Monday, August 31, 2009
1. I was exactly 200 lbs when I went into labor for both of my kids. Nice, neat numbers.
2. I had only gained 15 lbs with Olivia, but 27 with Jackson (coincidentally, Jackson was 3 oz. and 3 inches smaller than Olivia. Obviously, the extra weight went to my ass)
But before I show you "The Number", I am going to post a pic of me, taken today, so you can see where the weight is:
um, side note? this shirt is Awesome. I love it. I love the colors and how freaking comfortable it is. I feel practically naked it's all swingy and cute. :)
OK, folks- now here it is. Try not to snicker like, out loud:
I'm not kidding. If my camera wasn't being an absolute bitch right now I'd actually post a picture. But since it is, that's what it is. My goal- lose 15 pounds. Yes- 15. I can do that. And you know what? I'd like to lose the double chin that somehow managed to hang onto my face. So gross.
So your job is to basically keep me going and keep reminding me to post the new weight figures...even if it goes up. Because yesterday I was 183.2 so yah- not such a fab start.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
um- yeah, you used a LOT of tape. :) Thank god I have a 4 and 16 month old to help me. Except then Jackson (the 16 month old) got it stuck on his face, and so his sister, (the 4 year old) ever so helpful ripped it off, and crying/screaming ensued. Then he pushed her and pulled her hair. I don't know what really happened next because I was too busy looking inside of the box. :)
Holy Shit!!! 5 Books?! You are a ROCKSTAR and my new favorite person.
Now some of you are probably wondering who the fuck is Jen and why are you getting books? Free ones? In a box with a lot of tape on it? Which turned you into a horrible mother for about 10 minutes while drooling over the new books?
um, yeah- I'm cool enough to get a handwritten note. No need to bow down- but yah- admire it. Be all jealous. And Jen?? LOVE your handwriting!
Well Jennifer works in an office...in New York.. doesn't William Morrow & Harper Collins Publishing mean anything to you? No? Well then you are a freaking loser and you should just school yourself. But if you do, you are awesome (not as much as me right now) and you should just be jealous. I was actually contacted via email by Jennifer because of this post about a fantastic book that I still believe EVERYONE needs to read because it is that good. I promise. Anyways, so she found my blog (which really? Is bizarre and random, but awesome) and it totally made my day. OK, let's just be honest here- made my last two months. She gave me some really cool starting points since I'm writing my first book which is going to be a memoir about my 30/30 list and my slow but scary progression towards aging.
And for those who say, "Hey Sara, um, yeah? Your list isn't finished"- I say be patient bitch. I'm working on it. I've got 3 more spots to fill on my handwritten list which WILL BE DONE AND POSTED THIS WEEKEND. But if you have any really fun/scary activities that you think would be fun to watch me do and document- leave me a comment, I just might add it. (And let me just state right now, that something like "streaking down the street" is not going to happen. Because really? NOBODY wants to see that happen. Not even my husband I'm sure)
So anyways- Because she found my blog, loved/appreciated my review I got some really cool bonus books for which I am THRILLED about. And no, I'm not giving out her name or email address. Or anyway to contact her. I am going to be completely freaking selfish. :)
OK, so you all are really here for the contest, aren't you?? Well luckily I'm a giver (see, I can be something other than a bitch..really I can) so I decided that I can't rightfully hoard everything. So if you want to win one of these books- you must do the following:
1. Post a Comment
2. Become a follower (if you aren't already)
3. Post a link on your blog back to mine about the contest
I will randomly pick a winner on September 15 (because I'll probably get most of them done by then).
And thank you Jennifer for being awesome at your job, actually responding to my emails which probably made you question my sanity, and for literally making my July & August. You are awesome!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
But no, this post is not about my freakish dreams and aspirations, it's about a really fun blog by another chick named Sara (who let's be honest- anyone who spells it without the ridiculous "h" at the end- automatically fan-fucking-tastic in my opinion)- and in celebration of her 100th post over at Handy Hooker (I'd love to see what kind of freak emails SHE's getting). She's got a really fun giveaway and if you can read, you can enter. :) Actually- there is more to it than that, but you need to read the instructions. And then follow them. And hope, pray, and wish you are cool enough to win. I'm on such a winning role lately that if I actually win anything from this- I'm going to a god damn casino ASAP. Momma's got bills to pay 'yo.
Monday, August 17, 2009
I try not to be offended. It's ok- I'm sure the rest of you want to get a chuckle in. I'll stand and take it. Just this once.
And I happen to read a blog (one of my absolute favorites) where Finny likes to run. OK- so she might not like to run- but she's a mother fucking pro marathoner compared to me. The fact she considers a 10 mile "shortish long"....REDONKULOUS. I think running a full city block is really- big news for me. I emailed her last week to tell her about my progress. Which was running 2 blocks (non consecutive...have to walk off the horrible cramping...) but that was only happening because I was being chased by a dog who I'm sure mistakening thought my bouncing ass was a large ball. I can't say I blame him, I also think "Holy shit- why is there a ball on my ass?!" when I walk past mirrors. Happens all the time. But being bitten by a dog is a GREAT incentive, unfortunately everyone had their dogs on leashes today.
So today I set out to at least do some speed walking, which means walking as fast as I can without dying. I did it. I walked 16 blocks and felt like my legs were going to fall off. AND, of those 16 blocks, THREE were me running.
(Side Note: Dear residents of 55th block of Oakes, 53rd block of Banks, and 59th block of Banks- I apologize for obscene jiggling you had to watch. And I'm sorry about the singing- next time I'll try not to sing "40 oz. to Freedom" (great sublime song btw) quite as loud. BUT, for those living on 59th and Banks- you heard "All Apologies" and frankly- that was probably more appropriate. Nonetheless- you should be thankful it was only my ass and thighs swinging every where. I found a bra that holds the girls in. I will continue to wear that even though it cuts off circulation to my armpits. Because I'm a giver like that. Cheers!-Sara Strand)
Anyways... So Finny if I lived closer to you (I'm in WI 'yo) I would personally deliver you a monster box or artichokes and some wine. Since I obviously don't *do* veggies or drinks... you could totally have double. Again, I'm a giver like that. Why? Because your posts make me think I could actually run for more than a few blocks. And not totally die. BUT, just in case (and really- it's totally normal and practical) I'm going to get a will in place. You know- because I could totally die while running. I'm sure it's very common. Thank god I don't smoke.
OH- and let's just give me an EXTRA kudos...I started my exercising in the rain, bitches. With no umbrella...because I don't own one, but that is so not the point. I am sure my neighbors thought I was drunk or totally delusional, but fuck them. I'm getting fit. So this weekend...I'm buying a scale....and I am going to take a picture (of me on the scale AND the number). Why? Pretty much in the hopes that thousands of you out there tell me I'm such a fat ass and the sheer humilation makes me actually exercise. Aw yeah. OK- off to take a shower since Lenny (the cat) is making it very clear he wants no cuddles until I shower. Will do.
Friday, August 14, 2009
This challenge blog is doing it's virgin run, so I figured I would participate. Thanks Ann for introducing this one. It obviously had a sketch involved- but here is my result:
and finally, but certainly not the least- The Pink Elephant had a color challenge using brown/turquoise/neutral. This meant I got to drag out the scraps of SEI's Grandma's Kitchen paper that I covet and absolutely love. I'm down to two more pieces of 3x3 squares. AHH!!!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Which is how this little "situation" happened. This was like two weekends ago now, Saturday night, and I'm home harvesting my crops because I'm a badass mo' fo' like that. I hear Matt dicking around in the back porch which is literally is big piece of shit and I get angry just being out there. It's a useless sack what with the door not really shutting, the single pane glass window (original to the 100+ y.o. house yall- this bitch is "vintage") and the closets that some idiot "handmade". OH- let's not forget the purple paint and the newspaper shoved into a hole in the wall which was then painted over. LIKE WE WOULDN'T NOTICE THAT.
Anyways- so he's banging away and installing the new door that someone generously gave to us. We've had that thing in the garage for a few weeks and he's just now doing it. So I'm thinking, "Jesus H. Christ- it takes a long time to put on a door." I'm harvesting- he's banging. About 4 hours later, after discovering I can make even MORE money buy working on other people's farm (to which I did for 4 hours. Again, I'm the coolest bitch you'll ever know), I decide to inspect his work because we all know husbands work MUCH better under intense micromanagement and "what the fuck are you doing" accusations. At least mine does. You should try it- work HAPPENS.
So I go out to the porch and immediately, I'm like, "What the fuck????". Matt is obviously nowhere to be seen. Nope- no new door just massive destruction. The ugly peel and stick tile is gone, so the floor is sticky, and an entire wall was ripped down to the studs. For no reason other than he felt like it. Need proof??
Look! Another peep hole. Wow- people could probably get a decent hand job through this one.
THEN, after witnessing the unconceivable destruction of my back porch with no plans or money to renovate it, I decide to go back to FarmTown. But then.... holy shit lambs!!! There are two massive piles of cake puke in the middle of my living room. At some point my cat decided to throw up a lot of stuff, and Matt made an attempt to clean it. You'll notice this attempt is code for "We just sprinkle some stuff on top, leave the jug there, and hope the puke fairies come to finish it up." Yah, guess what? I left it for him. I don't do puke. Not cat or kid puke. Neither. I'd hire out if I were alone. I've actually been known to call Matt at work to handle a puke situation.
I started this book at 9 pm last night, just thinking I can get in a few pages before bed. Nope- finished the entire thing in just under two hours. FANTASTIC.
IF I STAY
The book is about Mia, who is 17 years old and is faced with really, an unspeakable tragedy and then an even more difficult decision. In the front of the book Mia and her family are in a horrendous car accident and Mia must decide whether to die or to fight and continue to live. The entire book is about choices- and how they can affect the rest of your life and others as well. I recommend this book to EVERYONE. I am a firm believer that you, whether you know it or not, make the decision whether you will die or not. I don't believe that you just die. You may do it subconsciously, but I believe you make the decision to die when it's time for you. Granted, others may think you died too soon, or held on too long, but at the end of the day- that's your path and I think you know your path and in the end, you follow it. What is more amazing about this book is the way it's written. One section you are with Mia and she's watching loved ones talk to her and watch the medical staff intervene with things go wrong, and then the next section you are walking down memory lane with her.
The most powerful part of the book, for me, was when Mia's grandfather tells her that it's ok to die. She'd be missed, but if she wanted to go he'd understand. BUT, if she wanted to stay that they are waiting and rooting for her. OK- ball like a baby!! But it was a great book and I think it's enlightening for anyone who's held vigil next to someone dying, I believe that it gives comfort to you. I see my Uncle David's death in a different way and although I know he heard our prayers and messages to him, this book kind of reaffirmed it for me. :) Enjoy!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Big THANKS to my kindred blogger buddy Ann, who has pronounced me a winner. Oh yes, she has a fabulous weekly blog candy thing going on, so if you aren't a loser- you should go check it out because she makes FANTABULOUS (and it should be noted here that "fantabulous" is definitely my word so don't be hatin yo') cards. If you want the deets on her blog candy giveway you must go here . And to be even cooler- she put up a link to my blog- so MAYBE I'll get some cool kids over here. Not that yall aren't cool, but come on- you can't have too many cool kids in one space.
AND, since Elena was the big winner of my "Be A Follower" contest, I'm just now getting around to mailing her package. I know- I'm such a fucking loser. I swear to you, it's been done, it's been packaged, and it's been lounging on my dining room table since. Ugh. But you know what? It's going in the mail TOMORROW because I'm making Matt do it. I figure it has a better chance of getting mailed if I make him do it. So what did she win? (Elena, close your eyes!) Well here it is:
I want you to know I was thisclose to keeping the frame because I have a pic that matches it perfectly. But I didn't- it's in the mail because I'm a giver like that.
OK- so check back tomorrow to read and see Matt's inexplicable back porch destruction for absolutely no reason. Till then- night lambs!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
And when I got home the first thing I did was get on my computer, log into the website for the Northern Waters Library System for WI and start reserving books. Oh, but my glory was totally squashed when the library didn't have any and I mean ANY OF THE 15 BOOKS I tried to reserve. Really? Not one library in the entire state has these books? These are bestsellers- very exciting things, getting rave reviews. Bastards. Absolute bastards.
I was able to reserve a few and when they come I'll be all happy and excited. So here's what has been reserved:
1. The Shell Seekers- Rosamunde Pilcher (I'm not super excited about this- the cover was kind of blah)
2. At Least In The City Someone Would Hear Me Scream- Wade Rouse (the title alone makes me happy)
3. Knit Two- Kate Jacobs (the sequel to Friday Night Knitting Club, I'm VERY excited to read this one!)
4. Second Hand- Michael Zadoorian (another book by the guy who wrote The Leisure Seeker- I am very excited to read this- I hope the library gets this one first)
5. Hope In A Jar- Beth Harbison (I have no idea what it is about but I hope it's not a loser book)
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