Thursday, January 28, 2010

My Plight With The Bra or The Twins That Escape

If you are a man you aren't full able to appreciate the issues bras present. Sure you may struggle with getting them off or unclasping the hooks (especially if it's a new one) but you can't appreciate the amount of work that goes into purchasing a bra. And those of you who have little to nothing hanging off your chest like dead weight you may not get it either. But for those of us with a C cup and beyond I think we can all agree that trying on and purchasing bras is almost as bad as trying to purchase pants. That fit. Well. And look cute. I mean, I think we've all had a shitfit in a changing room. Right?

No? Well I have.

And I thought that I would post pictures of me, in bras (with a shirt on, obvs- this isn't Playboy yall) to show you the massive difference between bras. There are some bras that are great, nice cups, the wire doesn't cut off circulation or slice under your arms, the straps stay on, the girls stay in. But then, there are even more out there that are awful. Your boobs spill out, your arms are red, raw and maybe bleeding, straps sliding down, OR the girls are so strapped in that you feel like you could bungee jump and have them go nowhere. Neither of these options is good. Or comfortable. In fact they make me angry.
There is nothing sexy, cute, or attractive about a chick hiking up her bra every 10 minutes.

But because every picture I took was either NC17 or shittastic, I decided to go with this:

So this is me, in my jammies with my girls roaming free. No bra. So you can see here what I'm working with and how obviously CRITICAL it is to get a decent bra. (And for you freaks that didn't believe me before, this is me sans makeup. Again.) (and? Has anyone noticed that most of my pics are taken in my bathroom??)

I used to be a 36C before babies. I was that way from ages 15-23. At age 23 I had Olivia. I didn't breastfeed but I will tell you the pain that is known as milk drying up? Excrutiating. When I say they were literally hard as rocks I am not exaggerating. But they grew to a 36D and have not gone down. I was REALLY scared when I had Jackson because I went to DD and I thought oh hell no. THAT is not going to happen. Thankfully I deflated. A little. But here I am. 36D and can't find a bra to save my life.

I have to buy bras at expensive stores. And I'm sorry but paying $50+ for a piece of fabric that holds the girls seems insane. And now in my size? Everything is either sheer or lace. Which is fine except for it's freezing here. Do you know what a sheer bra does for warmth? Do you know what the after effects of frozen boobs under a thin shirt? Not good. I am not going to resort to pasties because if we're being honest? I would rather have someone see a nipple than a stupid heart on my boobs. Women wearing those? YOU LOOK STUPID AND WE CAN TELL. And we laugh at you when you walk away. At least I do.

But if you find a really great bra, holds you in and is comfortable? At a 36D your girls will look like cones. And we know how natural that looks.

*sigh* So boys. The next time you are with a girl and you are going there, please appreciate the bra. Say, "nice bra- looks great". Because there is work that goes into it. And if she has the matching panties? Bonus. Love her long time you lucky dog.

23 comments:

xoxoKrysten said...

I feel your pain.

Dude. I had a breast reduction. And my girls were down to Cs. I was THRILLED.

Till I met the hubby. And he force fed me McDonalds and pizza EVERY DAY. It was horrible. So THEN I gained weight. And threw that reduction right out the window. Because my ladies are NOW DDs.

I am petrified of what will happen when we decide to have kids. I have almost suggested adoption simply because of my fear of how big my boobs will get.

Ugh. I hate boobs. Seriously.

Smart Ass Sara said...

Did the reduction hurt? Did you feel like you were going to die?? I feel like if I did that, I'd have to go slightly Heidi Montag and get lipo. Lipo everywhere. Because I am so lazy. I have no desire to exercise. yuck.

Ann said...

My girls are Cs and that is plenty big for me...and I hear ya about the $50 bras. WTF?

Mama Kayla said...

I actually went to Victoria's Secret not long ago to be sized. They informed me that I was a 38F!!!! I was so shocked. I had been wearing a size C! I didn't fill out the F cup, but did fill out a DD. Luckily for me, it has made ALL the difference in the world. I feel like a new person with my perfectly fitted bra.

Sam said...

Im that awkward "Between" an A and B. Which means I can only get a comfortable bra at Victoria's Secret also. I would LOVE to get a boob job just to make them a solid size. Not this in between bullshit.

Krista said...

OMG I Feel your pain! Seriously ugh ever since I had children I have honestly NEVER yet found a bra that fits nicely. I have a major issue with the girls falling out of the bra I am a 34C however if I go to a D I am drowning in the bra.I usually have to wear a regular bra and then put a sports bra over top of that to keep them from coming out.

So if anyone else has this issue I would love to know what brand or what type of bra you wear to keep the girls put away

Nyx said...

Oy...I too have visited the heart-wrenchingly expensive victoria's secret.

According to them I'm a D.

I usually wear a C. I've convinced myself that they just oversize everyone.

But yea, I totally feel ya on finding a bra that fits - I had a shitfit the other day because my *favorite* one broke (the underwire poked through, and I don't know about you, but I am not about to be wearing a bra that is consistantly poking me with a jagged piece of wire).

le sigh. I have a few that don't have the underwires, but honestly...the support...it's not there *sob* So underwire it is for me.

Men? They have no idea.

Eva said...

I know exactly what you're saying. I have the hardest time buying bras. I think it is worse then pant shopping.

Organic Meatbag said...

wow...this is a dream post for guys...hahahaha!

Chicken said...

I must say shopping for bras is always on my shit list. I hate it! I want something cute, but I never seem to find anything in my size that doesn't have straps the size of belts and look like something my grandmoter would wear. I have to say though that you've got quite the perkys after kids madam...you are my inspiration! I've always heard they turn into tube socks with tennis balls in them...you've just given me (and my ladies) hope!

Sara said...

I was an A/B until kids and then was a solid B. Regularly went without a bra or picked up a cheap $4 bra at Walmart, Target, or Kohls. Life was easy. Then I went and got a boob job. I've gone ONCE to shop for bras. It was excruciating. I hated it. It galls me that I paid for some great boobs and I still wear the comfy sports bras I wore post-surgery, 6 months post op. I'm sure my surgeon would cringe too if she knew. She did a fantastic job and I ruin it by wearing sports bras. *sigh* But I'm still not ready to go shopping again.

Dani said...

I love Victoria's Secret, but they are kinda $$. In attempts of saving some cash, I bought some bras from Target...they just don't work the same. The straps are either falling off, or way too tight. I'm just not comfy in them.

Good luck finding the "perfect one."

Anyone else notice that the only male to reply to this said this was "every man's dream post" didn't he notice that we are all complaining about bras? HAHAHA

Melissa Leah said...

I stand applud you for5 having the guts to post that pic on there. And my question is when did women become obsessed with buying bras that, like you said, are unbearable? I don't get that. Maybe that is where the plain part of me is at.

Mrs P said...

Oh how I hate bra shopping. Ugh. I'd rather watch paint dry.

Good luck in your search!!

Lisa said...

I really hate bra shopping, never find what I need.

xoxoKrysten said...

You know... I was so doped up on pain killers that I honestly don't remember much pain. The worst part is that they had to hook these things up to catch excess blood and... other gross things and my mom had to help me change them because I almost fainted.

Otherwise, though, I was up and around in less than a week. The worst part was being unable to sleep any way other than on my back for about a month.

I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I think it's about the only optional surgery I would ever do. But if you have back pain, shoulder pain, etc. it's a good surgery to have.

Kate said...

I'm a big B to a small C, so bras aren't that hard. My problem is that I have a teeny waist and I can't find blouses that'll fit big man-shoulders and a bosom without being waaay too loose around the middle. :C

One more for considering reduction if they're giving you a hassle!

dreamstela said...

I feel your pain. Seriously.

And I recently found a bra that I've wondered ever since, where the hell was it my whole life?

It's the Body by Victoria wireless full coverage from Victoria's Secret.

The boobs aren't cones, and it's got good support and it's comfortable. And I'm a D. It's $40, so not cheap, but I've tried everything, and $40 is worth it, for me at least.

Good luck to you!

Mr O said...

This post single handedly makes me have more sympathy for ladies than I ever had before reading. I'm glad I don't have to go through that. At least not yet... I need to do some sit ups.

Smart Ass Sara said...

@everyone without a penis: I knew you'd all get it.

@Mr.O & Meatbag- just appreciate the bras- that's all I'm askin.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I so wouldn't look that pretty sans bra.

allena said...

Weight loss= great for body/bad for boobs. I was always a B, went up to C after having kids... Then WHAM! Got in shape and an A cup is my destiny. You would be amazed at how thick my bra is padded right now just to look normal! I'm a little jealous ...

Helena said...

I am a 32F. Yeah. You read that right.

It's the same cup size as a 36DD, which is pretty damn big. I always gain weight in my boobs first, and I really hate it.