OK I have a bit of housekeeping to do before I go into my letter. Miranda over at Ink On My Sleeve asked me to do a guest post for her this week. So if you are interested in checking it out, please do that HERE. And also I really want you to enter Spirit Phoenix's giveaway. Not because I think you are going to win, because I've got that in the bag, but because you should give blog love. Ink On My Sleeve is having a giveaway as well (proper pimping you, Miranda) but I will warn you. I have that shit on lock. Don't even try. :)
Anyways. On with the show, eh?
Dear Younger, Skinner, Soft Spoken Self:
Hi. I'm you in a few years. Don't panic- you still have great skin, your boobs have gotten a bit bigger and you are not single with 50 cats. You are also not a hoarder. All good things.
But there are some things I'd like to just give you a heads up on because I've got to be honest. You are sometimes an idiot. First off- learn to make a damn decision on your own. You can ask everyone what they'd do- their answers are always the same because *apparently* everybody except you gets it. And you know their right. So just make a decision and go with it.
When you are in 8th grade on the last day of the year? Do not get offended that your so called friend asked your crush out. Because she will eventually drop out of high school, get ugly, and be a loser. Your crush will stay hot and eventually become your neighbor with his wife and two kids. Which wouldn't be awkward normally, but on his move in day his mom helpfully tells him, "You remember, Sara, right? She had the biggest crush on you she said!" Yeah. It also will be funny when you see him playing at the park with his kids when you know that you vandalized the tube slide in 9th grade with your friend when you wrote "SK + TR" in glitter puff paint. That stained the slide and is there forever and he has no idea that TR is him.
When you get to 9th grade and you find out your best friend is moving? It's sad. No lie. But try to make new friends right away. After 9th grade it's a lost cause and you'll never fit in anywhere if you don't. You'll be the weird girl on the outside of the circle. And when Gabe asks you out in 9th grade? Just say yes. It's the only action you'd be seeing until 11th grade anyways.
When you do get to 11th grade and your crush asks you to go to a hot tub party? Don't be a fucking pussy and say no. GO. Even if would never have worked out because you're a city girl, he's a country boy because he was hot. Even if you do suspect your friend is being a douche about it. And in 11th grade when the boy who everyone knows is gay asks you out, do as I did and say no. It's ok. You lose a friend but in the end, it's ok.
When you turn 17 and the boy from DQ asks you out, it's ok to say yes. It was a good 3 years. Just don't get engaged. And if you really think you're going to have sex with him, for god sakes find somewhere other than his parents house to do it. Because it's kind of lame and anti-climatic. In more ways than one.
During your senior year reconsider being in a relationship. Please know you aren't going to marry the guy even if he did give you a pretty ring. He has no job, lives with his parents, and is a compulsive liar. You know this, your parents know this (despite what you think now), and you have a future. Don't let him talk you out of going to the senior party because he'd miss you. That's shit and you'll regret it.
Don't let anybody tell you that you aren't smart enough to be a geologist. It's what you really want to do so you should just do it. It'll give you opportunities I will tell you right now you won't ever have if you stick on this path. And if you do decide to skip that and go to the community college to be a secretary- be happy with that. It's a good job and you will actually enjoy it most days. And don't let anyone tell you that you didn't go to a "real" college because that was hard work. Those 2 years kicked your ass and you worked damn hard to get the rank you did.
But when you are in college you will meet your husband. And it's good in the beginning. Enjoy every minute of it. You won't be the clingy, jealous girlfriend which is good. You'll make plans. But when you see signs of anything weird- do something. You'll get married and you'll be so happy that day. You will feel like a princess and for the first time in your life you will feel like the center of attention. That you are worthy of love and can be liked by others. Hold onto that because it is fleeting.
When you get pregnant the first time even though you are ecstatic- please pay attention to the information about post partum depression. I didn't and it was awful. Tell your doctor you need help and it isn't the baby blues.
The next few years are hard. I won't lie. You'll learn a lot about yourself, your capabilities, and your husband. You won't be happy. And when you get to the unhappy part please do something. Leave when you have the chance. Even when you find out your pregnant with your second baby it's ok. You can do it. It'll be easier to do it then than later on. You have a support system of friends around you. You will be hurt and angry. You will feel let down by some friends and family. You will feel abandoned but it'll be ok.
And I hope by doing these things, you will face a much different 28th year than I am. I hope better for you than I had. I hope that you don't change the path too much because the reward of the two kids you'll end up having is better than any kind of love a guy can give you. They make me want to sacrifice my happiness so they can be happy.
I don't know where I'll be next year. I don't know if Matt will be here with me. I don't know if we can work things out. But I do know I'm scared. I do know that I'm sad. I do know that I want to continue to be the best mom that I can to Jackson and Olivia. I do know that no matter what path I choose I am facing a very long and hard road ahead of me.