Sunday, May 2, 2010

Book Review: I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL by Tucker Max


I want to start this book review off with the statement that I am not highly sensitive or offended when men act like jackasses. In fact I think it's funny as hell especially when they totally know they are an asshole and most likely never going to be good enough to be in a marriage. Or have a decent woman behind them. Enter Tucker Max.
I saw this book sitting at Barnes and Noble sandwiched between really shittastic chick lit and "jesus loves you" crap. It called to me because I have frequently said to those around me that I fully recognize and understand I am likely going to go to hell for the things I say to and about people. I am totally ok with this. In fact, I'm pretty sure there is no going back for me and to be completely frank with you- at this point I'm hoping I can get a nice chair while I'm there. Like a reserved reclining chair with my name on it. Tucker wants beer, I want a personalized chair.
I don't think I could ever hang out with Tucker, much less ever have sex with him. The fact women still want to have sex with him is amazing in it's own right because if he doesn't have a plethora of STD's, he's obviously received or currently receiving treatment. Another reason I couldn't have sex with Tucker is that I don't do blow jobs. Now, my male readers are probably spitting out their chosen evening beverage right now, but understand, it's not for lack of trying. Trust me. I apparently, have been blessed with the gag reflex and while I will take one for the team and do my best, please do not ever expect it to be swallowed. Don't even try because I can't be held accountable for my actions if you do that and before you do that- please remember that I have teeth. And will use. And I understand this is a big deal, which Tucker has explained:
"Blowjobs...the sweet sounds of silence. The problem with oral sex is that it's like writing. When it's done right, it's amazing, but there are just so many ways it can go wrong, and when it does, it's just not worth it."
"The most comical part was what was going through my mind; here is this girl sucking like my cock is the fountain of youth, and all I could think of was that this was probably the most she had eaten in months without throwing up."
What also just kills me is that no matter how many times a person has a horrible experience with drinking- they just get back out to the bar and do it again. Tucker has a rating scale on his stages of drunk. He also has a female ranking system. If you are a hardcore feminist- please do not read this book. Don't see the movie and by fucking god- do not go to his website, www.tuckermax.com because it will only make you angry.
Even the owner of a vag I'm appalled at some of the things Tucker says or thinks about women. But then I remember what kind of chicks he's picking up and I agree with him. I have had lots of friends who were the bar fly type and were looking for a cute guy for a quickie after a long night of drinking. And I have long said you are never going to find a decent person to partner with in the bar. I mean, I get that some people do but damn. It's so rare and more often than not that kind of relationship will fizzle out. Usually when someone goes to the bar, gets drunk, cheats on the other. Even if you aren't the smartest cookie in the bag you can still conduct yourself with some class.
So I recommend this book if you are looking for a good laugh, know someone or are that someone who is the vulgar and often inappropriate person in the group, and are not offended easily. If you are not any of these things- please don't read the book and then post on here that I'm a traitor to the vagina.

7 comments:

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

He sounds like he should TOTALLY come to River Falls. Because about 90% of the girls that live here are exactly like the kind of girls it sounds like he sleeps with. In fact, maybe I'll buy a few copies of his book and leave them at random bars here in RF ;-)

Shanel said...

I thought about buying this book a while back ... I think I might give it a try:)

Miranda said...

Sounds flippin sweet. I'm gonna have to check this one out. It's got to be interesting to really dig into this mindset because sweet Jesus i've been with and been friends with these guys. Actually, I think this is what exists at the deepest core of just about every guy. Thanks for the review love!

Cecelia Winesap said...

I loved this book too! It was so nice to get into the mind of an asshole for once!! It's so nice to see another girl who liked the book too. I'm a traitor for liking that book, apparently!! :)

Another David said...

I haven't read this yet, but I've heard such good stuff! It's on my list

Nikolett said...

I heard this movie was terrible but had no clue it was based on a book. This Tucker guy sounds like something else - but he sure makes blow jobs sound poetic LOL. Hope you had a good weekend, lady :) Oh, and I tagged you in a little Q&A survey if you'd like to do that :D

Morgan said...

I haven't read it, but Simon has and thinks it is hilarious. He recommends it out often, actually. Being the baby girl with 3 older brothers, I'm used to stupid boys. In fact, I get along with them better than stupid girls - but that's another story...

The one story Simon has told me about this book that I think is the most comical, worth over-telling story in it is the one about the tranny and Tucker's advice to question the need to constantly reapply lube. Fucking kills me it's so funny!