Saturday, June 12, 2010

Six Years. And nobody has turned into an alcoholic.

So today is my six year wedding anniversary. Six years ago at this very hour, Matt and I were whooping it up at our wedding reception at a casino. Lots of people were drunk already, some were having sex in the bathroom, and I was a dancing fool. (fun fact: click play on the playlist to hear our first dance) (also fun fact: lots of compliments on our music since I had pretty much picked out everything that was to be played and in what order. Why we paid for a DJ I will never know since I did 90% of the work for him.)

Here's us literally after we got married. We were waiting for the photographer to set up. Can we say "boobies"??



And during our photos I could not stop laughing. Which is the customary thing when I get put on the spot. I think Matt was embarrassed. Whatevs.

But our six years hasn't always been fabulous. Actually we have been together for eight years and I will say maybe only half of those years, if that, have been good. But we started strong so I think that's something to remember. When we first started dating we had both had some baggage but it didn't seem to matter. We loved each other almost right away and we were a super cute couple. Obviously.
And we knew right away we were going to get married. We started dating in January, moved into our apartment in July and were engaged in October of 2002. It was a busy year.

And we got married June 12, 2004.
We don't do anything on a slow pace so in December of 2004 I got pregnant, we bought a house five months later and four months after that we had Olivia. Which was the turning point in our marriage. Everything was fine and happy up until then. I had post partum depression and honestly? I don't think either of us have ever reconciled what that did to our marriage.

We have had good times but lots of bad times. There have been times where I feel like walking out of the door. There are times where I am sure he's questioned my sanity and whether he made the right decision. There have been plenty of days where I wish I could just go back and do everything over because I think I'd do it differently.

While I have stayed true to all of the vows I pledged, he has not. While my love for him has wavered, his for me has not. And I think that is what keeps us together. I think at the end of the day, we know we're young. We know that we did everything too quickly. All of our adult milestones we have done together.
And I know we both love each other. Every time I question whether or not I should just say fuck it and leave I remember our vows. And I believe there is a reason vows say "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, for good times and bad, in good health and in sickness, in happiness and sorrow." I can honestly say that in the six years we have been married we have gone through each of those things. We have been so broke that splitting a can of spaghetti o's over two dinners was a luxury. We knew eventually things had to get better we just weren't sure how that was going to happen. We've had to go through bankruptcy. But we did it together. We have all of our good memories from our road trips we used to take and just all the time we used to talk together. He handled me like a pro during pregnancy and never batted an eye when I came up with a new demand. At 2 a.m. In a blizzard. He helped me tremendously when I felt like killing myself after Olivia. I hated every minute of mommyhood and he did the best he could. When he has had some mental health issues I have done everything I could to help him through them. I know he struggles every day and every day I wish I could do more. But I'm here and I think that's all I can do.

And no matter how bad it gets, something always happens and turns it around. I can't lie and say I have no regrets, because I have plenty. There are things I wish I didn't do and things I wish I never said but I can't change that. And neither can he. We try very hard and marriage is a job. I never realized how much work was necessary for our marriage until I quit my job. And now I see what all of the drama and stress did to me and in turn, did to our marriage. No amount of money is worth the sadness I would feel if I didn't have Matt with me.

But, being real, there are days I wish I could smother him with a pillow. There are days where I wish I could run away from it all and start all over. A brand new person in a place where nobody knows me. The happiness and freedom would only be temporary but I do think about it. This feeling might change if he stopped snoring so loud neighbors across the street can hear him. I'll keep you updated. I think we're both surprised that he's not only lived to tell the tale, but also that I'm not an alcoholic by now. If that isn't a miracle I dare you to show me one.

So with that, Happy Anniversary, Matt. I love you as much as I did on our wedding day. Thank you for dealing with me and my crazy because nobody else could do it better than you. I hope we make it another 6. You know I'm all about even numbers and such. :)

17 comments:

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Happy Anniversary!

Ruth said...

Congrats!

Anastasia said...

Happy Anniversary. I know what you mean about the ups and downs. Marriage is hard f'in work! But I'm glad you guys have made this far without murder or chemical dependency! ;)

jprp said...

thats a very honest and thought provoking post hun, I hope you have had a beautiful day together, and maybe this is the start of the happy times, here's hoping xx

_Dushka_ said...

Congratulations! I love how honest you are about your relationship, I think that's probably why you guys have lasted so long, and if that's not the reason, then it's because you guys make people like me SICK with jealousy in your couply photos haha, wishing you all the best with your adventure together!
x

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Congratulations to both you and Matt. I think anyone getting married should read this post - especially people who think that marriage will be easy. Because it most certainly is not. But it sounds like you and Matt both work to make your marriage work and that's what's important.

Natacha said...

Congrats! Nice photos of the two of you... Husbands can drive us crazy, it is a case of "can't live them and can't live without them!" What more is there to say?

deannaburasco said...

Congratulations to you both! I have had major ups and downs in my marriage as well. Making it through the disasters and all the bad days to the good is definitely reason to celebrate!

NatalieCottrell said...

First of all, huge congrats to you both! Second, thank you so much for your candor in this post. I've read quite a few of your blogs, and you do always seem to tell it how it is (which I adore!). But your honesty in this post really gives me an idea of what a real, tried-and-true marriage looks like. Best of luck for many more annis to come! :)

http://www.nataliecottrell.blogspot.com

Gini said...

Aw! Hope you had a great anniversary together!

Salt said...

You guys are adorable. Happy Anniversary! I hope you had an amazing weekend!

Another David said...

Aaaw, happy (belated) anniversary! If you've made it through so much, I'm sure you can make it through anything :)

Sarah Nicole said...

Happy Anniversary! You two make a lovely couple!!

____j said...

Happy Anniversary, Sara!

Veronica Marcetti Dimick said...

Saw this today and thought of you:

http://daily-nail.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-wanna-do-bad-things-with-you.html

Amber said...

Happy Anniversary (late) from me!

I loved this post. I am glad that you two are working through things. Trust me, I know how hard they can be. Joshua and I have been there. We just celebrated 14 years married and 16 together, so I know you will too!

*Hugs*

Jaime Hungry said...

Congrats! I love your honesty in this post. And the pics of you two are stinkin adorable.