So today I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself that is kind of personal and not a lot of people actually know about me. (Sara loves her lamb whores--- sparkly kisses to you!)
I, even at the age of 27 almost 28, am scared of the dark. Not all dark, like I can sleep in the dark just fine with no worries unless I have to get out of bed or something. You'll never see me take out the garbage in the dark. You'll never see me walking alone in the dark. I'll be outside in the dark if I have at least one person with me but I prefer more. I won't walk around my house in the dark. I'm terrified of scary movies. I believe in ghosts but they scare me. I'm scared to be in crowds by myself.
I also have a gut instinct that has never been wrong. I have the little hairs on the back of my neck and I always trust it.
There are lots of reasons I am like this but primarily it's from my early childhood. Without going into a lot of detail that I don't like to talk about, I will say that I have seen things little kids shouldn't see. I have lived in not so great neighborhoods. I was raised in the early 80's in Florida which is when a lot of kidnappers were just snatching kids so I grew up with a mom who was scared of that. And I'm actually thankful she was like that because I believe it gave me an intuition a lot of people don't have.
But I will tell you my biggest fear of all: To be abducted. I am terrified that I will be abducted, kidnapped, murdered, etc. You name it and I'm scared of it in that scenario. I can't even tell you how many times I have woken up at night by a dream of this happening to me.
So to that end, I decided to read a book that NOBODY with these kind of fears has any kind of business to read.
For those of you who don't know- this book is narrated by the main character really, Susie Salmon who was a 14 year old girl who was raped and murdered close to her home. Her entire body is never found, only an elbow, and it's the story of her watching her friends and family go on as she's in her Heaven.
There are a few things that freaked me out. Number one was her murder. It's gruesome and I am not going to lie- I couldn't sleep after I read it. I laid in bed with my light on. Number two is how it really highlights how everyone copes differently but because of that, the family falls apart. Number three is her description of Heaven. It's not this vast white space, it's whatever she wants it to be- she decides who/what is in her Heaven. Number four is the character I identified with even though I didn't want to. The mother. I really felt a connection to the mother who isn't even that great. She leaves her family because she really can't handle any of it. And as a young mom myself, I can really relate to the "I made a mistake and I want to start over" sentiment. Not that I would ever leave my children, but I can certainly understand that feeling.
I have to say that the book was kind of slow and frustrating to me. I really wanted legal justice, and although something happens to the killer that was probably a good ending just the same- I felt a sense of remorse for the other victims. The only think I thought was kind of far fetched is also at the end when Susie is in a living person's body. I don't know. I just felt like that wasn't really needed but on the other hand it gave a closure to the characters involved there.
In all, it was a good book. It was hard to continue reading in some spots because it was slow but it was interesting. Will I see the movie? Oh hell the fuck no. I'd be up in there crying and terrified to leave. :)