Sunday, February 14, 2010

Book Review: VOX by Nicholson Baker

Before I even start this review I am putting up a disclaimer. If you are a virgin, please don't read this. If you are offended by profane language- do not read this. If dirty, filthy, sexually explicit language is offensive to you, do not read this.

If you continue to read this and STILL are so offended that you feel the need to email me a complaint- please expect a nasty answer back. You cannot say I didn't warn you. ;)



So I should start this review by telling you I read this book for the first time when I was 16. And let me tell you something- I was a virgin, I didn't even have my first (real) boyfriend then and it scared the shit out of me. Eleven years later it's amazing. It's not scary, it's actually a really fun read.

Basically it's a single conversation between two complete strangers. Both strangers call the 1-900 number you see in the back of dirty magazines. (One called it from the back of a Juggs magazine, the other one Forum) And it's really interesting because they hook up and talk about a lot of random things. Sexual fantasies, things that are turn on/off's all the while they are some times masturbating. I mean, I don't think I can fully review this book to give it the justice. Instead, I'm going to type you a passage. To set it up, Abby talks of a dream/series of images she had about painting the hallway of her apartment at color called paper lantern. This is only an excerpt but to leave you on a pleasant note....

"And so three painters materialized, and then suddenly there was a large hole in teh wall, about three feet off the floor, big enough so that I could fit through so that my legs were standing in the front hall and yet my head and upper body were in the living room. The hole was finished off and lined with sheepskin. I had nothing on. My hands were resting on two full paint cans. But the strange thing was the cans of paint were warm. There was one painter doing the living room, and the other two doing the hall, where my lower body was. The painter I could see didn't seem to notice me..." and it continues for a while until...

"And then I heard him put down the roller and he planted his hands high on my ass, holding my hips, and then he did an amazing thing. I felt his whole weight go on his hands, and on my back too, and he was apparently supporting himself like a gymnast, entirely on his hands, with his knees bent and his legs apart, and then a secon dlater I felt this burning blunt nub press against my Opulent Opal tockhole, and then kind of urge itself a little ways in."

Um, yeah. There's more. Like two more pages of just THAT little scene which involves something (there were three painters) in each of her um..holes. Three painters, 3 holes. Use your imagination.

SO..if you like a good dirty read- this is for you. If you aren't seeing any action in your bedroom, this is a good read. If you get grossed out and think you are corrupting yourself if you feel a little tingle down below this book is definitely not for you. ;)

5 comments:

xoxoKrysten said...

Interesting. I may have the read this. Although maybe not a vacation read. Because I'll be there with my folks. And I could just hear my mom saying, "Oh, what's that about?" Um... stuff?

The Ashes said...

Sounds like an interesting read!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

I am totes getting my slanderous email ready to ship off to you.

Bahaha.

Nah, sounds like my kind of read.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I thought I was a naughty girl when I read "Wall Street" in 7th grade lol

Organic Meatbag said...

Sounds like this guy might actually want to do the Alligator Fuckhouse...