So yesterday we talked about belief and basically what it means to me. Today I'm going to talk about friendship.
And please click "play" on the playlist to your right. It will enhance this post. (Sorry to the numerous lambwhores and goatsluts that absolutely hate Ke$ha and her lame excuse for an "S" but just bear with me. It's a song that instantly comes to mind when I think of this particular person I'm going to write about. Just deal with your panties up your hole.)
So friendship to me means a lot of things. It mean honesty and loyalty. Knowing that I can come to you no matter what time of day or night it is and know that you will give me your undivided attention when I need it and you know that I would do it for you. It means knowing that you will not make up lies about me. It means knowing that anything I tell you know matter what it is isn't going to go beyond the mass between your ears. And you know I would do the same for you.
My head is very much like a vault. The things I know about lots of different people is unbelievable. People who are absolute strangers just tell me things and I hold it all in. I know more about the people around me- who's cheating on their spouse, who's having a baby that isn't their husbands, who has a gambling problem his spouse hasn't picked up on. Who's on drugs and who's got a drinking problem. You name it and I probably know someone who is involved in it. And it's ok because if I can be the dumping post for someone and make them feel better or give them advice- I'm here. I like doing it and I never mind when people vent. Some of you, dear lambwhores and goatsluts, have either emailed me or messaged me on Facebook to ask me for advice. Or have told me things about you that maybe nobody knows. And I love it because I am a great listener. It is, after all, one of my best qualities.
Let's just note for the record: I have a very small group of friends. I have four friends in town that I know I can count on. One is new, but the other three have seen me at my highest high and my lowest low. They are all so very different from each other that maybe hanging out wouldn't be a blast for them but they all love me and I love them. I also have a small group of internet friends who, in their unbiased judgment and fabulous taste in a leader, have all become very near and dear to me. If you are in this group you know it. I'm not adverse to making new friends but it's hard for me. I've been wronged a lot and have learned a ton about how friends can quickly turn into bitches and douchebags.
With that note- what do you do when you find out that someone you considered a friend really isn't a friend at all? That this person would rather make themselves look better than be a friend. They are willing to throw anyone under the bus and claw their way to the top of a totem pole that doesn't even exist and they really don't care about anyone else but themselves.
And that's a shame. Because eventually- this game will catch up to you. Eventually you'll have no real friends. Eventually karma will kick you firmly in the ass and I hope it kicks you so hard you land on your face on the pavement.
Because I? Would never treat someone like I've been treated. I think it's hilarious that even though I've talked to this person and I've confided in this person because I thought that they were a friend and they had my back- I realized now that EVERYTHING I have ever told them has gone elsewhere. Seriously? Do you feel good about yourself being known as a kiss ass? Yeah- you're so upfront and truthful to our faces but when you turn around and do the opposite? You are a loser and you have no credibility.
Make no mistake: I gossip. BUT anything I ever say about anyone else I would never hesitate to say it to their face. And most of the time I do. You may not see it, you may not ever hear about it- but please believe that I voice my opinion. Nobody can ever say I'm a shrinking violet and if I have a beef with you, you are most certainly going to know about it.
What I can't stand more than anything is that when I do call someone out on someone and they flat out lie to me. Lie to my face. I hate nothing more than a liar. Really? Do you honestly think I believe you when you tell me that you didn't do these things? Or that these conversations we've had you haven't shared? Bitch, please. Do you think I have "asshole" written across my head? Because if you do then it's just your reflection you're seeing. Don't you think it's strange that you have something negative to say about EVERY single one of your "friends"? Because my friends? I have nothing but praise for them. I may disagree with a choice they make but I support them 150%. I back my friends up even if I know they are wrong. But you, dear backstabber? Are superficial. You're a bitch. You think people respect you and like you but they all think you are a bitch. You think by acting tough and being the ultimate enforcer you will gain the respect you so desperately want. But I'm sorry. You can prance around doing all of these things and all you are doing is making people not want to see you. To deal with you. But it's ok because you can play a great game. Obviously.
But this chick? Is so tired of watching you make an ass out of yourself. I'm tired of the drama. I'm tired of always being on my toes because I might say or do something and you'll go running and twist it around to something it never was. I don't know why you do it, and I really don't care. But I do know that at age 28 I'm very glad that I can look back at every point in my life and know that I have never treated anyone like this. And at least I know I can look myself in the mirror and know that I'm a good person and that people like me because I'm fun, awesome and a great friend and not out of fear.