Now I am pretty sure that 90% of the population has seen at least one episode of the hilarity and sadness that is the MTV reality show lineup. This lineup mainly consists of teen parents and the adventures into the real world. When I first saw the show "16 and Pregnant" I honestly thought this was some kind of joke. I realize that there are a lot of teen parents out there, considering I graduated with a few and I don't live in a Mormon commune and I have cable tv. I mean, I've seen the Maury Povich show. What I love about these shows is that these girls bitch about pregnancy the entire time. Bitch that their parents are making them get jobs (HORROR!), bitch that their parents don't want to pay for and/or raise the baby (WHAT? I'm going to miss prom-- my mom is such a bitch!), or they bitch about their boyfriends dumping them. DUH. Obviously he's going to dump you. A boy between the ages of birth to MAYBE 25 is not capable of making commitments like this. They think they are but once you throw them in? Forget it. They simply aren't wired for it. I also love when in a good situation one parent has a job and then the other one is PISSED that that other parent is working all the time. Um...somebody has to pay for diapers.
And while I'm not surprised that the girls who get pregnant have unrealistic visions of Baby Gap shopping sprees and Prada diaper bags, I AM surprised at how many are getting pregnant. Seriously- why is nobody using condoms? And if you don't like the feel of a condom why aren't you on birth control? My mom put me on birth control the day I told her I had a serious boyfriend. My mama wasn't messin around. And the thought of me coming home at 16 to tell my parents I was pregnant? My mom would have BEAT MY ASS. And even when I told her I was pregnant with Olivia at age 22 and MARRIED I was terrified. Absolutely terrified that she'd be mad. She wasn't obviously. Disappointed because she didn't think I was ready? Maybe.
And she was right. Even at 22 and married I wasn't ready. I had never held an infant in my life before Olivia. I babysat and it went horribly- I actually don't like other people's kids for the most part. Which is kind of fun when I take my kids to play groups and I have to fake interest in the bug some other kid dug up. If that were Jackson? I'd be all into it.
But I would like to be one of those people who teach parenting classes to kids before they have their babies. Or before they get pregnant. Like a Parent Boot Camp of sorts. Not only would I rock the outfit, but I'd like to have one of those police batons to complete the outfit. Obvi.
And I wouldn't sugar coat anything. Although I love my kids and would never trade what I have for the world- I'm going to be honest. It sucks most of the time. And that sounds harsh, but it's reality. Let's be real:
- No more showers alone. The bathroom door is always open to hear of toddler brutality or the smoke alarms when they set something on fire.
- No more peeing/shitting alone. Not only are kids fascinated by you using the potty but again, you have to know where they are at all times.
- Sleeping in? What is that even like?
- Going to bed in a timely manner? *snicker* Bitch please, after you race towards bedtime and have that 3 second taste of freedom you suddenly remember you have dishes, laundry, cleaning, and prep for tomorrow. Goodbye, reasonable bedtime.
- Friends- it was nice having you. If you have friends who don't have kids or not in the market for them anytime soon they don't socialize with you much anymore. It's not because they don't like you, it's because they can't empathize with you. The friends who do have kids are too busy with their own lives- so getting together is rare. And if you are one of the moms who gets to go out with friends frequently? I question that. Because I work and I feel like I hardly see my kids even though I'm with them for a big chunk of the day.
- Sitting down is not an option. I long for the days where I could just take a Saturday and watch trash television for the entire day while eating my favorite assortment of candies and junk food. And still stay skinny. That doesn't happen. The minute I sit down all hell is breaking loose in the dining room over one of the six blue markers we own because they both MUST HAVE THAT EXACT marker at that very moment.
- Your personal items? Are now toys. All of my shoes, purses, jewelry have become toys to them. Nothing is off limits because short of locking them up into a safe I don't have they just take them from wherever I put them. I can no longer own anything nice. It's either ruined or broken within days.
- What used to be a 20 minute errand, running to Target for a few essentials, has now turned into a one hour extravaganza once you get everybody dressed, your purse/coupons ready, everybody out to the van, buckled in, get yourself in the van, get to Target, get everybody out of the van into a shopping cart, convince the one that's crying that it's fun to be in a cart while convincing the other one she's too cool to ride in the cart like a baby, buy your goods, get everybody out to the van, out of the cart, buckled, your bags into the van, get home, get everybody out of the van, your bags out, into the house, shoes off and bags unpacked. THAT? Is enough to drive anyone to drink and I don't care how good your kids are in a store.
- You no longer know what fashion is. The fact that I have been known to wear Crocs outside of my house says it all.
- When you have a baby you no longer have control over your body. Your boobs will leak for no reason. You will no longer feel "fresh". The pads you put in your bra? Will start to smell and/or stick to your nipple. Pumping milk will make you want to join a Cow's Rights group. It is excruciating and I don't care if you have the nipple cream or not. Having both of your nipples sucked into a plastic cone by a device plugged into a wall for MAYBE an ounce of milk hurts. And god forbid you let your milk dry up. Having both of your breasts turn into two gigantic ROCKS that sporadically shoot milk while you are trying to sleep is painful. For a man I suppose it would be like having an erection at full salute and trying to sleep on your stomach.
- Also, you never really gain control over your bladder. Pre baby you could say...walk, run, job, jump rope, jump, or laugh without an issue. Do this post baby and you are wetting your pants a little. Even if you do your Kegel exercises three times a day it never really goes back to normal.
- You will get excited over baby socks and anything little. For no reason. You know you can't have anymore but the fact that they are so incredibly tiny and adorable will send your uterus into overdrive and make you do irrational things. Like have sex with your husband.
Honestly? I wish teenage girls, and boys for that matter, actually used their brains. You can make babies. Pulling out doesn't work. Having sex can have consequences. No matter what your religion is, no matter how good you think you've raised your kids to make good choices, you cannot be naive to the fact that in the heat of the moment they won't toss it all out the window. Because the boy "loves" them. Because the girl is willing. Kids do stupid things- because they are kids. They haven't grown up to the point where they really get that choices have consequences. I am lucky that my parents have always been open to talking about anything/everything. I got my sex talk when I was 8 and I remember it. I was terrified and grossed out, but we talked about it all of the time since I was 8. It wasn't a one time thing.
I think parents need to educate their kids about sex and EVERYTHING that can come out of it. Not just babies, but diseases as well. If you don't think you are going to be able to have that kind of talk with your kid- don't have kids. You aren't doing anybody any favors. While I think staying pure until you're married is an admirable thing and is a great goal- I don't think it's very realistic. Anybody who's been to college can attest to this. Actually- anybody who's ever been drunk and found the fat girl/boy in the corner attractive can attest to this. Just because you want them to wait until their married doesn't mean they will. Educate them anyways. It's an awkward conversation but you have to have it. It'll only hurt them in the long run if you don't have it.
I had sex ed in seventh grade. And it scared the shit out of me. We learned about everything- every male/female part, what sex is, what anal sex is, what diseases there are, what those looked like and the symptoms/treatments for each, what pregnancy is and what happens to your body, we put condoms on bananas, etc. Which was pretty progressive for a small town in Minnesota back oh.. 15 years or so ago. Nothing was off limits and the students asked a lot of questions. But I also talked to my parents about stuff. Anything I didn't want to ask in school I asked them and got straight answers.
My mom used to say- if you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, ask for birth control, or use either- you are not mature enough to have sex. Period. And that's the truth.
So what do you think? Do you think schools should be doing sex ed? Should it be parents only?