Wow- I have been a complete slack as far as watching the news and such. But what I'm going to do here is give my opinion on news stories I know nothing about. And hopefully mis-inform you. Yay.
1. Panic attacks & Miners: So apparently- a bunch of miners in Chile have been stuck in a mine. Which is code for "giant hole in the ground". And I'm sorry but it kind of gives me flashbacks to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Oh how I hope there are 7 of them and that at least one is a dwarf. Please if there is a God that will be the case. Anyways so their dramatic rescue is going to happen soon (apparently) and the big fear? Panic attacks. Obviously. If you saw the picture of the tube they want to haul these people in, one at a time, I would have a panic attack as well. It looks like a busted up rocket from 4H or something. Or a rescued hunk of metal from NASA's junk yard. No spank you. And they are fighting over who goes last and they think it's a question of solidarity. No-- it's called survival of the fittest. What dumb ass wants to willingly volunteer to get in the rescue hoopty FIRST and probably die? After you've been playing your version of Survivor in a cave forever? Um nobody, that's who. They should test it out with a rescue person first.
2. Santa's Retirement: If there is one thing that drives me insane it's the religion fanatics that can't be content with living shitty lives so they try to ruin it for everyone else. Yay for religion if that's your thing but the minute you try to force Santa into retirement? Well then I have an issue. I don't think anyone would be surprised to hear that Catholics in Germany want to "do away with Santa Clause because of the fictional figure's commercial hype and replace him with Saint Nicholas and the selfless giving they say he represents." First off- anyone with kids-- how do you think your kid will react if you're like, "Yah-- Santa isn't coming. Sorry." You'd have a revolt happening. My kids wait for Santa beginning on December 26 and every time something cool comes on tv they whip out their list. I sometimes wonder if people don't realize that Santa isn't real and so because they got screwed on Christmas again, they have to ruin it for everyone else. I get the argument that Christmas is all material stuff but really? That's the job of the parent to explain to kids that it's not about receiving- that giving is good to. But kids five and under?? Don't totally get that. Every year my kids "make" things to give to people they want and sometimes it's something bizarre but boy are they excited for you to open it up. And honestly? Part of the fun (for me) for Christmas IS the shopping. The insanity that is Black Friday, the trying to find deals on things I know people I care about would love. And I guess I have always figured that if you don't agree with something...don't celebrate. Ignore it. Who cares?! I wouldn't be up in arms if everyone at my work was Jewish and we did Hanukkah stuff. Because everyone has their right to believe in whatever. So you don't like Santa? Then don't tell your kids he's coming- tell him Saint Nicholas is coming and be done with it. No need for a movement you crazy people.
3. Sea burial botched. So this guy apparently wanted to buried in the water when he died. So his family tried to do that. Except his body wouldn't sink. That's the basic on this. First off--- who would want a bunch of fish eating your dead body? Because you know that's going to happen. Second off---what kind of person would drive from North Carolina to Florida with a dead body in their car? How would you explain that if you got pulled over? It's like Weekend at Bernie's but not funny.
4. Sister Wives. Have you seen this show on TLC? Because if you haven't you need to. Because this guy? Is the pimp. It takes some serious balls to try to be married to four women. Seriously. Basically Kody is legally married to Meri, but married in some weird religious/non-legally binding to three other women. And there is like 13 kids total. And they all live together. And it's so weird because these women are all "omg--he's so awesome and we love him and yay". Meanwhile, I'm on the couch watching this like I would a car crash. You don't want to stare and hope to see limbs on the road but there you are-- staring. I love how the one woman who is currently pregnant acts like a two year old. She was the third wife married in yet she's literally crying and bitching about wife #4 coming along. What? You don't want your sexy days to be cut from 7 days to 5? OOH... I bet you aren't even having sex. No guy can have sex that much without his balls falling off. And ew-- let me just say- Matt would never even suggest this. Because he wouldn't even survive long enough to spit the second half of his question out. This Kody guy is definitely creeper.
5. And I can't leave without talking about Teen Mom. WTF Amber?? Are you completely psychotic??? First off, she beats Gary up. Now, Gary is a retard. He really is and she really didn't do her kid favors by picking Gary as her dad. Poor Leah will struggle because she has two stupid parents. Anyways- but Gary just took the punches like the good bitch he is. Which is GREAT because Amber is now being investigated for domestic violence/assault & battery, something like that. Which thank GOD because that girl is unfit to be a mom. Did you see how she yanked Leah up by her arms??? You can easily dislocate shoulders that way in little kids. I mean, you just never ever do that. But the real gem? Is the fact Amber picked up a new dude at Wal-mart. Oh high class all the way lady.
And if Farrah doesn't stop crying every 3 minutes I am going to lose it. Like dang-- I know your boyfriend died but pull your shit together. And does anyone else think it's funny she's going to culinary school but can't work the stove??
OK- so what were your favorite news stories this week?