Thursday, February 4, 2010

Even on Complete Shit Days-- I Have These

You know when you have a day completely from hell and you just think "fuck my life"?? Well I'm having one of those days. In fact my day was so bad that I would swear Satan himself was saying, "She should fuck her life" because I don't think even he could make a worse day. Granted, my tire wasn't flat but the low air light came on. AGAIN. I swear it's on like every three days, which is more than the every five days, and I know that means I need new tires. I know. But that requires me to call my brother, who thank god works at a tire shop and bails me out everytime I have a flat tire because my husband never answers his god damn phone when I need him to, and then I have to actually go. *sigh*. I need to do that. I know, I get it, I will. Eventually.

It's not just work getting to me or just the tribulations of being a grown up. Matt and I struggle daily and I don't know what to do. My birthday is coming up and I'm afraid that yet again, it'll get forgotten. I can't decide on a treadmill to buy and I'm getting frustrated with myself. My laundry room is pissing me off (post on that tomorrow). I'd like to have some heat in my bedroom so I don't feel like hypothermia is going to set in. My tooth still hurts and I don't go in until Monday to get it fixed. No novacaine and I'm anxious. Of all days, today is a day I could literally use a hug.
But when my days are really bad I come home to two awesome kids. Granted today wasn't so awesome because Olivia is having the poop issues, AGAIN, so I have to sound interested in her "butt dripping" and I'm sorry- but that isn't cute. I know she's my daughter and I love her to bits but hearing about butt drips just doesn't help. And then Jackson colored on the refrigerator with crayon which -yay- came off after scrubbing with my super handy dandy pan scraper thing that is awesome. But then he ate the crayon and chased it with some playdoh. Yeah. Fun diaper tomorrow. I really can't wait. Any guess on what color it'll be??
This is so rare- they hug a lot, but I can usually never get it on camera.


Can you tell Olivia is giving me her fake smile? And how perfect is Jackson's face? Here's Olivia after bathtime. She totally jacked my Paramore concert shirt. She has declared it hers now. How awesome is this at 4 years old??

So after all of this, the cuteness of them all bathed and smelling great after Matt used my Bath & Body Works Country Apple lotion on them, I like to climb into their beds and we read. We read a lot. We have our routine. Jackson wants "Pajama Time", "Let's Go To Bed Book" and "Night Night Little Pookie" all by Sandra Boynton. Olivia made me read "Little Rabbit Waits For The Moon" (AGAIN) and of course "Good Night Moon".

I came downstairs and was feeling better and then the fucking cats ruined it by making horrible noises. I interrupted their private time I guess.
Which is fine because if that means my leg won't get humped again while I sleep that's fine. It's fine if you make your weird noises and lick each other's asses but dammit. Please stop humping my leg. Kicking you off the bed is not a "keep doing it, I like it" sign. And Lenny- please got stop trying to find a nipple in my hair. No nipples in my hair. It's gross and frankly, I'm not sure if it's you or Matt drooling on me and my pillow. But it's gross and I don't like it.

I hope tomorrow is a better day. I hope tomorrow Olivia poops and the dripping stops. I hope Jackson doesn't eat any more playdoh or crayons tomorrow. I hope the cats don't puke or randomly hump things tomorrow. I hope I can get some sleep tonight.

...Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Good night cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight light, and the red balloon. Goodnight bears. Goodnight chairs. Goodnight kittens, and goodnight mittens. Goodnight clocks, and goodnight socks. Goodnight little house and goodnight mouse. Goodnight comb and goodnight brush. Goodnight nobody. Goodnight mush and goodnight to the old lady whispering "hush". Goodnight stars. Goodnight air. Goodnight noises everywhere.

(Did I get them all? I think I did. I have read this book every night since I was 6 months pregnant with Olivia..so what? 5 years now? It'd be pretty sad if I didn't know all the words by now!)

14 comments:

egosyntonic said...

your kids are awesome! love the paramore affection at 4 years old... you know she's going to turn into one of those people who look down on those with shitty taste in music (and i mean that in a good way)! i had a shitty day too, but at least there weren't any eggs involved in any way shape or form. let's hope for a better tomorrow.

Team Osborne said...

I can recite Goodnight Moon in my sleep!

Oh.. and for the crayon- try magic erasers... they clean EVERYTHING.

Thanks!
Joanna
www.raising-madison.blogspot.com

Ms B said...

People often look at me with questioning faces when I say I'm doing a child care course and follow their facial expression with "u WANT to be around children?...goodluck with that!" ... Why is it so hard for anyone to believe that some people actually enjoy working with children? Sure a dripping bottom is not ideal but when olivia hugs jackson like that it makes everything u do worthwhile...I just wish others could see it like you do. Seeing the positive in your children.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Awww that's sweet. But wait until they are teenagers and they'll just make you feel like crap some more. It's F-U-N.

Chicken said...

WOW...apparently the shit fairy was handing out extra sprinkles of crap today! I felt the same way...ugh and laundry..don't get me started! I can't wait to have kids to add some joy, but tonight my joy was found in red wine. I swear I posted my hate blog and went to my dashboard and found this gem post from you. Sigh why does society frown on raging bitchyness?

Organic Meatbag said...

So...good start today? Yes? No? And stop lying about your head nipple...hehehee

Amber said...

Wow, sending good thoughts and vibes your way.

I was laughing through your post, then felt bad and laughed some more.

Cats that hump legs?? Great visual there!

xoxoKrysten said...

Aw Sara, great big hugs to you! I'm sorry your day was so bad! It can only get better though!

Danielle said...

Ughhh I swear it must be something going on in the Universe that says to all of us down to earth ... cool people ... SHIT HERE!!! I'm so sorry to hear about Olivia's booty problem ... the poor little girl ... I hope that gets better for you soon!!!

I'M SENDING YOU A HUGE VIRTUAL HUG! Things will get better just try and see the positive in every thing ... even tho trust me I know you're reading that comment and saying HA WHAT A FUCKIN JOKE!! xoxo

Melissa Rugg said...

How did Olivia's blood work ever come out? Did they ever figure out anything?
PS you SO stole good night moon from me!!! lol

Mr O said...

this post makes me happy about life. That when everything turns to shit (touchy subject? my bad) you still have something to comfort you.

And your girl is AWESOME for declaring your Paramore shirt as hers. I pretty much look up to her for that

Smart Ass Sara said...

@Ego- Yes, she's already snobby about music. Which I think is awesome. When she was a baby, I could get her to stop crying by playing the first 50 cent cd. Apparently, gun shots is soothing.

@TeamOsborne- I know- magic erasers are the shit. I'm out because Matt cleaned buckets for no apparent reason.

@MsB- props to you for takign classes! I couldn't be a stay at home mom. I very much need an identity outside of my family.

@Julie- you sound like my mom.

@Chicken- we're twins. I swear if we met up the world would stop revolving.

@Meatbag- don't be jealous of extra nipples yo.

@Amber, Krysten, Danielle- drinks at my house, ladies? Don't wear anything knitted...the cats will hump you too.

@Melissa- I had this in drafts before your FB post. ;) Great mind think alike, right??

@MrO- Olivia is the shit. I can't wait until she's older to take her to concerts. If my kids weren't into music I think a piece of me would die. But they are and that is the best reward.

Christina Thomas said...

Sorry I have been MIA. SOOOOO MUCH work!!!! I LOVE my new position...

Anyways...your kids are adorable!!

I hope your days are better. I am catching up on your blog!

Eileen Ward said...

OMGGGG THE BABIES ARE SO TEEEEENNNNYYY!!! So adorable. Btw, I just randomly picked this post to read to my friend b/c of your humping tag. hehe:)