a new back splash for my new kitchen in my new house. I could buy a pony. I could even buy a goat. Maybe even two goats. I could buy a couple pairs of shoes. I could feet starving children in some country somewhere. But no, I'm shelling it out to some entitled college punk who can't even get my order right.

American Idol- we're coming for you.

So Olivia had her spring concert at school earlier this month and I'm just now getting around to telling you about it. She had been practicing for weeks and I swear to you that if I have to hear "On Top of Spaghetti" one more time I might actually lose it.

Oh, and they had an art show at the same time. And they have hands down, the best art teacher ever, because the artwork was displayed a thousand times better than last year. Olivia wanted me to make sure I got a picture of her volcano, which she was extra proud of. They got to pick one piece to put in the show and she knew all along this is the one she'd pick.

And let us all rejoice that she didn't grow and I could have her wear the same dress for the Father/Daughter dance she went to! YAY! Look at her- all big girl totally making her way to the stage.

Can you spot her, totally singing her heart out?

 She did a fabulous job and eagerly sang every song.

 And did the dance moves to them all like they learned.

And of course, posed for pictures because you know I took a ton and had to pick my favorites for this post.

But what's so funny is that when you meet her? She's a pretty mild mannered kid. Sure, she can get loud and crazy from time to time, but if she's not with her brother, she's pretty shy and quiet. Put her on a stage? She goes all in for it. Wait until you see her dance recital pictures. I swear, next year? Next year I'm taping her somehow because she is hysterical.

Now that her spring concert is done, she has gone back to singing Justin Bieber and the dreaded Taylor Swift on her karaoke machine. God help us all.

Terminus

An interesting twist on life after death. Kind of.

Terminus - Joshua Graham


Having witnessed one too many senseless deaths, Nikolai, a disillusioned Reaper 3rd Class, resigns his commission with the Angel Forces after a tedious century of gathering souls. 

Immediately, another division recruits him with the promise of a more rewarding career, and issues his initial assignments: To bring down a few very dangerous threats to the human race. In the process, Nikolai falls in love with one of his targets Hope Matheson, a woman who will lead thousands astray. 

Caught between conflicting agendas, Nikolai chooses to fall from his celestial state and become mortal in order to circumvent angel law and be with her. But for angels and humans alike, things are not always as they appear. Still a target, the threat against Hope s life intensifies. 

Now, in order to save her, Nikolai must rally the last remnants of his failing supernatural abilities to prevent her assassination, as well as the destruction of an entire city by a nuclear terrorist strike. 

But his time and power are running out... 

Terminus is a perspective-altering saga that delves into ageless themes of redemption, destiny, and the eternal power of love.

I have actually read quite a few books that have the fallen angel theme to it and it doesn't matter how many I read, they are all so different yet all very interesting. This book moves quickly, so even though it's just shy of 500 pages- do not let that sway you. You'll get sucked in quickly and you won't be able to put it down. 

Nikolai is like a typical guy who eventually starts to hate his job. He finds no satisfaction in it, doesn't understand why it's important and grows weary. So when he basically goes to resign all together, he gets recruited for another "division" where he is basically in charge of stopping these three humans who would, if left alone, lead thousands astray and basically be bad for life as a whole. Easy enough, different than what he's doing, and he's actually making sure people who should die do. 

Except that's not really how it plays out and he actually falls in love with one of these people he's supposed to get rid of. But you can't do that because that's breaking angel law so he "falls" and becomes a mortal to get around the law and help her out. But oh surprise, that isn't really OK either because now you're really pissing off angel authority and she is still a target. 

I can't really tell you more because it would basically ruin the ending of the book. Or the last third at least. I absolutely loved this book because I really liked Nikolai. And dammit- I liked Hope too. She's got some issues but deep down- I kind of like the girl. 

The one thing about the story that I did struggle with was how it switches points of view and story line. They all run simultaneously, and you are flipped around quite a bit, and until you know really what's going on- you're left wondering how the hell all of these pieces fit together. But then it does and it works out and makes sense- but I did struggle for awhile trying to understand why these different points of views are happening, and how were they going to come together. 

Overall? 4/5 stars. Really. It's really that good. Such a good twist to the whole fallen angel, but not different where you think the author has really gone over the edge. Very good book. 

Fleetwood Mac.

So it dawned on me that I forgot to tell you I saw Fleetwood Mac back in April. It was kind of great because I went with my mom and despite our absolute nosebleed seats- it was an amazing concert. Best $200 I've spent in a long time. They basically played every single hit- they sound like they haven't aged a day and it was just very cool.

Fun fact- did you know I was named after a Fleetwood Mac song? True story.

They even played some of Stevie Nicks' hits from her solo career and a few of Lindsey Buckingham's. And I don't care how old they get- I have always held hope they'd get back together. Even though they are both married. Whatever. It's like peanut butter and jelly- they should never be separate.

Fun fact #2- my mom went to see Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty on tour when she was pregnant with me.

The total fan geek in me got all excited when Stevie comes out in her full dress, tambourine and her top hat. So wish I could have gotten pictures. They actually banned pictures and that's kind of bullshit if you ask me.

You know what else annoys me? When people constantly get up and down during a show. It's like, get drunk before, people. Get your drinks and sit the fuck down. I'm not trying to have you shove your ass in my face and step on my feet so you can get more beer. You're ruining it for me. Oh, and if you do get drunk? Don't be offended when everyone around you complains and eventually has you kicked out. Because that happened to the entire row behind us. We didn't get up to complain but another lady a few seats down did because these girls were drunk and apparently sloshing their drinks on people and singing to songs that very much were not playing. I always like watching people get kicked out of shows for being drunken fools.

I did sneak one picture- they did at least two encores, I think they even did three, and I took this picture during "Silver Springs".

Overall it was a really great night out with my mom. It was nice to talk to her on the long drive there and back and then during dinner. AND it was ridiculously warm the entire way there and even when we left so it was nice to get a break from the cold and snow here. I like going to concerts with my mom because all of my friends kind of think seeing the classic bands is a waste and I don't think so at all. This is what I grew up listening to and I still rock out to it.

What about the new house? Or, how we might be homeless for 15 days.

It can never be said my life hasn't been full of adventure. In fact, I can't think of one thing in my life that went smoothly and without stress, drama, multiple bathroom trips, and middle of the night runs to Walmart for toilet paper. It really is quite the life I lead. I should never have thought that selling and buying a house at the same time would be easy, smooth, or enjoyable.

Perhaps I really am insane after all. Let's give you a run down of what my last week was like, shall we?

• Listed our house on the market two weeks ago as of tomorrow. 
• Last week we received four offers to purchase our home. 
• We sorted through them all and picked one on Friday. 
• We even looked at more houses, one of which was so horrific I want to say "Give her a raise!" to the Realtor who took the pictures because by god, those pictures were deceiving. 
• We decided on a big, purple/blue house that has been on the market and vacant for the last 7 months. Sure, it's old, but it's solid. It's big, it's something we could really grow into as a family. 
• So after picking a buyer for our house, we put an offer in on our Purple Dream. 
• We go the entire weekend with loose bowel movements and briefly debate the merits of Depends because both of us are fighting over a bathroom. 
• Monday comes and guess what? Our Purple Dream sellers are assholes. They counter a ridiculous amount. We counter back with a less ridiculous amount. 
• They re-counter, standing firm. We say fine, but you're leaving your swing set/play set, appliances AND your porch furniture. Whores. (Except our Realtor says we can't call them whores. Apparently that looks bad.)
• They take their sweet fucking time getting back to us and finally agree. Douchebags. 
• We find out that HEY! The sale of our house is happening June 13 (30 days as of yesterday) but hold the fucking phone- there's a very good chance we cannot close on our Purple Dream in less than 45. 
• We are now in the predicament of being homeless for 15 days. Sadsies. 
• Quietly regretting selling the mini-van afterall. 
• Start packing anyways because no matter where we are, the new buyers are not going to want our crap in here. 
• We cannot afford a POD (holy shit I'd have to sell myself for a solid week), we cannot afford a storage unit and yay! Our parent's basements and garages are already full. Awesome. 
• There is a really good chance we might be living in a Uhaul. At least for 9 days because the other 6 of that we're in Florida. But our three mentally deficient cats are with us so... I don't know that they would handle a Uhaul for that long really well. 
• Today we got papers from the bank and we electronically signed them. 
• Only afterwards did I realize it's the wrong offer amount. 
• Lots of swears started happening as well as frantic emailing to nice bank lady. 

So that's where we are as of RIGHT NOW. There are lots of things freaking me out aside from being homeless. While that's not ideal, I'm more worried that something totally out of our control will derail everything. Like, what if the home inspection finds something wrong with our current house that we don't even know about? That would suck. I hope if they find anything that the buyer isn't a psycho and flips out and just says screw it all. 

Mostly because I spent and entire weekend packing my scrapbooking shit and my books. It took me all weekend, folks. Put that into perspective. That's only 4 shelves and a closet. I'm basically screwed. And out of boxes. 

Grim

Here's a really good crime/suspense book that you should absolutely not read at night, or if you're scared of the dark. There's a bit of forewarning for you.

Grim - Joseph Spencer

In a gritty town rife with organized crime, dirty cops and corrupt politicians, Detective Adam White stands alone as the people's symbol of justice and hope for a brighter future.  He's cracked the biggest cases, and stood up to the crime families who've torn apart Prairieville with their power struggles. He's gorgeous, humble and incorruptible; a crime fighter so pure that the locals nicknamed him the White Knight.

What the people don't know is their reluctant hero is cracking before their eyes. Ten years have passed since a pack of bank robbers gunned down his wife in the street. He's relentlessly worked every case he could get his hands on since that night with the hopes of finding some link to her killer, but every lead always winds up a dead end. He made a vow on her death bed that he wouldn't stop looking or move on with his life, personal or otherwise, until her killer was either dead or behind bars.

His obsession is starting to affect his work, including a new set of murders which are eerily similar to cold cases in which a gangland legend called The Reaper is the main suspect. A routine canvas of the area in which the bodies were found led Detective White to Heath Grim, a reclusive millionaire with grisly facial scars and a past which doesn't quite add up. There's something about his story which makes Detective White curious to dig deeper into his background.

Just as Detective White closes in on his killer, the mob hatches an elaborate scheme which could cost him everything. In his moment of need, an unlikely ally presents a way out of the plot against him and information on his wife's killer. However, it leaves Prairieville's paragon of justice with a moral dilemma. Can he abandon all of the heroic ideals upon which he's based his life and become the type of man he's hunted for so long to settle a score with his wife's killer?I

So first of all, lots of gore in here. To the point where I actually had nightmares and envisioning the character of Grim is not something I would recommend. Aside from that, this story has all kinds of twists and turns, and while you think you know what's going on you really don't until you get towards the end. Grim's character actually reminded me a lot of Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker in Batman, but you almost feel bad for the guy who clearly has a slew of mental health issues. 

Then on the flip side you have Detective White who is seemingly this straight laced, all American, blue collar guy fighting crime. But then you find out a little more about him and I was never really sure what I thought about him, but his character was a really good fit for this role. If that makes any sense. 

What I really enjoyed about this book? Is that you literally could not put it down. Things happened really quickly and you almost feel as if you are in the middle of it. The description of the crime scene makes you feel like you are right there looking at it, and then everything from start to finish is go, go, go. The best part is that it really makes you question morality. Do you do things by the book because it's the law, or do you look at the rationale and let it go? It's really not a black or white issue and this book challenges you all the way to the end. You absolutely would never know this was Joseph Spencer's debut novel- the writing was fantastic and nothing felt forced throughout the whole book. There were some parts of the book that are familiar in other books in the thriller/crime/suspense genre, but honestly I felt like he put his own twist on it. 

I really enjoyed this book and I think if you really like crime/suspense/thriller and anything to do about death- you're going to really like this one. But I really did have a couple nights of nightmares and so that was not awesome.