Thursday, July 15, 2010

Cat Vagina Problems, Deformed Cat, and Sara's TMI questions answered.

OK- so without linking back to old posts I think you all remember my struggle with Rosie. You know, the feral kitty who Matt raped? Yeah- I think that is worth a refresher. Well Matt and I have really debated for the last month or so on what to really do with her. Do we spend the almost $400 (that we don't have) to get her vagina all fixed up, or do we give her up to a no-kill shelter and hope she gets fixed by them and then re-adopted? Well while my cousin Rhonda was here I pretty much hit the peak of my patience with this cat. Rosie...has learned how to spray. And honestly? This was my first encounter with a rank smell coming from a pet so I didn't realize what it was in the beginning. But then I realized she is constantly spraying the jackets and shoes my kids wear, which means I was washing the same jackets and shoes DAILY. Then the real kicker is when she did the carpet by the front door. Do you even KNOW how hard that is to get out? I just hit my patience-o-meter and told Matt she was going to go to the shelter ASAP.

Then I told my daughter that Rosie was going to live with her mommy- she really misses her mommy. And at first that was ok. But then literally, 10 minutes later out of NOWHERE, Olivia starts balling. Wants me to take a picture of her and Rosie for "her memory".


So clearly, you can see how this little girl's face is going to make me feel like ABSOLUTE SHIT. But the kicker was that I was just as sad to see Rosie go. I mean, especially after trying to help a girl out with a q-tip, and how she pretty much left you alone. Except for all the moaning and now the spraying. I don't know. Plus I don't have $400 to get her fixed and honestly? It's irresponsible to not get your pets fixed. So Matt took Rosie to the shelter.

To which he tells me they are no longer a no-kill shelter and he had to sign off saying if she wasn't adopted soon that she would be put down. Again, I felt like mother fucking shit. And I had two crying kids for 3 days. And I cried too- no lie.

So then the following Friday comes and at our never-ending yard sale my sister in law decided to bring her cat's kittens to get rid of for free. And one look at the only male kitty in the box, complete with deformed tail, and I was hooked. I mean, Lenny has extra toes on his front feet so he looks like a freak, so this cat would surely fit in.

Sorry- turn your heads to get a good view.
This is Stumpy. Stumpy is gray and white- has a black freckle on his nose and a short tail. Literally it's like a stub. He? Is an absolute CUDDLE BUG. In fact, he's a cuddle whore. He is on you- and not on your lap. Like on your head and shoulders, or he curls up under your chin and purrs. He likes everybody. When he's happy he wags his tail like a dog. But it looks retarded because it's a stump. And the kids? Love him. Good choice. SO, we're going to get Stumpy fixed soon for the low-low price of $59. Score.

OK, so yesterday I tagged a few people in a question/answer thing and I've learned some things. The most obvious is that while my readers apparently like to read about me and really out there Q&A's, you don't like to do them. Well- at least ones that will make you squirm. Second of all, I realized that the MAJORITY of my readers are super shy. *snicker* God help you if you hang out with me- I am not shy about this kind of stuff and as I said to one tagged person, it takes a lot to embarrass me. And I will respect you still if you chose not to play along. BUT...someone emailed me and said it was only fair that I answer them too. And I agreed because I would never ask something of someone that I wouldn't do myself. So here goes.

If you are family/friends- stop reading now. If you continue reading, do not call my mother and say I'm a terrible person. Do not get offended because I've put this handy disclaimer up.

1. At what age did you discover masturbation and how did that happen?  I was 17, and had already lost my virginity. I didn't really have luck with sex because I thought it sucked to be honest, but then my friend gave me a vibrator for my birthday. It became my new BFF and I used it until it literally died.


2. What's the worst sexual encounter you've ever had? This would be my second boyfriend. He wasn't meant to be a serious relationship, he was strictly rebound. We had gone out of town for the night and while at the hotel room, we started having sex. Except I wasn't really feeling it, I had decided the day before I was going to break it off, and so I wasn't um...enthusiastic? So he's watching tv while I'm barely doing my thing and then I fell asleep. It was pretty bad. If he wasn't feeling it, I don't know why he initiated but it was annoying. Plus he never lasted long and was REALLY heavy and would put all of his weight on me. So I literally felt like I was being crushed. Awful.

3. What is one thing that will get you all hot & bothered almost every time? Being tied up, kisses on my neck/ears and when the guy seems super eager to get going.

4. What is one thing that you haven't tried sexually that you think you might want to do. Eventually. Honestly? I think we've tried most everything. There isn't anything that's ever been in a Cosmo or Talk Sex with Sue show that we haven't tried. And I'm pretty open to a lot of things. Just tell me before hand- don't spring it on me right before I'm about to climax. Mood killer.

5. If there is one thing that you would change about your partner's sexual technique- what would it be? Ok- so basically his technique is great. Matt has a um...talent....that I love. He knows what it is. ;) But at some point he learned that *some women* like it when you hum while giving oral. I don't. It's annoying and does nothing for me. And it's weird. What the fuck is that supposed to do? Guys- if you are doing it-- stop.

6. Top or bottom? Definitely on top. I don't really like the slow & gentle (for awhile it's fine...like in the beginning) but honestly? The hard & fast is the way to go for me and the best way to do that is for me to be on top. OR, me on my back with legs straight up in the air.

7. Talking or no talking? I don't like to talk. I like being in the zone and concentrating on what's going on. If the guy talks it's fine- but jesus. There is a point where too much is too much. But dead silence is weird too. I'll tell you if you're doing something wrong or something you are doing is really right- but aside from that, I'm not going to talk dirty to you. I think it's silly and I'll start laughing.

8. Oral sex- yay or nay? Yay for receiving. Definitely. And this is where I'm going to get a lot of guy haters- I hate giving. I really do. Not only does it do nothing for me, it's just boring to me. BUT...I will on occasion. Every night/time? No. And don't ask me to swallow. I won't eat vegetables so don't expect me to eat that. ;)
 
OK- if there is anything else you want to know about me or have a topic you want me to cover- I'm not shy. Post a question on here OR you can shoot me an email at slinkies_r_us AT hotmail DOT com.

8 comments:

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

So I was thinking - I think the only reason I don't mind a lot of talking while doing the deed is because I'm usually being far too ridiculously loud and the guy is all "Shh Krysten, someone's going to call the cops." I'm too damn loud lol. But I've been told that's a total turn on so whatev.

BTW sad about Rosie but welcome Stumpy! What a cutie!

The Insatiable Host said...

Stumpy seems fucking alright. I had a polydactyl(20 toes) but Dan "said" he "ran away" - I think he killed him. He was awesome though...anyhow, stumpy's the man. As for Matt raping Rosie, not sure how I feel about that.

Lol..stumpy.

jprp said...

stumpy is the awesomest cat ever! I have a cat who has a deformed tail and shes cool as! I was going to tell you too that I have another cat who has been fixed for years and still occasionally sprays, so even getting Rosie fixed wouldnt have been any guarante of regaining your sanity, so I think you did the right thing.

now on to the rest... I fucking love your honesty, and that my dear, is why I visit here at least once a day, you rock my world!

Alpha Za said...

Congrats on the new cat! Awesome savvy bit of business if I do say so myself. the last time I asked for a pet, I got a younger sister, which scared the crap out of me. I got a turtle though. It was awesome (the turtle).

Q: Where is the weirdest place that you've done it.

Q: Have your kids every found um...your 'stash of pleasure' if they ever did, how would you respond?

Q: Have you ever fallen asleep during sex?

Q: What are you views with regards to eating in bed, does your cleaning compulsion drive you nuts?

Q: Which cheese best suits a burger?

Q: weirdest fantasy (not including the venerable, articulate Mr. Pattison).

Amber said...

I am working on a post right now with the tagged questions, but like I said in my previous comment MY FREAKING GRANDMOTHER READS MY BLOG!! I just found that out.

Sorry if I am being a pussy bitch.

Sara said...

Yep, figured people were shy. You, my friend, are way open. Very fun! Congrats on the new kitty. Rosie looks like fun, but I feel ya on the spraying. Just does something to the whole "she's so cute" vibe.

Another David said...

hahaha, let this serve as a psa "spay and neuter your pets, folks!"

Rachael said...

So, your kids just learned:
It's ok to frighten and injure someone if they are inconveniencing you.
If you do injure someone, you are not responsible for taking care of them or making it right.
If someone really inconveniences you, it's ok to abandon them to a gruesome and undignified death.
Others are disposable, replaceable, and available for your short-term amusement.
Really, really sad. Poor little Rosie.