This week we have covered belief, friendship, and life and death. Today we're going to cover The End. Here's our song for the evening:
No, don't panic-- I'm not leaving you my beloved lambwhores and goatsluts. ;)
It means that after almost eight years with the same job, a job that I loved and honestly thought I'd spend many more years at.... I have quit my job. It's been a long time coming. In my gut I felt for a very long time that things were changing. What used to be a fun and rewarding job has turned into a witch hunt. We have switched how we do business which isn't always a bad thing but in this case it is. People have very little respect and trust in anyone. Everybody is out to get each other. Honestly we spent more time talking about personal stuff that very little meaningful work was being done. I'll be busting my ass at my desk while people are talking about sports and stupid shit. I can only fake interest for so long. What used to be a really fun work atmosphere and genuine friendship between people has turned into backstabbing, lying, and high school drama.
I'm sick of having my ideas tossed around or disregarded because I'm young. I'm sick of being talked about if I chose to bring my own lunch and eat alone. Sometimes? I want to be alone. Sometimes? I don't want to talk to anyone. Sometimes? I just want to do my job in peace and quiet. Sometimes? I can't listen to the ass kissing. Sometimes? I just don't care.
How many times can it escalate 'Till it elevates to a place I can't breathe? And I must decide, if you must deride. That I'm much obliged to up and go.- Fiona Apple, Get Gone
Although I have been unhappy for awhile, the last six months have been the worst. I have always been a pretty optimistic person and I know that even when things get bad it rides out. The tides come in and stuff settles down and things will go back to being just dandy. But six months of it getting worse and worse. About two weeks ago my professionalism came into question because of my blog. My personal blog. The very thing that is covered under the First Amendment. Confidentiality was called into question. And while I agree that one post was maybe crossing the line the others weren't. A concert review? A post about my purse? A post about IKEA? A sloppy joe recipe? Please. Get a life. First off- I'll edit these posts and they are going back up. Second off- if a specific person had a problem with being mentioned THEY should have said something to me. Like a year ago. Because these posts? Were from LAST YEAR. Get over yourself. Third? Nowhere on my blog or even in my profile does it show my full name or where I work. Fourth? The sloppy joe recipe is published in a cookbook. How is that confidential??? Ultimately- it was the first step in what I know to be basically a mission to get me fired. Which is really hysterical because I actually did my job. I not only did all of my work but I did work for other people. On time. My stuff was never late. I can count on one hand how many times I was late in my entire 7 1/2 years. I only called in sick when I had no child care (rare) or when I was actually sick. Oh wait---they think I faked sick when I had H1N1. Um yeah- I have at least 5 people who can vouch for me on that. It wasn't a vacation and the fact someone from work insinuated that? Unprofessional and childish.
I consulted with three lawyers who all encouraged me to stay and get fired after they saw my documentation of things over almost eight years. I had one call me yesterday to tell me he'd take my case for free because he feels I'm being treated unfairly.
But it doesn't matter. Because in the end- I don't care. After my actually hilarious Monday, I stewed all week. I didn't know what I should do. Get fired or quit. Then my dad had his heart attack and that changed the situation around so I had no choice but to quit. So it worked out.
So I'm done. I'm gone.
And I'm sad. Ultimately none of the office staff will care or suffer. The only people that will suffer are the volunteers. I can't even tell you how sad I am that I won't be interacting with them day to day. That I won't see them at recognition and see how proud they are of all they accomplish. Sure, I'll see some locally but it isn't the same. I will miss them dearly. They have done so much for me and they don't even know it. I have learned more from them than I ever could from anyone else. That job has given me opportunities I wouldn't normally have had and for that- I will be eternally grateful.
What does this mean for me now? It means that as of right now, I'm stepping into stay-at-home-mommy status. Financially we are going to be tight but we've been in worse situations and we'll be fine. Today I got a part time job and I'm actually super excited about it. They are going to be flexible with hours so I can do them when Matt gets home AND spend time with my kids. It means my mom and dad are free to do other things than watch Olivia and Jackson all day while I work. They are in heaven with me at home and I actually couldn't be happier.
Already I feel a thousand times better. I guess you don't realize how toxic a situation is until you're away from it. I haven't had my daily headaches in two weeks. Well, I had a migraine today but that's because Aunt Flo is visiting. That bitch. But other than that? No headaches. I don't feel like throwing up when I wake up in the morning. On Sundays I don't cry with the thought of having to deal with the gossip and backstabbing. I'm free to eat lunch on my own! In my pajamas if I want to! :)
But more importantly- I feel like the old Sara. I wish you all knew me back in the day. ;) You think I'm awesome now...it was better. Which can only mean better things for this blog. And speaking of this blog- it will be more upbeat. No more Sour Puss Sara. OK, so I might still have down days but not nearly as many. Pretty soon I'll be getting my own domain name and obviously I'll keep you informed on that.
OH! And I'm writing a book. Many, many, many of you have asked me about this and yes- I'm writing. I promise. I have two in the works: one is about my 30/30 list and one will be about...you guessed it...all my employment follies. ;) It's going to be fabulous. I've already started my outline and I'm really excited about it.
So there you go. Lots of things are changing in Sara's Organized Chaos and I want to thank ALL OF YOU who have sent me encouraging emails, Facebook messages, left positive comments or sent me texts with happy thoughts. You all mean the world to me and I'm glad you're with me on the ride.