Saturday, February 13, 2010

Spaghetti, Stoner Hoodies and Fucking Downey

You'll be happy to know that I went on a date last night. With my friend Jennie. She's a hot date. ;) Plus she's fun, she's one of my best friends and my husband and her forever boyfriend were manwhores before us. AND they were roomies. So we have a lot to talk about. But we no longer do bonfires with the boys drinking. You can imagine what we heard.

Anyhoodle.


So a really dear friend of mine from way back in my elementary and middle school days was having a benefit dinner last night, so I had to make an appearance. Number one, it's obviously a good cause. And I liek to give to good causes. And number two, Jessica was one my first real friend. I learned a lot about friendship with her and she is fabulous. I missed her for years and I'm really glad we've reconnected over FaceBook and after her surgery I hope we get to hang out more. Because we?? Are fucking awesome. We were the dynamic-baton-twirling-duo-in-her-driveway-in-front-of-Steve-Abrahamson's-grandparents'-house-so-he-can-be-dazzled-by-our-mad-skillz-twirling-to-Whitesnake's-Here-We-Go-Again. Yeah- we were badass. We also used to visit my mom at the gas station when she worked and buy (every day) a 1liter of pop (one for each), a 99 cent bag of Doritos Cool Ranch. But most importantly- we'd buy the make it yourself ice cream flurry things. Yeah- we'd throw every candy in it and by the time we got to the bottom of the ice cream where it's just a sludge of candy, sprinkles, caramel, and chocolate we'd call it the "grand finale". Jesus. It has obviously caught up with me.


Anyways. We got to Cloquet early and I really hate being the first person anywhere. I feel like such an eager beaver loser. I don't roll that way. So we went to Maurices because I was angry at Matt and decided the best way to deal with that was impulse shopping. I bought two super cute cami's I'll only wear underneath a shirt so they could in theory, look like shit because nobody will ever know. Then I searched the entire store for something in XL. Seriously, anything. There was one option. I hesitated and asked Jennie several times if this looked like a stoner's poncho. You know what I'm talking about. Everyone had the stoners in high school who couldn't be bothered with having their mom wash their clothes so they'd wear the poncho that smelled like their car or stale weed and then think they are the complete shit. (And no- you weren't if you were one of them. Ew.) She says no. I'm not sure. I took the tags off so it's not like I can do anything now. But is this stoner poncho??


My other complaint?? Kind of cleavage-y. Too much? (And nevermind my hair and lack of makeup. This is 5:14 a.m. I went to bed at almost 2 a.m.)The benefit was great. Jessica looked great, looked the same. I got to see her sister. Which was kind of funny because I remember Jess and I digging through her stuff in her mom's basement once. We were afraid at why someone would have strawberry lickable paint for. I don't know about her but strawberry is one of the preferred flavors I've discovered. Grape? Cherry? VOMIT.

So after the benefit we decided we didn't want to be losers and go home. So we wanted to see a movie. BUT...nothing good was on until 9:30. We had almost 2 hours to kill. So we did the next logical thing- the mall!

I ended up buying 3 books and a box of flair! (If you don't know what flair is you need to rent Office Space and educate your sorry ass. Sorry, Mr. O. You need to educate yourself! And I say this with love) I also am in desperate need for some kick ass boots. I want boots that will look hot with a skirt or I can rock them with jeans. Over my jeans, preferrably. I need them for the Muse concert. Because I have a feeling that heels on the Chicago transit system isn't a good idea. I need some ass kicking boots. Which my first inclination are Doc Martens and even though I love them so....I don't know if doc's on your feet still equals cred in the street. (Did you know that was the catch phrase for those?? NO?? Well shit. You need more help than I can provide)

So we went to a couple of shoe stores. I learned two things in particular. Heels with pointy toes?Hurt. They hurt a lot. And they make your feet look Paris Hilton huge. I almost fell on my ass trying to turn around in them. I also learned I have fat calves. Apparently. I tried on, as Jennie is my witness, at least 5 pairs of boots. It was funny but seriously, folks. I couldn't get the zipper zipped. Who's fucking calves are that small?? I got one pair to zip but once I stood up my thigh was tingly. PROBABLY not going to work. So now I have to find wide calf boots online, in a size 8, black, no more than an inch and 3/4 stacked heel (not spiky, I want like a chunky heel if I must) because I have to walk. I can't walk long distances in heels without pissing everyone off with my complaining. We also discovered that Jennie can't wear 4 inch stipper stilettos. Which changes the plan for our next date. ;)

So we left the shoe place and tried to get Jennie a new phone. Since she dropped hers, again, and now the screen won't turn on. The guy was super cute. Not skinny, not fat, nice in the middle weight. Goofy smile, cute hair, friendly. He also tried to rip her the fuck off once we got to Best Buy and realized he was douche-city with his fast talk, smiling and glances at our boobs. The guy in Barnes and Noble who was creepy wouldn't leave me alone. Again, it's nice to see my record of attracting crazies is intact. At least I'm consistent.

After the mall we went to the theatre to see Sherlock Holmes. I have to say, I really, truly, LOVED IT. Which isn't what I would normally watch. I'm a sucker for comedies. I love comedies. Raunchy or not- I love them. I like the chick flicks too (some) but for real. Even though I want to see Dear John that's something I rent at home. Because I'm not about to be ruining my makeup balling like a bitch in a theatre. Anyways. I wanted to see it when I saw the trailer at New Moon and thought- "Wow--Downey is looking hot. Yummy." So the movie was really good and I think Robert Downey Jr. is FANTASTIC. Jude Law played a gay guy really well. I mean, I think we all know they were gay, but Jude Law as a gay Watson was fabulous. ;) And even though there was a lot of fighting which I usually cringe at I totally dug this. And everything was going well until like in the last 10 or 15 minutes some random guy, either drunk or mentally unstable, started clapping. Loudly. So Jennie and I are laughing. I don't know if Jennie caught it but throughout the movie the guy was like, "Fucking Downey". Yah. Fucking Downey is right. Don't ruin my $8.50 asshole. So when it really was the end, he's all like, "That's fucking awesome" and then leaning into people's faces and asking them what they thought. THANKFULLY crazy drunk boy didn't come near us. Probably because I was laughing uncontrollably with my back to him. But on the way out I see the poster for the next movie I'm seeing (well aside from Alice in Wonderland)It's the love of my life, Robert Pattinson, in Remember Me. I already know what happens because I read all of the spoilers during filming but I still want to see it. So I can imagine I'm Emilie de Ravin. (Did you see the shower scene clip??? I really, REALLY want to be Emilie de Ravin at that point. AND he's in Details mag. MUST.GET.THAT)

Isn't that shirt awesome? It's black with black sequins. I love it. I don't get to wear it often. Obviously since my husband never wants to go anywhere. But this is what I'm *hoping* to wear to Muse with hot jeans and my boots. Which I still need to buy. Zappos is really letting me down by being understocked. Bitches.

So after the movie we successfully lost crazy drunk boy. Which is good. We also noticed it was obviously 15-17 year old emo night because we were like the only non-emo's there. Yay. I have to mention guys in skinny jeans?? Is not cute.

When I got home Jennie and I noticed my TV was on but no porch lights. I had called Matt around 8 to tell him what I was doing but he never answered because he's in asshole mode this week. Well one thing you should know is I have a fear of the dark. I'm not terrified to the point where I sleep with a nightlight, but I hate walking around in the dark. Especially outside. I'm better if I'm with someone but still- I try not to do it. I have this fear that I'm going to get snatched and butchered. There's something to be said about being raised in a high crime area as a small child. Some things you don't outgrow.

So I'm fumbling with both locks to my door, in the dark, and when I get in the house..there's Matt. Chillin. Nice. Thanks a lot ass. So before I went to bed I wanted to check my email. I had 47 messages and I'm like dang yo. Most of yall will have to wait. So I emailed Mr. O, Tammy, and answered a few FB messages that were there. Then went to bed around 2 a.m. The first time I've made it awake to bar close in oh.....7 or 8 years. ;) SUCCESS!

10 comments:

Danielle said...

Okay so I don't think the shirt looks like a weed poncho at all ... HOWEVER I love the fact that you touched on that subject because I was literally sitting there saying "haha totally dude" ... hmmm stoner much?! ANYWHO.. I have a website that has cute boots on it ... some with heels, and some without, I got like 4 pairs for under $100 and they are SOOO COMFORTABLE and I too have "fat" calves. For the record I think these fuckin boots these days are made for disgustingly skinny bitches who need to eat a big fat greasy cheeseburger because I, like you, can't zipper up any god damn boots either! There are all different heights and fabrics ... I found the "pho suede" ones are the best because they are loser fitting ... I got them pulled them right out of the box and zippered those bitches right up! I'll send you the link! Good luck! :)

Danielle said...

I know I'm annoying and was too lazy to look up the website but then I thought damn I might forget lol so its www.amiclubwear.com and as I looked they have taken some of them down that I ordered previously about 6 months ago, but there are still a few that might work but I think they are the ones without the heel cuz the ones with heels on there seem to have quite a big one! haha! Alright well hope this helps or at least gives you a starting point! :) xoxo

xoxoKrysten said...

Hehe. Whenever I'm home and Dustin gets home from work (which is pretty much every day since I have no life and no money) I fumbles at the door. And I could let him in but generally I'm too lazy. So I don't). Oops!

Sounds like you had a fun night! I miss nights like that - that's something that would have happened to me in HS (well, not quite but you know) but don't anymore.

Okay, back to bed for me, hehe.

Steph said...

Cleavage is always awesome because I got boobs out of nowhere and I'm excited about them. Stoner sweater, kinda, but not too much...unless you call attention to it. The black shirt is cute and you look cute in those pics, even if you are all smoochy faced with that vampire guy and sweater boots are great for large calves. one of the mom's has large calves and strange enough we had to buy the same pair of UGG boots because i have stick legs and needed the elastic and she has big legs and needed the elastic. good grief i guess when i comment, i sometime comment. meh

Melissa Leah said...

Yes...Remember Me is one to see on my list besides Alice In Wonderland

I totally agree that skinny jeans on guys is not cute. That is because I witnessed a chubby guy in bright orange skinny jeans with yellow sneakers. THAT is not cute either. LMAO.

NatalieCottrell said...

I would probably think that was a stoner poncho if I saw it on the hanger (which wouldn't keep me from buying it, but I'm not exactly a fashionista and favor anything that disguises the biscuits popping out over my jeans), but it looks totally adorable on you. (Especially with the cami. It's a very interesting dichotomy.) (See what I mean? Who uses "dichotomy" when discussing fashion? Or stoner ponchos? The eff, self?)

Great post!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

With 2 kids, I agree that is a success indeed!

You're a funny gal!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I don't know how anyone could wear those pointy toed shoes.

There are a bunch of pics of your man on Perez today.

Mr O said...

This post was a little all over the place. And I love it.

First of all, I still read the title "Fucking Downey" as a verb and not an adjective and I couldn't blame you.

"Stoner Poncho" looks comfortable, and I wouldn't think you dealt and/or did drugs. I would just think you were cool. As for that Muse outfit... smokin!

But Robert Pattinson? Sigh. I guess I can have my Smashing Pumpkins hate and you can have your Pattinson love and it evens out.

And I'm sorry I haven't seen Office Space, but in my defense I tried. Damn cable gave out on me.

Christina Thomas said...

I'm glad you had a great night out without the kiddos and hubs. I'm jealous!

You were a baton twirler? I was a majorette from 5 until after high school. I taught solos and I was awesome!