That's right bitches. I have a FABULOUS book for you to read, plus I'm going to give you a heads up on a really fun contest/giveaway going on, and I'm going to give you some Sara TMI so I can win said giveaway and bring it all FULL CIRCLE.
Bitch, please. EASY.
October 1999. I was 17. He was 20. It was at his house (which was his parents house. Yes I know how lame this was. Don't judge. I was 17 and thought I was hot shit.) We had been dating since May. We got engaged in August (again...don't judge. I was stupid and my parents hated him so OBVIOUSLY I was going to say yes). He convinced me that because we were going to get married, we may as well have sex. Because being engaged and married are practically the same thing apparently. He told me it was his first time which I thought was weird considering he was 20 and had a lot of other girlfriends before me but whatever. He had a BAG of condoms in his dresser (which yay for being prepared but who the hell is THAT prepared). We lit a candle that smelled horrid. We listened to Nine Inch Nails' The Great Below. It was late afternoon but dark in his room because the curtains were closed.
It was, literally, only 2, maybe 3 minutes long. Like he got in, lots of pain but I knew this after reading the ton of stuff the doctor gave me when my mother got me birth control when I started dating him because she was thinking ahead. (Go mom!) But yeah- it hurt worse than I thought it would. THEN...his brother (a year younger than me) started banging on the door. His parents were home, drunk (again), and so yeah. That was that. I had to hustle to get myself put together and then realized that it hurt to sit. It hurt to stand and walk. So the guy, ever the gentleman, told me to "walk it off" and so we walked around the neighborhood. Which I'm sure I looked real cool hobbling along.
But that was that. I do remember thinking on my drive home, "What the fuck is the big deal with sex? That sucked." And with him it never got any better. For awhile I thought maybe he really was a virgin because it wasn't as fun for me as you see in shows. So then I thought maybe I had some deformity. We broke up at the end of 2001 because it just wasn't going to work out. I had a not so great relationship after him and then I met Matt. And even though after boyfriend #1 and I broke up I started to think that he lied about that (among a lot of other things) but then when I met Matt- I thought "holy jesus--- sex isn't so bad afterall". Maybe that's why I married Matt. Maybe I thought I hit the pinnacle of greatness. Who knows.
Things I learned:
-do not have sex with younger siblings in the same building.
- do not have sex for the first time without advil, lubrication, and some kind of pantyliner. Because you will bleed.
- if you are a slut- just be honest and tell your partner. If you have to lie because you think it'd be bad, then maybe you shouldn't be having sex like a rabbit in heat with everything that walks passed you.
-engaged and married are not the same things. Not even if you are carrying wedding planning magazines in your bag to school and flaunting a ring that the girl after you wore and you're pretty sure belonged to somebody before you.
-communication is KEY to having sex.
SO. Go visit my girl Danon over at The Insatiable Host and tell her I sent you. Specifically mention that I sent you. Also- she runs a panty pyramid. (snicker...) I just joined and so you should join. And then we can all prance around in our new panties and admire the giftbasket I am going to win. And tell dirty stories. Oooh..this is going to be fun.