I promised you that I would answer any and all questions asked of me. Nothing is off limits and I don't embarrass easily.
Mostly because I don't give a damn. So here is what I received comment wise this week:
1. How many sex toys do you own? Do they need AAA or D batteries? Matt will not let me post a picture but whatever. I currently have 5 regular vibrators, two small vibrators, 3 different kinds of lubes, a whole bucket of rings (some vibrate, some don't), ribbons (for tying), and a ton of different edible/lickable things. Pretty basic. Everything is either a AA or D battery. OOH-- I will tell you that one time I ordered this vibrator called "Diamonds and Pearls" that had these beads the spin on the inside. Painful. Don't ever, ever, ever use this. FYI.
2. What is your opinion on plastic surgery? I love plastic surgery. For the right reason. Like I don't think we need any more Franken-Heidi's walking around because people who can't eat or talk without drooling because they can no longer feel their lips is weird. Actually- anytime someone fucks with their lips it just looks wrong. And if we're being honest, it scares the shit out of me when people are just randomly drooling. Especially if they don't know it. I don't consider myself a vain person by any means and figure I'm born this way so basically- I don't have small boobs or ass and I need to learn to live with it. Do I sometimes wish I could buy pants without having a complete fucking break down in a dressing room with concerned attendants asking me if I need a different size with fear in their voice? Yes. Is that going to ever happen in my life time? Probably not. Unless my ass mysteriously falls off in my sleep. But obviously- if you are deformed or look like Kristen Stewart, then I'm all for it.
3. If you could have one super power what would it be? I would like to read people's minds, like my idol, Sookie Stackhouse. (If for some deranged reason you don't know who that is- you need to watch HBO, specifically True Blood.) I mean yah, it'd be all loud and confusing but it would make it ten times more hilarious to make fun of people. And I could FINALLY figure out why the guy working at the post office counter stares at me weird. He does it to nobody else, and when I walk in it's like he can't function. Dang. Freak. I just want some mother fucking Simpson stamps.
4. Have you ever smoked? Dope? No to both. Fun fact: I apparently have the lung capacity of an asthmatic with one lung. I can hardly be in a place with smoke because I feel like I'm suffocating. I can do it but I'm basically dying and when I go outside I'm sucking in air like I've been stuck under water for 3 days.
This is also part of the reason I can't snorkel. Not only does my lung capacity and functionality suck rocks, but I apparently cannot breathe out of my nose. Seriously. This was driven home when Matt and I were on vacation with his family at Disney World. We did the seven day park hopper on one of the days we went to a waterpark called Typhoon Lagoon. Which was fun, FYI. But they had a "snorkel with fish" thing and we obviously wanted to do this. Keep in mind this "pool" was 3 feet deep and you can see the bottom with the faux sea life but they had real fish. So we get in and almost immediately- I realize I can't breathe. Every one else is having a swell time gliding like fucking fish themselves but here I am- flailing and choking. In three feet of water. A supervisor 16 year old kid had to rescue me. Pretty fucking embarrassing. Thank you puny lungs.
5. Why are you awesome? I think it's a combination of great vibrators, Pepsi, and boobs.
Frankly- I'm sad that my minions could not think of more questions. Insert *blank stare* here. I'm bummed because a lot of you seem to be borderline psychotic and/or sexually deranged so I was ready. Not even the interweb perverts came after me this time. So I grabbed my big book of questions and picked out 5 more. Just for fun.
1. If you were to name the greatest sexual advantage that women have over men, what would it be? We can fake it. Seriously- tell me you have NEVER faked it. I faked it every time with my first boyfriend. I had no idea what an orgasm actually was until I met Matt. Seriously.
2. If, for the rest of your life, you could achieve an instant orgasm by being touched on one particular spot on your body, where would you want it to be? The small of my back. By far.
3. If you had to constantly carry a weapon, what would it be? Totally a taser. I think tasers are hilarious and they look super fun. I already told Matt that they day Target sells them, I'm going to buy one and we're going to test it out on him. I think he thinks I'm joking but I'm totally not. That would be super fun.
4. If you could keep only one book you currently own, which would you choose? Definitely Linda Howard's All The Queen's Men. I have read that book 50+ times and I still love it. GREAT sex scene. This book makes me want to marry a black ops agent.
5. If you had to name the one thing you envy most about your mate, what would it be? Matt can fix anything. No matter what it is, he can figure out how to fix it. Not that this happens in our house- but I've seen him do it.
Now I think you should do the questionnaire. You can either do it on your blog or answer in the comments. ;) Do you have questions for me? Comment or email anytime and I'll answer them. :)
Tomorrow is Domestic Bitch Friday and I'm done with the post because I'm awesome like that.