Wednesday, March 10, 2010

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, BITCHES!!!

That's right. 28 years ago today my mother birthed me in a hospital in St. Pete, FL and the world instantly became a better and more fun place. I think we can all agree on that.


So last week my friend Tammy kicked it all off with the BEST card ever. You see, Tammy knows me. She gets me. When I opened it up I didn't notice it at first. But upon closer inspection- Robert is really kissing me. And not skank ass fugilicious Kristen Stewart. Yes. This needs to happen in real life because I think you'll agree we make a good couple. Nevermind that part of Rob's face is missing- I got over zealous with the envelope. BUT..the side is a BOOKMARK. Tammy- you rock. This bitch is hanging up in my scrap closet. Tammy is probably the friend that gets my struggle with Matt the most. And let's be real, anybody that is still my friend after I almost killed her AND took her for an impromptu muffin run is just the most kick ass person EVER.
And one day I will do an entire post about my Tuesdays with Lisa. Which I'm serious, her and I need to be a talk show. She's the skinny one, I'm the chunky one, we're both funny, and I look forward to any time I get with Lisa. Because she has like a zillion friends and so it's hard to get time together. PLUS she told me that I need to get more bitchy. I know. A real friend will always say you are never bitchy enough. Lisa- I love you. You are such a fabulous friend, I can't even tell you. And don't think I've realized that you have not made me tie ribbons on bubble bottles. Don't feel like I need that experience. ;) BUT I do owe you. HAHA!! So anyways. Lisa took me out to lunch for my birthday on Tuesday. Here is us in front of the poker machines. Yes we were at a bar during our lunch on a work day. BUT..it's a restaurant too.
So then later on, the kids were home when I got home we had cake. Granted, it was probably the grossest cake ever. After being together for 8 years I kind of just assume that Matt would know what kind of birthday cake I like (Cold Stone Creamery's "A Cheesecake Named Desire") since I buy it for every occassion that cake would be appropriate for. So -5 for crappy cake. BUT here is me with Olivia and Jackson. (PS--how tired do I look??)


And after cake I got to open the gifts Olivia and Jackson made me. Photo frames and they picked out their own pictures to put in them. So here they are (the two brightly colored foam frames) displayed with the pictures I have of them by my work. (and yes, they are in a window and yes- that's my wonderful view of the exhaust shop on the side of our building)


So that was Tuesday.

Today is my actually birthday (holla!!) and my co-workers decorated my desk.

Here's my desk when you walk in:

You'll notice my phone has a "Fabulous" key chain on it:
Shot of my desk:

And among the things I got for my birthday:
  • free lunch from Lisa on Tuesday with a card that has the Golden Girls theme song. Again--not only does she say I can be more bitchy, but she gives me a card with the theme to quite possibly, the best show ever.
  • free lunch from co-workers.
  • a Dilbert book called "A Guide To The Rest Of Your Life" which is HILARIOUS.
  • cards from lots of people.
  • a knitting for idiots tool from a building co-worker, The Treadler.
  • $60 in gas money from my brother for Chicago (Travis, you rock)
  • frames from the kids
  • a very cool note AND cd from fellow blogger Sam. (Thanks, SAM!!! I am pretty excited about my new cd-- you rock chick!)
  • a dirty story about her first time from a fellow blogger who shall remain nameless. But I love her just the same.
  • and last, but never least.. a poem. By Chicken.

Sara has me as a lamb whore
Compared to her I'm quite a bore
Today she turns twenty eight
If she lived closer, I'd take her on a date
She has quite the potty mouth
Yesterday she told me who'd she like to go South
Her humor is very crude
She curses like a dude
Maybe this year she'll learn to be a bitch,
Start slapping hookers and leaving them in a ditch
She always looking for a bra for her big ol' tittys
Even refers to them as her Twin Cities
She's a great mom
She'll even drive you home after your 5th sake' bomb
I feel this is the year she'll achieve her "goal"
After that point even Jesus can't save her soul
With the next line this birthday song will end
Sara is above all things a great friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

So with that lambs and goats- I am officially 28. I have no idea of my birth details but I do know my mom did it drug free so let's hope I was little. I think I was. Like 7 pounds something. (HA-- look at me now!) But thank you to everyone who posted birthday wishes on the blog, on my Facebook, in my email, in my text, etc. I appreciate it all and all of your warm wishes made it kick ass. I *actually* felt like a celeb today.
Which means tomorrow to stay on top I need to either flash some vag or get a DUI. According to Perez Hilton anyways. ;)

21 comments:

Amber said...

Happy Happy Birthday Sara!! You are the best!!

Love ya bitch!

Nicole said...

Happy Birthday Sara!!

Nicole said...

Happy Birthday Sara!!

xoxoKrysten said...

Sounds like a damn good birthday to me lady! I already wished you a happy b-day on FB but once again HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Angela said...

I am cracking up over the Twilight card! :)

Happy birthday!

Karls said...

Happy Birthday woman! Me and Jands had beers on my deck last night and talked of you. Hope you enjoy the rest of this auspicious occasion young lady!

Rebel Mel said...

Happy birthday lady! Sounds like you had a good birthday!

Natacha said...

Happy Birthday... 28, wow I remember 28... it was sometime ago, but not that long ago that I cannot remember details... have a fab day!

SpiritPhoenix said...

I'm so happy your day was so fantastic! That's really sweet of your co-workers to deck out your desk like that!

And tres cute gifts from your little ones!

The Insatiable Host said...

I have sat here for 20 minutes trying to come up with a witty remark for you...but I thought seeing how it is your birthday..your 28th birthday...that I would just be sincere and wish you the best!!! I hope that your day is full of more surprises (while I doubt that nothing could beat that card) and that you get big hugs from the kiddies tonight!!

Enjoy your day my friend and I'll call you a whore tomorrow!

Danon

www.insatiablehost.blogspot.com
www.pantypyramid.blogspot.com

Chicken said...

I'm coming over to your house to steal all of your goodies..just an F.Y.I. Do you have an alarm system?

Gini said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND SHIT! Looks like you had a pretty nice day. :)

Another David said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! And I'm jealous that you have such awesome co-workers. I mean, mine are fun, too, but I don't think my cube will be decorated on my bday

Danielle said...

Happy Birthday! I don't think you look tired in the picture with your kids, I think you look GREAT! Check out the blog I just wrong on my envy for you! :)

LOVE the card you got from LIsa how freakin sick is that?!?! What a great friend! :)

xoxo

Erin said...

Happy 28th b-day! Hope you had a great day and sorry for the delay.....I was busy telling everyone around me to F-off! It was one of those days.

Hugs, E

Veronica Marcetti Dimick said...

Happy happy birthday!! We are really close to the same age! I turn 28 in April. But I bet I won't get a decorated desk ... that's how awesome you are. :)

FinnyKnits said...

Happy birthday, doll! I hope you get all 28 naughty spankings for it. Or at least a lot of drinks.

xo

The Ashes said...

Sounds likes an awesome birthday!!

Melissa Leah said...

Happy birthday girl! Have fun in Chicago and rock out super hard at Muse for me too. Can you only imagine what your cube would have looked like if us blogger peeps would have done it. LMAO!

TheBigShowAtUD said...

Happy Birthday, Sarah... the next day. ahem.

Christina Thomas said...

3 days late....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!