Saturday, June 5, 2010

It's June so obviously you take down Christmas lights.

Before I get into this post I feel like I have to explain to you my lover for outside Christmas decorations. I don't know why I love them but I do and I can't help it. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is hands down my most favorite Christmas movie of all time. Nothing can or ever will beat that in my book. Ever. That movie is what I aspire my house to look like come Christmas.

The only problem is I don't actually like to put this shit up myself and have delegated all outdoor decoration and lighting responsibilities to Matt. And every year he lets me know in no certain terms that he hates it and wish the moving deer would just die.

He isn't one for the Christmas spirit.

But every year, right around Halloween, we get like one super nice day which is ideal for putting up Christmas decor. Sure- you look like a fucking jackass for two months with snowmen, lights, poinsettias, and moving deer in your yard but really? It's better than using a hammer to get stakes into the frozen ground when it's sleeting and you have lots of wind. NOT IDEAL.

And this year we made it a family thing and decorated around Thanksgiving. By "family thing" means we (Olivia, Jackson, and I) sat and played with sidewalk chalk and told Matt where to put stuff.

I should also mention that this year someone actually GAVE us a bunch of stuff. Including the two things I have wanted forever and Matt hates with a passion that in usually reserved for fat women in white spandex with leopard print underwear: inflatable snowman and inflatable Santa. You know- the six feet tall ones. HEAVEN.

He hated it, we heard about it for months. But Christmas came and went. You can't take down decorations until the ground thaws so they stay up well past the holiday season. Which looks lame.

But our house is particularly lame because for the last three years--- our white icicle lights stayed up all year. They look dumb as hell in the middle of August when we're having BBQ's and smores in the backyard. But this year? Matt took the lights down!


And then demonstrating stellar parent judgment- we haul a two year old on a ladder.
And then to the roof.
So yes. The lights are officially down and we are no longer the white trash on the block. That title is gainfully recaptured by the pedophile behind us who collects disability for a bad shoulder yet he was chopping wood like a lumberjack yesterday. All while staring at me and winking. And his wife- who is screaming and swearing at her two girls (both appear to be under age 9 or so) for being "constant fucking bitches".

Classy.

It's like Teen Mom and Dad Camp but live in my own backyard. Except these people are in their early 30's. Loves it.

8 comments:

Ann said...

Glad you called yourself white trash so I didn't have to. Sounds like you've got some classy neighbors, too.

Natacha said...

We have things in common here...I love the blow up things too... and my husband hates them too. Only I use them for Halloween (giant pumpkins staked high) because we don't do Christmas (being Jewish). If I could find a blowup menorah for Hanukkah, I will buy it for sure... even if only to piss off my DH...

Chicken said...

Well I guess I'll have to hold the white trash title for the both of us now.

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Oh my gosh, your song is TOTALLY "Redneck Woman" by Gretchen Wilson. Totally.

JK. Kind of. Just makes me think of a line from the song about having Christmas lights up all year 'round, hehe.

Jaime Hungry said...

I love christmas decorations too! I hate the blow up thingies but I love the reindeer! And I wish someone that I lived with would put up Christmas decorations, even if they got left up till June. Lazy assholes.

Gini said...

OMG, the inflatables are SO FUG. Sorry dude (not really). That is hilarious to me that you have obvious Christmas shit up seriously for like half the year, not just lights.

I do love leaving the lights up bc well, it's easy. And also it makes me think of college parties and that just makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Also drunk. I might be conditioned.

Another David said...

It's all good, I had a friend on my bus in high school whose decorations stayed up for a few years. Besides, in August, you can just call them barbecue lights and it's like nothing ever happened. The deer, on the other hand, are a different matter all together...

NikkiAnn said...

Your "superb" little neighbor girls are always walking into my grandparents house like they belong there, and will just make themselves at home. They're AWESOME! We were all chilling at my grandma's (back in April) having lunch when someone walks in the back door. I was expecting it to my one of my aunts or something, and the door to the living room opens, and in walks this random little girl. I was like "WTF?!" She just sat down on the couch and started watching TV. My grandparents said "Hi" to her, and she just gets up, and comes to the table and expects to eat lunch with us. My grandparents politely told her that she could have a cookie, but needed to go back home. Apparently they do this daily... I was like "Hmmmm... awesome!" Then a minute later we hear her dad screaming for her to "get your ass over her NOW!" Even better!

So... you're for sure not the rednecks in the neighborhood my dear! Maybe I'll see ya Friday? We'll be at my grandparents...