Friday, April 16, 2010

Panties Are Out Of My Ass

OK, so first up I am sorry that yesterday I was all Debbie Downer instead of my usual Debbie Does Dallas self. I promise to better. But with that, I want you all to know I adore you all and you all make my day. Every now and then I need a good slap up the head and THANK YOU to everyone who not only made it through that long ass post but also commented. Your positive words really do mean a lot and it's because of you that I was able to just pull my thong out of my ass. Which then you know, being a thong, it kind of went back, so I totally changed my panties. Just for you.
Yay!

BUT I have lots and lots of things to tell you about so let's get the shiz-nit going, mmkay?


First- I'm a mother fucking winner and Melissa Leah is my mother ship. Why? Because I won her contest and I am getting a $30 iTunes gift card. So you're probably all, "Oh man..what are you going to download, Sara?!" Well that's a good question. I'm undecided. I mean, I need to get the new Lovehammers because even though their website SWEARS they are sold at Best Buy, it must be every other Best Buy except for mine because it isn't there. I had a text convo with Mr. O the other day venting my frustration. They have Kevin Federline but they don't have any Anberlin, Lovehammers, Anya Marina, All Time Low, Wallflowers, Lykke Li, or the first Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. WHAT THE HELL?! But they have Kevin Federline and god damn Skee-Lo. Jebsus. But back to me being a winner. I also want to download some Juke Kartel. I will give you a handful of sparkle IF you can tell me what the Lovehammers (Marty Casey) and Juke Kartel (Toby Rand) lead singers in common. Both guys are just ubber fucking hot ANYWAYS, but I love both of their bands. A lot. SO, if you are looking for new music please, please, please check them out.

Second, you may have seen Rebel Mel up around these parts commenting and I hope you've checked her blog out, Tweeded. If you have been to her blog, particularly on Friday's, you'll notice that she has a Domesticated Friday post and since she's busy....I'm her guest poster this weekend. This is really super fantastic because I was going to jack her idea anyways so this is my first one and it got my feet wet. So starting NEXT week on Friday's I'm going to be doing my Domesticated Bitch Friday (see how I changed it to suit me there?? CLEVER) on my blog and I hope you'll join me.


Third, I have to tell you about something very cool and fun coming up on Monday. Mr. O, one of my blog besties, hosts a radio show on Monday nights 7:30 - 9 p.m. (central time, yo) and you can stream it online at: http://wegl.auburn.edu (click on streaming at the top). Last week was part one (numbers 30-16) of great vocalists. I'm not going to go as far as saying BEST vocalists (because he is totally leaving off Frank Sinatra and I'm about to start a protest, except I'm totally out of poster board. Mr. O_- you are getting off easy this time...) but on Monday it's the top 15. You must check this out. If nothing else, it's a really fun time. BUT to catch up, check out his blog post HERE to see what we heard last Monday. So this Monday- check it out or be a loser.


Fourth, I am going to be Krysten's bitch. What this basically means is that I'm going to sponsor her blog and I'm being forced to make a button and AH!! I can't do it. I'm a button retard. SADS. So eventually I'll get that and you'll see me on HER BLOG.


Fifth, my Etsy shop is up and stocked, and more will be coming soon. Buy stuff so my kids can eat this week---HERE.
Next, here are some randoms that I took today. This is the sign for Dan's Feed Bin. I've only been in there 3 times, all three to get food for the dog of my at-the-time boss and all three times the smell was unbearable. But if you can't see it the sign reads: "If we can't feed it, you don't need it" and I so badly want to add "y'all" to the end of that. OH! Here's the bathroom sink at the scrapbook store I went to today. Keeping it clASSy, yo. And honestly? When I saw it, I thought it was a penis. I don't know why I thought that- I was still out of it from exercising.

But the fun story for the day. So Matt goes to work ubber early (like 3 or 4 a.m.) so I get the kids up which you know, fine, no big deal. We put them to bed an hour later than usual so that I could MAYBE sleep in. That didn't happen because at exactly 5:03 a.m. Jackson is SCREAMING like he's being murdered. So I didn't fly up there because I'm not even awake so I'm more like stumbling like a drunk up the stairs while somehow stubbing my feet into everything possible along the way. But when I get in there? Little man had his ENTIRE leg through the crib slats, which are one inch wide. First off- how the fuck does this happen? Aren't they narrow to prevent this? And then I realized I had no idea what to do. So I have him screaming, Olivia is now screaming, both are crying, and I'm digging through my bathroom looking for something to use. Lotion does nothing, just makes him smell like pears. I'm using hand soap, bubble soap, shampoo, conditioner..nothing is working. I, of course, have no Vaseline because aside from his circumcision, I have never needed it. So I reach into the drawer and find the one thing that got him out in a second. KY Jelly.

I didn't think about it until after I cleaned him up from the various liquids I squirted all over, and then cleaned the floor, and then changed the sheets. Then it hit me. Why the fuck is KY Jelly in the bathroom? Upstairs...on the other end of the house from our room?? And then I'm like oooohh yeah..... no seksi times for us so you know- Matt's doing his thing. Well thank god because it saved Jackson from having a dislocated knee or me, god forbid, trying to cut the slats.

11 comments:

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Oh my gosh I love your posts. Seriously they make my night.

And I will SOOOO make you a button if you'd like. Pick an image and I can totally do it. It may not look as pretty as the professional ones but I'm not TOO shabby!

Or maybe I am and I'm in denial?

Amber said...

Oh fuck that was funny!! I mean, I am glad your little man is okay and unhurt, but that is some funny shit.

When Joshua and I first got married, we lived in a tiny trailer where I had to store all the Xmas ornaments in the front closet. So on our first Xmas, I am getting out a box from the top shelf and I hear "Shhhhhhhh" (like the sound of something sliding across the top of the box). I look up about the time a magazine hits me in the forehead and falls to the ground. Yup, you guessed it....a skin mag. But one of the worst kind. It was a SWANK. UGH....those images are still burned in my brain.

When he came home I told him I found his dirty magazine and he claimed he didn't know it was there and it must be mine. I told him I didn't care, so he started keeping them under the bathroom sink.

Hard to explain when someone was in the bathroom looking for tiolet paper, but oh well....

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Oh my god!! Talk about one emotion to the other lol. Poor baby and what an ass for beating off instead of having sexy time with you! I think my husband secretly does it out in the garage or something.

Rebel Mel said...

Ah! I love it! You're going to start doing domesticated fridays! You'll have to guest post again soon! I loved having you! Should I make a button? I'm gonna make a button. I want everyone to share their domesticatedness.

Everyone should.

Funny story though, after work tonight I came home to check to see if anyone commented on your post and the boyfriend asked what I was doing. Blogs aren't his thing at all, so I told him about domesticated fridays and how I asked you and another person to guest post for me while I caught up on my other stuff and how I was reading what you wrote for your post today and blah blah blah. He looked at me blankly. I told him I was sorry for talking about a million things he isn't interested in (susie homemaker crap, cleaning, freebies, recipes...)

I thought it was funny, and thought I'd share.

Maybe it'd be funnier if you were here? Who knows.

Kate said...

Ahaha Jeezy-Creezy! This is why I think I'd make a bad mum, I'd probably laugh and take a picture before helping.

Glad you're feeling a bit better. I want to come through the screen and give you a hug and a stiff drink.

Ann said...

OMG, I almost peed myself over that one! Gotta love KY...

Mr O said...

Thanks for the shoutout, you always help out. Thanks again.

I saw a thing on facebook where someone said you are always getting things done. For real, how do you do it? I've done nothing productive all weekend and I have a few things I need to get done.

Don't make fun of "ya'll" cuz then my feelings will get hurt

And just sayin, they are good songs, no denying, but why is the beginning of your playlist all emo? I had to scroll down and now I am jamming with Timbaland and JT talking about three-somes, but not with each other (I hope)

Sam said...

In regards to Mr. O's comment, I personally think a three some with JT and Timbaland would be the hottest thing ever. :)
This is exactly how my reactions went about your etsy shop. "Fifth, my Etsy shop is up"(Oh good, she found some time to do creative things) and stocked,(Yay, ill have to go check it out) and more will be coming soon. Buy stuff so my kids can eat this week---HERE. (laughing so hard, picturing you standing on the street corner selling pretty cards with a sign that says, ""Buy my cards so my kid's can eat."")
Also, your hair looks bitchin good in your facebook badge thing on your blog. :)

Latharia said...

You absolutely crack me up! :)

Oh, and I bought those fertilizer sticks you recommended & put them in the ground (with extreme prejudice & a mallet & some swearing) around the apple tree. Wish me luck!

Veronica Marcetti Dimick said...

I was totally expecting another peek down your pants, with a title like that. ;)

Morgan said...

I've always wanted to steal that bull. Maybe we should start plotting...