So eventually I will get my fat lazy ass around to posting my 30/30 list, but one of the items on there is to run/walk/drag myself/hitch a ride on someone else across the line of a 5K. Now, my runner neighbor Amy tells me this is easy and totally doable. Those who actually know me really well (and by that I mean those who know the non-athletic ability that I have) actually laugh so hard they are on the verge of peeing their pants upon hearing this.
I try not to be offended. It's ok- I'm sure the rest of you want to get a chuckle in. I'll stand and take it. Just this once.
And I happen to read a blog (one of my absolute favorites) where Finny likes to run. OK- so she might not like to run- but she's a mother fucking pro marathoner compared to me. The fact she considers a 10 mile "shortish long"....REDONKULOUS. I think running a full city block is really- big news for me. I emailed her last week to tell her about my progress. Which was running 2 blocks (non consecutive...have to walk off the horrible cramping...) but that was only happening because I was being chased by a dog who I'm sure mistakening thought my bouncing ass was a large ball. I can't say I blame him, I also think "Holy shit- why is there a ball on my ass?!" when I walk past mirrors. Happens all the time. But being bitten by a dog is a GREAT incentive, unfortunately everyone had their dogs on leashes today.
So today I set out to at least do some speed walking, which means walking as fast as I can without dying. I did it. I walked 16 blocks and felt like my legs were going to fall off. AND, of those 16 blocks, THREE were me running.
(Side Note: Dear residents of 55th block of Oakes, 53rd block of Banks, and 59th block of Banks- I apologize for obscene jiggling you had to watch. And I'm sorry about the singing- next time I'll try not to sing "40 oz. to Freedom" (great sublime song btw) quite as loud. BUT, for those living on 59th and Banks- you heard "All Apologies" and frankly- that was probably more appropriate. Nonetheless- you should be thankful it was only my ass and thighs swinging every where. I found a bra that holds the girls in. I will continue to wear that even though it cuts off circulation to my armpits. Because I'm a giver like that. Cheers!-Sara Strand)
Anyways... So Finny if I lived closer to you (I'm in WI 'yo) I would personally deliver you a monster box or artichokes and some wine. Since I obviously don't *do* veggies or drinks... you could totally have double. Again, I'm a giver like that. Why? Because your posts make me think I could actually run for more than a few blocks. And not totally die. BUT, just in case (and really- it's totally normal and practical) I'm going to get a will in place. You know- because I could totally die while running. I'm sure it's very common. Thank god I don't smoke.
OH- and let's just give me an EXTRA kudos...I started my exercising in the rain, bitches. With no umbrella...because I don't own one, but that is so not the point. I am sure my neighbors thought I was drunk or totally delusional, but fuck them. I'm getting fit. So this weekend...I'm buying a scale....and I am going to take a picture (of me on the scale AND the number). Why? Pretty much in the hopes that thousands of you out there tell me I'm such a fat ass and the sheer humilation makes me actually exercise. Aw yeah. OK- off to take a shower since Lenny (the cat) is making it very clear he wants no cuddles until I shower. Will do.