Wow- who knew by leaving my actual email address in my last post would be the permission for the perverts of the world to come out of the woodwork. Bravo for not being afraid to let your personal freak flag fly. Now I got a few more questions sinve my last post and only one person asked things in my comments. (And I totally know the person listed as "anonymous" and it's a fellow blogger. And I knew about this and I personally challenged this person. I'm game for just about anything, yall).
1. How much do those suckers weigh? Yeah, you know what I mean. Together they are 4.1 pounds. But I had to weigh in an awkward position so I don't know how completely accurate this is. Thank you neighbor for letting me borrow you food scale thingie.
2. I just made a ham sandwich. If I asked you to pee on it, would you? I make pretend that it's a picnic and I'm drinking lemonade! It depends on how badly I have to pee. I actually don't eat ham so it's not like I would feel as if I were offending the ham. Ham offends me. And so do pigs for that matter. So sure- I'd pee on a ham sandwich for you. OR I could just pee in a cup if that saves you the step. I'm good at that.
3. How impressive is your gag reflex? Could it take a Country Farms summer sausage? ACTUALLY, I have a horrible gag reflex. I actually gagged drinking out of a straw once. But in certain situations, I'll deal. But I ain't swallowing. I'm a picky eater so yeah. If you drink, I'll drink. ;) I mean, fair is fair, right??
4. Have you ever put a pair of your underwear on a cactus? Do that and take a picture and staple it to my left foot while I sit on a carrot. I've never seen a real cactus. But I'll tell you what- I'll buy one from the store on payday, put my underwear on it and post a picture. Does that work? Do you have an underwear style preference, because I don't want to let you down. Just lube the carrot first. It helps a bit.
5. If somebody gave you 20 dollars, would you let a midget touch your love button? Is the midget hot? I don't discriminate on height yo, but I do have certain requirements on the level of hot. If the midget resembles Robert Pattinson- he can pretend to do Morse Code for all I care.
6. Tampons or pads? For real? You REALLY want to know this??? Dang. You are fucking disgusting. Whatevs. But I have to go pads which I hate. I?? Have a tippy uterus. I'll deal with the disgustingness of a pad because in my case, a tippy uterus means fun sexy times. FYI.
7. Ice or water? I hate to break this to you, but ice is water. So both, dumbass.
8. Has anyone said you are kind of like a bitch? Um, yeah. Daily. And I happen to like it. At least I'm a fun bitch with friends.
9. Do you shave every day? Shave what, exactly? Legs and armpits? Yes. Down there? No. I'm on a periodic maintenance plan. (Side note- are you the same person who asked about my sleeping arrangments and underwear?)
Ok lamb whores. That is all of the questions I've gotten via comments and/or email. I think what we've leared here is that we have some really fucked up people among us. We've also learned that they have taken a liking to me. I think it is also safe to assume that they may possibly need therapy. A lot of it. More than I can provide. And in conclusion I think you have learned that nothing phases me. You can ask or say anything to/about me and I don't care. I happen to like me because I am fabulous. I also don't get embarrassed easily.
Nice try, though. ;)