First off, I should watch the news more because I think I could be WAY better than Nancy Grace. I am a bitch naturally- so I wouldn't even have to talk over people to get my point across. But Jane Velaz Mitchell? She looks messed up. What happened to her face? LAY OFF THE BOTOX BABY.
Anyways. Let's hit up some news stories that I think are entertaining for different reasons.
1. The Jet Blue guy. Seriously- if you haven't heard of him you are a bigger loser than me. I have to admit, I'm Team Slater. The guy works in customer service, so let's all just think about that. Have you ever saw that A&E show "Airline"? Have you ever flown? Because if you've experienced either you know exactly how incredibly rude people are when they fly. There is something about the airport that as soon as a person walks in they are angry and hate the world. And god-fucking-forbid it rains. Oh god. If it rains, and there's even a CHANCE of a delay? You better hope that none of the women are currently pregnant or on the rag because shit is hitting the fan. I will state for the record that I have a horrible flight travel experience record. If anyone should be going AWOL at an airport it's me. I've been "flagged" EVERY flight I've been on in my life except for the one when I was 5 in 1987 but back then I'm sure you were allowed to bring guns on anyways. Anyways.
So Slater is doing his job, obviously hates it and I don't blame him when this bitch is all breaking the rules trying to get her shit out of overhead. Obviously, anyone with an iota of a brain knows you can't do this until the plane is stopped and the lights tell you it's ok. Nope, she's all crazy and entitled, and the compartment thing hits poor Steven in the head. First off, the fact that he ONLY went on a tirade on the intercom and then grabbed two beers while deploying the emergency chute and checked his ass out of their shows huge restraint. Because I know words would have been said if it were me. At the minimum. I would have been arrested for actual assault.
And let's face it- he's a hero. Because ANYONE who has ever had a shitty job, or at least worked retail knows exactly what was going through his head, and you've only WISHED you could have done something like this. I applaud YOU Mr. Jet Blue Diva for living out the fantasy that lives in all of us.
2. The lady groped by Donald Duck. Anyone who waits two years to report an assault by a stuffed duck is clearly off a few. People who are sexually assaulted don't run to a lawyer- they file a police report. She's claiming she's having "digestive issues and flashbacks" because of it. Um, first- take some Pepto. It works miracles. And second- flashbacks? Of what? I would think this is hilarious. If Donald Duck grabbed my boob, first off- I would demand it'd be re-enacted so someone could take a picture for my scrapbook. Shit- that's a vacation memory yall.
3. Mitrice Richardson. Oh, this one is so sad. So the quick & dirty is that Mitrice, a 24 year old in California, was acting bizarre in a restaurant and walked out on her tab. Obviously, she's arrested. While detained she exhibits strange behavior and is ultimately released in the middle of the night/early morning hours. Fine and dandy- except she's released without her purse, cell phone, wallet, and has no vehicle. So she starts walking around downtown Los Angeles and disappears. The police department fumbled this from the word go and basically deny she was acting strange and did everything by the book. A month ago they reported they had leads she was partying it up in Vegas but her family never believed that. With cause because her body? Was just found and identified. She was murdered and her body was in a ravine not far from the police station where she was last seen. I'm not an expert but it obviously sounds like the department knew they fucked up and tried to cover their asses and are now fucked. It's really sad because you know the chances of them finding who killed her are slim to none and that's not fair to her family.
4. Lindsay Lohan. She might be getting out of rehab early apparently. Um, anyone want to place bets on how quickly she is photographed stumbling out of a bar with her nose covered in white powder? Yeah, didn't think so.
5. Don't eat cats. Seriously. You just have to go here: http://www.boston.com/news/odd/articles/2010/08/10/ny_police_find_live_cat_marinating_in_car_trunk/ and read it yourself.
So I have to know- what are your thoughts on Jet Blue Diva? I feel like I need a shirt or something to remember this by.