Monday, February 1, 2010

A Date With The Two Hottest Bitches Around (because obviously you weren't there)

I've been in a funk, yall. Like a "I need to get a life and quick before you see me going nuts and my family being interrogated by Nancy Grace because they saw it coming and didn't intervene" kind of way.

I'm sure you've all been there.

But in my times of desperation the one gal that I know I can call up to join me in stupidity is my dear friend Tammy. You remember her, don't you? She was the one I almost killed on the freeway on the way back from Paramore en route to our ghetto hotel with a stop at the hooker hangout also known as Perkins on University Avenue. (Fun fact- apparently we were staying at what is referred to as "mid town" in St. Paul which apparently is a not so super neighborhood. NOTE TO SELF: Research before travel)

Anyhoodle.
So Tammy and I decided we were going to go on a dinner date and blind other Olive Garden patrons with our hotness. We totally did. Nevermind the fact that we were sitting next to the fireplace which was romantic except that my arm felt like it was going to burst into flames. Thank god I long sleeves otherwise I'm sure I'd have a burn.

But we talked about our husbands, their sometimes lameness, three-somes (pros and cons and whether it'd be better with a stranger or someone you knew, etc. You know, the usual. BUT we also are tossing the idea of a road trip out there. I know- wouldn't that be the fucking hotness? Could you see it?? If that happens I will have to purchase video equipment. I mean no roadtrip with us could happen without it. (Tammy- pack yo' bags!)

So after dinner, about 8:30 p.m., we weren't really feeling the whole "go home" thing. Duluth/Superior is pretty lame on Friday nights unless you feel like going to bars and we're kind of eh on that whole scene. So we did what every normal date would do.

We drove 78.5 miles (one way...that's about 1 hour and 20 minutes) to Hinckley. To get donuts. It was nighttime, and I didn't kill us. I didn't have to swerve for rogue deer (or other animal), I stayed out of ditches, and got us there in one piece. Wide awake (unlike the time I almost fell asleep driving from Kings of Leon at 2 am) (but in my defense I had been up since 5:30 am the previous day).

When we got there? No mother fucking donuts. How pissed was I? I got suckered into 2 lemon poppyseed muffins (for Matt), 3 double berry muffins (for the kids), and a chocolate chocolate chip muffin (for me). I WOULD have gotten two of those but I had to let Tammy buy one. And we were there and obviously had to pee from drinking way too much at Olive Garden. And seriously? How nasty is their sink??It's like dang--do you even TRY to clean the grim off??

But while we were there there were two older guys standing there. And the one actually a paying customer was like, "What are you ladies doing out so late" to which I replied, "Oh we were on a little drive. We're from Superior".

The look on his face?? PRICELESS. He's like, "Kind of a long little drive- almost two hours one way!".

We know.
So this is us standing in Tobies trying to get a decent picture taken by some girl coming off her shift who couldn't figure out a camera or zoom. Whatevs.

So we had her take two. My face is better in this one but my hair is all up in Tammy's shiz.
But when we went outside Tammy was the good wife to call her husband and mention that we were just leaving Hinckley at 10:15 pm. Chad, being the nice guy he is (and secretly I think he suspects I may be slightly crazy), just laughed. He understand because Tammy's with me. Anything could happen.

I got us back to Superior at a little after 11. So that means I shaved an HOUR off our drive. :) Proud to say my "getting to places in unheard of time" is still intact.

11 comments:

Chicken said...

1. I would vote for stranger. But they couldn't be hotter than me and they would have to show me clean bloodtest results.

2. Donuts are always worth a 2 hour drive. This should never be questioned. We have Voodoo Donut here in Portland, pure magic shaped like a penis you just can't' go wrong there.
3. Maybe you got home so quick in an attempt to run as far away from the dirt sink as possible. How is that even possible for something created with the purpose of cleanliness become so filthy?

4. That is all. I just liked counting.

egosyntonic said...

one word... ANYHOODLE. next time i crack open an egg with a beak in it, i'll just be all nonchalant and whatnot... you know, just look around at everyone else (because i obviously have an audience while making cake-from-the-box) and go, ANYHOODLE! you're hilarious!

jprp said...

aww, i hope your little road trip helped you out of your funk hunny - i'm thinking of you! but i'm also booking a seat on that crazy road trip with you girls! can you imagine?!! oh, and i'm also stealing that "blinding them with our hotness" line! how could i ever have a bad day when i have your blog to read!!! xx

TheBigShowAtUD said...

what's wrong with muffins instead of doughnuts? mix it up a little. and i'm really not sure how you ate just one.

that's a long way to drive for food, though. you're so dedicated.

Sam said...

Those muffins look good! I think a road to trip to Fla would be fun!

Mr O said...

Road Trips are great. If you come to the South, can you bring some of those muffins :)

Organic Meatbag said...

The hotness IS too much...it's scalding my face like a waffle iron... how dare you... donuts sound good now...damn you again...

Jenn said...

Love impromptu road trips, especially with the promise of donuts on the end of it. It is disappointing they didn't have any...ANYHOODLE, that sink was gross.

Amber said...

I have done crazy things such as these for donuts. They are delicious.

Sara said...

Does Wisconsin grow crazy ladies? :D Sounds like a great time. You guys should totally do a road trip!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I miss having friends that would do crazy shit like that with me. Everyone is too damn resposible around here!