So those of you who either know me in real life or at least follow me on Facebook have heard about what I have referred to as The Never Ending Yard Sale.
Every year I have done one, maybe two yard sales on my own and I've done pretty well. If you have never done your own yard sale, it is a LOT of work. The process is pretty much:
1.Find what you want to sell.
2. Price all of it.
3. Organize it some way that won't piss you off come sale day.
4. Haul all of your shit to wherever you are having the yard sale, if not in your own yard.
5. Make signs, put them up, do any kind of advertising you think you want to do.
6. Set up on the day of the sale.
7. Sit there and fry in the sun during the sale.
8. Deal with crazies.
Thankfully, most of my stuff was still priced from the year before but I still had a lot of new kids clothes, toys, movies, cd's, etc that I was adding that I needed to price. So the night before our first sale, I had Matt go around town putting up signs. I had put an ad in the paper and all of that jazz. We hauled an entire trailer to my mom's. We were set.
The morning of the sale I went over to my mom's and we started setting up. About 30 minutes into set up, it started to rain. Not just rain...it was pouring. We gave up and decided to do it on Saturday. Saturday comes and the yard is so wet. We had to put tables on the sidewalk because they were sinking into the grass. By the end of the day my mom's yard looked like Woodstock had just happened. And we were filthy. We had great sales but the most interesting thing that happened was meeting the real life Slingblade.
I'm serious- we are pretty sure this guy was a serial killer. He appeared to be late 60's, had the customary dirty white tshirt, saggy brown old guy pants with the brown loafers. He had coke bottle thick glasses that were so greasy that I have no idea how he could see out of them. He had few teeth and what he did have were bright yellow and gross. But the scariest part? Is that he had the SAME voice as Billy Bob Thorton in Slingblade. It's the stuff nightmares are made of. Oh- and he drove a mini van that was all busted up, but the windows were covered with blankets. Obviously to hide bodies or something.
But my brother was selling his shotgun, and obviously Slingblade kept eyeing it up and pretend aiming it at the neighbors. Scary. But the weirdest thing? He kept like, hopping, around my mom's yard and demanding to know what was under the grass. I said dirt, obviously, but my mom informed him that it was clay because almost everything in Superior is built on or around clay. He obviously disagreed and stuck around for another 15 minutes checking it out. He was so weird. And frankly- he kind of scared us.
Then there was a lady who parks her car right next to a puddle and proceeds to jump into the puddle, then bitches about the puddle. As if we purposely put it right next to her car just as she pulled up. So she sits on a table to take off her socks. Then, as she's paying for her stuff, she puts her disgusting, filthy, wet socks on our pay table. Seriously- I'm surprised my mom didn't say anything to her. I had to walk away because some lady had a million questions about a toy. Annoying.
Another highlight were the fat people. Thankfully, Matt came by at almost the end one week. He was bringing lunch for Kate and I, so we put him in charge of sales. And the people. Cue the mini van that pulls up, almost taking out the fire hydrant. Inside the van were a husband/wife couple, grossly obese. I'm talking fat like they couldn't get OUT of the van. So poor Matt had to bring up all of the movies we had for sale (easily 50 in one of the two boxes) up to the van so they could look through them. No joke. So while Matt is doing this, Kate, my mom and I are laughing hysterically. Matt made his first and only sale that day of $11.
Yesterday we had a lady stop by with her grandsons. She asked me if I thought she could use a breast pump. I had no idea how to even answer that so I turned around. At that moment I noticed that she had parked, inches from the stop sign and her front bumper touching the fire hydrant. I should note that these two items are very much on the grass. So this lady is parked right on my mom's lawn pretty much. With two annoying grandsons in the car whining.
We had one lady come with her 12 year old grandson who was forced to wear a "I Love My Grandma" shirt. In public. I should have called child protective services for him. But his grandma was buying baby girl clothes for this kids mom who just had a baby in the hospital. Like the day before. So had to hear all about the labor, the after birth, how the placenta was really big, and how she just keeps bleeding, etc. I've been through it twice myself which was good because if I hadn't been then I would have been throwing up. She was so weird. She stayed for 45 minutes.
One day at the end of the sale, a bus full of developmentally delayed people came. Which is all fine and good but good lord. They all bought something very random which is fine because we need sales. At the end, one guy almost attacked my mom giving her a hug. I obviously hid behind the trailer, next to a bush until they all got back onto the bus.
We packed up our stuff for the last time yesterday. Well, until next summer at least. And thank god because by the end of yesterday both my mom and I were both exhausted, sick of looking at our stuff. I took some stuff to a second hand store and the rest was packed up and stored in our garage. And already...I have a box of stuff that is going into the next yard sale.
So, what was YOUR favorite yard sale memory?