Tuesday, October 12, 2010

And then there were three.

I bet you thought I was pregnant!

I'm not.

But before I get into tonight's post I have two fabulous things to update you on!

1. I am a certified winner! My card won the Get Sketchy challenge last week and you should go there and tell them I'm awesome. They know that...but it doesn't hurt to reinforce.

2. Then I'm a guest blogger at another blog. Yes-- Neal emailed me a few weeks ago and wanted me to bless his blog with my awesomeness and because I am such a giver I did just that. Go HERE to check out my post for him. I want you to check out his blog anyways because he doesn't give himself enough credit because I look forward to his posts. (See? That was ME declaring my love for YOU, Neal.)

Anyhoodles.

So I'm not pregnant which thrills Matt to no end. I'm a baby making machine and I should be rented out because my uterus? Was meant to pump out babies. I'm just saying.

But we do have a new member of the family to introduce you to:

 Meet Batman. Batman is our newest kitty and he has no tail. He was born that way. His mother is a whore and his father is (we suspect) some kind of pimp. Because he gets around. Jackson loved him and calls him Batman and I couldn't leave Batman after I saw how freaking attached Jackson once. Since then we've learned he isn't super nice to the cats so I'm constantly on guard. I think he's just too little to get it. Either that or he is displaying signs of a serial killer.
 But I have failed to introduce you to the cat that replaced Rosie. (And guess what? Olivia tells me almost daily that she misses Rosie and makes me feel like shit. But if we remember correctly- Rosie was spraying, we couldn't afford the spade, and we think she was a wee bit too feral. Plus the fact Matt raped her probably didn't help her out. I think it only made it worse.) Anyways- Stumpy only has a half tail. He is Batman's brother from a different litter. I totally LOVE Stumpy. He's awesome and cuddly. But Batman and Stumpy fight a lot.
 Here's my gang. This showcases their personalities.
 What? You've never seen a cat hump a towel? Lenny, god love him, is weird. He's the first pet Matt and I ever had. We smuggled him illegally in our apartment. He has allergies, low self esteem, and extra toes on both front paws. He also gets weird eye boogers and is turning into a grumpy old man who's anti-social. No- he's social for a bit but then when he's done with you he'll bite. But the kids don't mess with him and he sleeps all day. Except for his bouts out humping. He prefers the green knitted blanket (it's his favorite) but in a pinch he'll settle for anything on the floor.
 Here's Batman being adorable. He eats toilet paper and napkins. On his first night here he bit my nipple so hard I had to wear a Hello Kitty bandaid.
 And Stumpy is my obese pig. He was born in March and he's a fucking cow. He eats like three cups of food a day. My mom has his sister, Bad Ass Betty, and she is TINY compared to this beast. But he's the biggest love bug. He will hop right on your shoulder and demand you love him. Plus he wags his tail like a dog. It's hilarious. He needs to be neutered very soon because his balls are huge and they scare me when it's the first thing I see in the morning.
 While Lenny will show you his mad humping skills. (You see Robert in the background? Robert's foot is almost coming off because the cats take turn eating it. So cruel..) He's neutered so I don't know why he does this.
 But yeah. These are my Thundercats. They are each deformed, they are all crazy, but seriously fun to have around. The kids are happy. Matt isn't happy with all the shitting they do. OH! And Batman and Stumpy? Have gas that will rival Matt any day. Some days I have to ask who did it because it is just THAT BAD.

But we are OFFICIALLY done. No more pets.

(I bet that lady with all the cats on that one Hoarders episode said that very same thing once.)

22 comments:

BeMistified said...

They are all so adorable! Man that one cat really likes towels...

Asha said...

Lenny is just thinking one step ahead. At least he's not leaving feline frappe' all over the place.

Steph said...

My cats love the throw blankets in the family room just like Lenny "loves" those towels! LOL The brown one we have seems to be the favorite. I've already caught them looking just like Lenny with it, and my tubby one pulls it around the house when we aren't looking. My smaller one also likes the one pillow we keep in the family room - he drags that around when he thinks no one is looking (we caught him one time!) - so when we wake up in the morning, we it's always fun to see where they have dragged the blanket and pillow!
http://stephscreativelife.blogspot.com/

Simple Dude said...

Cute pics! @Be yes, i thought the same thing about the cat and the towels.

Hopefully he's not treating the towel the way my cousin's dog seems to like to treat my leg.

SD
http://simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com/

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Lenny and Monte should hang out - then they could be gay and hump each other.

jprp said...

awww! Dude, we are so soul mates - you are aware that i am a crazy cat lady right?!! I'm the sucker that people tell me "If I can't find a home for my cat i'll have to put it down" I have to take said cat, which leaves me with a grand total of..... 7 yup, 7! OMG! and ones pregnant! I swear I spend my entire life changing kitty litter! But cats have such wonderful personalities dont they! youre look like a lot of fun!

AmberLaShell said...

Those are some very cute cats you got there, and they have different enough personalities to keep it funny. great post!

check out my blog @ amberlashell.com

Lost said...

Aww a declaration of love, and I am naked. Isn't that perfect :)

I never knew - you are the crazy cat lady. Are you training them as your minions to do your bidding? Steal cars and break into old ladies homes?

BTW. Lenny - I think I love you.

Canadianbloggergirl said...

Awesome post! I miss my four furry kids so much. Thanks for sharing pics and stories! Keep 'em coming please!

missy said...

Cats are so funny! My parents cat is always humping their broom.

Oh and Stumpy looks just like my cat Peanut when he was a baby!

All of this cuteness makes me want another kitten!!

Ang said...

I LOVE Cats! I want to live with you... well, not really, cause that would be weird, but you know what I mean!

Congrats on winning... I'm off to read the guest post now...

Alpha Za said...

dude, these are awesome! You need to train them how to do the dishes. or at the very least juggle. everyone loves a juggling cat troupe.

Just Plain Tired said...

Congrats on not being pregnant and totally awesome at the same time. ;)

asj said...

wow. humping cat... that sure is special! you should be proud ;)

Oliver has taken up humping as well... he is pretty particular though - his favorites are women with large breasts.... I know?!

Tiffany said...

I use to have my own "rescue" center at home LOL... When I met Scotty I had 15 dogs... and 3 cats... all outside except one cat. I found good homes for them all when I moved. Now I only have one dog, well I guess 2 since I am taking care of Grannys dog now.

Helena said...

Aw, that little guys is cute. You're making me wish I had a cat.

Sandra said...

I need a good home: pick me pick me! I love that you adopt cats! The tailess one is very cute and the towel humping one may need therapy...I'm just sayin'...there are two perfectly good bitches nearby, he should be humping them.

Mama Mary said...

Congrats on getting your card selected and congrats on the new addition to your family! : )

nomadicbark said...

Oh I am super jealous of you! I LOVE LOVE LOVE cats, but I am also deadly allergic to them. I think I love my life more than cats, so I settled for a dog thats of similar size of a cat. haha.

Jean said...

OMgosh, your cats are great! The action/fighting pic is hilarious.

Congrats on your win!!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

You're turning into the cat lady ;)

Oh, My Darling said...

So many adorable cats!!!