So here is my not quite a dollar shirt. It's black (obviously) has a weird sequiny shoulder, a weird tie thing in the back on my neck and the sleeves are all cut up. So the bonus is that I have to do no work on tearing it up. That makes the sleeves all flowy. Are we liking this? Or should I keep shopping? (Let's be real- I probably will keep shopping but I still need an opinion on this. Keep or not?)So here are my pants. My only big mirror is in Olivia's room so pardon the mess. (And look!!! I can wear my RockBand shirt again!)It's really hard to take a picture of your ass. FYI. But here is the back. Now I have HUGE issues with pants because I, unlike most of America apparently, have an ass. I actually like my ass. It's still cute & perky but it makes it a nightmare when purchasing pants. I try to not have a lot going on as far as pockets (do not take this to mean I wear pants with no pockets because that is for old ladies only. I'm talking about pockets with flaps. Those are bad) (because What Not To Wear tells me so). BUT..these pants have a little sparkle. Is sparkle on my ass bad? I mean, they look super good, right? Like my ass doesn't look ginormous, right??
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Boots Are In. Hotness Undetermined.
The boots I've been waiting for came today. In a box large enough to accomodate two kids and two cats. Really, Zappos? Thanks for going green.
Anyways. I don't know what to think of them. First off, they have more of a pointy toe than I like. I prefer shoes with a rounded toe because I'm a bit OCD when it comes to that and it's a big deal. It's like a pointy toe gets me distracted and my chances of falling are exponentially greater. It's just a proven fact. Anyways- I was super worried because I tried putting them on with my work pants which hi--no zippy uppy. So I took my pants off and put the boots on. In wearing only my shirt, bra, and underwear, they fit fine. I've also determined that I have a defect in the boots or one of my legs is slightly larger. They look ridiculous if I wear pants over them. So it's dresses/skirts or what I call "slut pants".
Slut pants are what I call the skinny jean with the taper leg. Because I've never seen them being worn on a girl with say, some class. And a clean bill of health from her OB. But in my weak moment at home staring at myself in my underwear and boots I realized that I will have to give in and purchase slut pants. Which I knew would be like taking on Goliath himself because I think we've establised that I'm not skinny. I also rival Kim Kardashian in the curves department. Skinny jeans vs. Sara. At the mall. Alone.
Lamb whores, I will tell you that I have a victorious moment in the dressing room of Maurices when I realized that the only pair of size 14 jeans in the fat girl section were... wait for it...
TOO BIG. By a lot! I was having a happy moment until I realized that the next step down is a 12. But they don't have 12. Oh no. They have things like 31x30. Um... Yeah. I don't know my numbers. Should I know my numbers? So I bolted out of there. It's not like I'm going to get publicly measured in front of a group of 19 year old girls all wearing the slut pants. Bitch, please. I haven't lost my entire mind.
So I go over to JCPenney who has once again lured me in with their big red and yellow sale signs. I also bought the only pair of pants not on sale. But to make up for it, I did only pay .97 for the shirt that is *maybe* a Muse concert outfit contender.
But this is where you come in. I need opinions. Please ignore the fact my hair is looking shittastic and I look tired. Matt once again snored the entire night so I'm running on exactly 5 hours of sleep over the last two days. If he snores tonight I'm bunking with Olivia. Who snores and rolls everywhere. Things aren't looking good.
SO. Are we liking the boots? I will say they hurt my feet like a son of a bitch. Um, I was pretty sure Naturalizers were supposed to be comfortable? Well these aren't. The heel is like walking on a square rock so I'll have to get inserts or something. I've also discovered my foot and ankle are not meant for fat girl boots. Those are anorexic girl boot worthy. SO..they feel weird. And no, the buckle doesn't do anything. Pure decoration.
Let me know what you think. If you find fabulous tops on the interwebs and think, "Sara with her 36D boobs can rock this out" let me know. You have until the end of this month.
On a more fun note- I made friends with a guy working at Hot Topic. And I always shudder because I walk in with my work clothes usually and I'm sure they roll their eyes and are all like, "Jesus christ- another wannabe". But I'll have you know I have to be for work, hello. In my other life I'm rocking with the band shirts. Shirts with inappropriate sayings. I was a punky chick in the day. Just because I'm older and a mommy doesn't make me less cool. RIGHT??? But when I told him what concert I was seeing and we talked about different bands he as all thinking I was cool. The most important thing of this little diatribe is that I got the employee discount on the Anberlin Blueprints for City Friendships anthology I have coveted. So instead of paying $16.99 I walked out of there with this baby for a mere $7.99.
Now would an appropriate time to bow down. It's ok- I'll wait.
So I *finally* have all of the songs of Anberlin's cd's I love. I only have bits and pieces of these three discs so I feel I have conquered stuff today.
And I'm wearing slut pants with fat girl boots.