Friday, February 5, 2010

Welcome to this week's edition of : Ghetto Home Make-Over, Laundry Room Style

Some of you faithful followers have heard about my bitch about my house. (Here, here, and here) And before I get into my bitch session please realize that I already know that my house is well over a 100 years old and that we could only afford a fixer upper. And I know we were delusional when we thought having a fixer upper would be fun because then we can make it suit us. Yeah. I would have rather bought a house fully done if you know what I mean.

Now when you see these pictures you'll feel like signing up for a version of "Pimp My Ride" but for houses. And I would love that. Because at the moment? I am so pissed off at this laundry room. I am also angry at the fact that my super duper handy husband is able to do AMAZING things with other peoples houses but this is what I get. Really? I think I should be using the deluxe model but here I am. With a hoopty laundry room.

So let me start you with a little story. When we bought the house (5 years ago this May) this room did not look like this. For the most part. But one day I told Matt that one of the ceiling tiles looked weird. Like it was bubbled kind of. It's the cheapy things that interlock from Menards which we all know is the ghetto of all hardware and home improvement places. I hate Menards. And the guy we bought the house from worked at Menards so EVERYTHING he tried to fix was with Menards stuff. Not good. Ever the dutiful husband, Matt takes down the one tile. Then proceeded to rip off the entire fucking ceiling.

When I walk in I believe my exact response was, "Holy shit- what the fuck are you doing?! We have no money to replace this. I just wanted to know what was up with the one tile". His response? "It was hard to stop at one." WHAT?! It's not like you are taking a hit of crack here. It's a ceiling. *sigh* So this is my ceiling, 5 years later. Still. I can always tell when someone flushes the toilet upstairs since those are the plumbing things for it. Nice. (So if you come here and don't flush or wash your hands---I know)
Our laundry room is off of our kitchen and then off of the laundry room is the back porch. You remember, the one Matt demolished for no reason. (Are you seeing a trend, here?)
So in this picture you see the door to the back porch (which doesn't shut all the way because it was installed wrong. SHOCKER) But what you need to note here is that gray piece of wall to the left of the backpack? Is play sheet rock, not surprising, but guess what kind of tape they used to put it up? MASKING tape. Now, I'm no contractor but I've watched enough HGTV and DIY to know that you don't use masking tape. I actually believe I could tape correctly if I had to. But they piece mealed the wall because half of it is painted, half isn't. In a puke yellow color. Don't misunderstand- the room will be yellow one day to match my front porch (more on that another time) but a much better shade. This looks like someone pissed all over the walls.

Ah- the other piece of the wall. When we put the addition on, obviously we needed power in those rooms (which are the dining room and our HUGE master bedroom...more on these later). So Matt ran the wires (he really can do anything when it comes to a house. He even sided it for us!) correctly. He assured me he'd only have to make a small hole in the drywall because I was worried that we'd look ghetto with any more destruction to the room. I'm sorry but removing every piece of sheetrock except for what the box is attached to is not "a small hole". I mean he couldn't even make it look better by removing the whole section. No, it looks like he ripped it on the bottom. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.

And the bane of my existance in this room. The laundry sink. This sink is ORIGINAL to the house. It apparently was the shit back in the day. On the first weekend we lived here I did laundry. Silly me, I just assumed a sink would drain correctly. No, apparently the sink drain pipe thingie was installed backwards and at an angle so it flooded the floor. That was our first home repair- Matt fixing that. The hot and cold water taps are backwards (cold on the left, hot on the right). The cold doesn't work. The hot gives you yellow colored water. This sink is for looks only (which doesn't say much) but the water from the laundry drains into it. You'll notice the ghetto hose just laying there. You'll also notice that the left side of the sink is flaking away. I don't know if that's because the yellow water is actually toxic or if it's just old. I don't know. But that's as clean as it gets. We have a laundry sink replacement in the garage. I've heard we've had one for oh...5 years...but I've never *actually* seen it. But Matt tells me I need to get like a cupboard thingie for the sink to set into. Fine. Let's buy it.

But not so fast, lambs! The plumbing is fucked up proper. It has never been updated. So we're talking about shit that will fall apart when you try to do anything to it. Which means the pipes (that run under the house in the crawlspace) need to be replaced. Is it just me or do you think it's a reasonable assumption Matt will fuck this up? His track record with our house is not so great. If this were someone else's house, he'd do it up perfectly. AND make them a fabulous custom cupboard. No, I get shit. And possibly a plumbing bill in the thousands. Yay.

The floor is horrible peel and stick tile (side note- retailers? STOP SELLING THIS SHIT. It's awful.) and I know that I will get relegated to pulling it up which I am sure it will result in chemical burns on my arms from teh adhesive just like what happened with the kitchen floor. At least I get to use tools! Matt never lets me use tools. YAY!

So here it is. We're at a critical point. I need a functioning laundry room. My cats have decided they don't like and are now pissing on the wall. So I am cleaning the corner every hour. It's got to stop. My hands smell like bleach. People don't even ask anymore. (Weird fact- I have a very weird "thing" about smells. My house HAS to smell good. It's either fruity or cinnamon. I am a maniac when it comes to how my house smells. Which is why I'll never be on Hoarders.)

Would you like to donate? Help out? LET ME KNOW. :) HAHA!! (kinda serious, actually. ) :)

11 comments:

Nyx said...

oh hon...feel better.

your sink kind of reminds me of a fish-cleaning station. maybe if you ever take up the hobby of fishing....

were i not about five billion miles away, i would totally help you out on re-flooring that (...so far i'm up to four rooms that i've done in hardwood...some of the knowledge stuck). on the upside(if you ignore the 100 year old plumbing), most of the damage looks like it's cosmetic), so it should be rather easy to fix. slap up some drywall, paint it to a non-piss related color, and it'll be beautiful. well...for a laundry room.

buttercup yellow, maybe?

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I know all about the old house pos pain. My house could be really cute if someone actually cared (besides me). My laundry is out in the unattached garage that is pretty much missing the whole back wall and is now leaking in the middle. I should take some pictures...

Nikki Laney said...

Hey, wanted to say u r a woman I can relate too!!! Love this BLOG!! http://nikkizrants.blogspot.com/ come by anytime...

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Yikes! Yep, you have definite cause for a rant. The basement of our house is finished, but plain and unused, and that drives me crazy - so I can see how you must be going insane with that setup!

I've gotta admit, though, as crappy and inoperable as your laundry sink may be ... it's kinda neat knowing it's an original to the house. Do you ever, like, imagine who used it back in the day, and what their life must have been like? I totally would. :)

xoxoKrysten said...

What really sad is that I LOVE watching fixer upper home shows but I don't think I retain ANYTHING from them. The people on the show make it look SO EASY but I know if I tried to do anything they showed me I'd fail. Miserably.

Smart Ass Sara said...

@Nyx- YES! it'll be buttercup yellow with a light sage green accent and as a smaller accent- cobalt blue. Like my front porch. Which is now in shambles. Will post on that soon.

@Julie- anything leaking freaks me out.

@Nikki- will check out your blog!

@Rita- If the sink was in good condition and taken care of through the years I would have kept it. BUT..obviously I can't.

@Krysten- I love Color Splash with David Bromstad. It makes me wish I knew a gay to help me out. For real.

Sara said...

EEK! You need a new laundry room ASAP! I do like the sink, kinda cool. Tell him to get to cracking.

SheilaC said...

My ex husband was great at starting projects, and horrible at finishing them.
We bought this house in 1985 and there are still things that are not done that he started!

As for your cats, I have one that will pee outside the box if he gets mad at one of the other cats. I have found that Simple Solution works great, and even has a decent smell.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=simple+solution&x=0&y=0

Chin up!

SheilaC

(PS having only recently found your blog, just wanted to say thank you for making me laugh almost every day.... NOT that I am laughing at your home dis-repair! With that I am empathizing!)
take care

Melissa Leah said...

I was waiting for Ty Pennington to jump through the door on the pic with electric box saying that you guys were getting the extreme home makeover....lol....maybe you could crop him in the pic somehow.

FinnyKnits said...

Sounds like the plight of the contractor's wife - to always have the falling downest of all the houses.

At least that's how it was growing up at my place. That and living in all the remnants from my dad's jobs.

I'm thankful we don't have this Menards you speak of, because I'm sure we'd have lived amongst it during childhood otherwise.

See if Xzibit or whoever does Pimp My Ride can come do your laundry room. Even with hydraulics, it'd be an improvement.

;)

Christina Thomas said...

I HATE owning a house! I could live in an aparment for the rest of my life!

I could say that I am where you are. We have no money to fix anything and it seems our house is falling about as I type.

At least your husband can fix things (it sounds like he is lazy). Jeremy can't even hang a ceiling fan. When he does it takes 16 hours. No lie.

I would say be thankful that you have a laundry room...I have a closet. No lie.