Thursday, March 25, 2010

Last Chance at Giveaway- and How To Scare Children

Seriously lambwhores/goatsluts- today is the absolute LAST day (if you don't include a few hours tomorrow...) that you can enter in a RAD ASS contest. Go HERE to enter. Don't be a bitch- just enter. If you don't enter you are going to be entered onto a hitlist. Of sorts.

Anyways!
For those who don't know me in real life you have no idea of what a super fun and awesome mommy I am. One of the perks to being a young mom is that I have the energy it takes to take two toddlers out in public. And you know what I mean. When you see some moms that are like in their late 30's/early 40's running around with toddlers who are throwing gang signs and trashing store aisles you think, "Fuck sakes lady. Control your animals." OR you get people like Octomom who's vagina is like the gateway to Land of Oz and a never ending supply of oompa loompa children.
But me, I'm a young mom. I had Olivia when I was 23 and although sometimes I think I fucked up by having kids so young, I get super duper fun evenings like this.
So being a super young, fun, and awesome mom I decided I was going to take my kids to a movie. Now, Olivia has already been to a theatre (we saw Horton Hears A Who! and The Princess and the Frog) but Jackson had never been. And I thought- a regular uncool mom would just take her kids to a regular ole movie. But I am full of awesome so I'm going to take my kids to an IMAX movie. Aw yeah.
Now, being a parent who rarely uses discretion, I had a brillant moment when I thought maybe the Dinosaurs! movie would be a bit too scary. I mean Jackson thinks he is a dinosaur but I was also realistic enough to know that I'd like to get some fucking sleep that night. So I settled on Deep Sea which was narrated by Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet. Whom I love. It had pretty fishes on the poster and both kids were excited. Except Olivia really thought we got to touch fish.
Olivia and me about to go into the theatre

We got in and bought our tickets which were $5 for three of us, Jackson was free because they offer specials on the weekends for families. SCORE. But we got there early anticipating more people than us four and the 6 others in line. But to kill time the kids got to watch the guys switch the reels.
Once we got in, Olivia was immediately terrified. Because if you've never been in an IMAX theatre it's a bit intimidating. So we position ourselves half way up so we weren't breaking our necks and we were close to an exit. Jackson though the seats were rad since he got to be all big boy without the booster. Because they had no booster. Which was a problem because this boy needs to be strapped in.
As soon as the movie started, both kids started screaming. I am not even lying. They screamed and Olivia jumped into my lap, Jackson into's Matt's. Both kids are apparently terrified of loud voices (which upon closer inspection we were right NEXT to the speaker) and fish. Now, I would never have guess that my kids would think ocean water and fish were terrifying.
When the octopus and the squid came on? Both kids LOST.THEIR.SHIT. Screaming, clinging to us, crying, faces and eyes covered. So far this isn't going well. Now a normal parent would just leave. But fucks sakes- I just spent $15 on tickets, $12 on TWO ice cream cones, not to mention the water that would have been cheaper to scoop from the god damn lake and distill myself. So our asses were staying.
After the horrors of the squid eating a large fish and an octopus eating a jellyfish, Johnny Depp starts telling us that squid will even eat people. Which set Olivia over the edge. She started telling me she is never swimming ever again. Which she's never swam so you know- this is a problem. When the crab is eaten by another animal, screaming. Olivia cried and Jackson said "oh well" (which was a new phrase for him that week).
The movie was just under an hour. When the lights came on I think the other 6 people were just as pissed that their money was wasted. But Jackson, bless his heart, clapped and blew kisses at the blank screen. Meanwhile Olivia told me she never wanted to see fish again. I liked it. But I like water, ocean, all involved with that since I am a Florida girl AND a pisces. I'm convinced I was a dolphin in my previous life or something.

So here are the kids afterwards. They looked pretty happy but this was because I told them they were late for bedtime. They both fell asleep in the car because they both take after me and require a lot of sleep. They like their sleep. So 7pm has been their bedtime since birth. But they both woke up screaming that night. Olivia won't let me read her book about ocean animals because she tells me they will eat her. Jackson no longer like to play with his toy fish in the tub.

In the end, it was fun for us. We really don't get to do much as a family what with Matt's dislike for places with people (total opposite of me) and how he gets crabby almost instantly. But the kids like going to new places and are really well behaved 99% of the time. Which I know I am incredibly lucky for.

Thank god we didn't see the Dinosaur movie.

14 comments:

jprp said...

OMG your kids are gorgeous! how cute is Olivia with her glasses on, oh and Jackson blowing kisses! melt my heart! oh, and it made me sad the last paragraph about not getting to do a lot as a family because of matts awesomeness :(

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Way to traumatize the children lol! I had to take Trevor out of the movies once because he just couldn't handle it and I asked if I could get a refund. They gave me vouchers for the next time we came.

Chicken said...

$15 bucks for a few nightmares, that's actually not bad. I remember we saw something like that as a kid. The Great Barrier Reef, yes that's what it was and I to this day freak out with even thinking about what is living in the ocean. Hell I'm scared of my own fish tank :)

xoxoKrysten said...

Now she, your kids I probably could have handled when I worked at Caribou. Seriously some people's kids... I once got yelled at by a woman because she wasn't watching her kid and he ran behind the bar and sat right in front of our swinging door to the backroom. I was coming out from the backroom and, of course, didn't see him because our window is adult height (since, you know, you have to be 16 to work behind the counter at the 'Bou) so I kicked the door open (I was carrying something) and smacked the kid. Who should not have been there. And SHE had the nerve to yell at ME. Till I told her we're not paid to babysit at Caribou.

She was not happy.

Your kids, however? Lol, I probably would have let them help me make drinks ;-) Because they're darling and they'd make good tips, lol.

Steph said...

Sounds like a great time at the movies LOL

I've been with a doesn't like being around people-bummer :/

Danielle said...

Thats really awesome Sara! Even though they ended up freaked out its really cool that you took them to a movie and stuck it out! I feel like I would have been one of those parents that walked out if JC freaked out, so major props to you for saying fuck everyone else and staying! :)

Sam said...

What great pics!! Your offspring are beyond adorable!! I took my friends son(5) to IMAX to see SHARKS about 6 months ago and it was pretty much the same thing, screaming, crying, wanting to leave etc...I dont remember being scared of IMAX as a kid, I wonder why kids now-a-days are.

Gini said...

HAHA, that's kind of hilarious! Your poor kiddies, awwww. :)

Another David said...

They were screaming from... Deep Sea??

JennyMac said...

You are hysterical...and someone I can not send MiniMac to the movies with...LOL!

And I will plot revenge against you for making me think of OctoMom and her busy hoo ha. HAHAHAHA.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

My sister in law got freaked out by some ocean something as a kid and to this day still HATES water. HATES IT.

How old are your kiddos?

naomemandeflores said...

Hahahahaha...so funny!!! Amazing story!

Morgan said...

This story made my day! Poor little Olivia! She'll get over it I'm sure, though. =)
I watched this flick last year and absolutely loved it! The luscious voice of Johnny Depp + Kate Winslet's accent + deep sea creatures + 3d = amazing

Melissa Leah said...

The whole scaring kids thing would be much worse if you used like a video from PETA or something.