Sunday, November 14, 2010

Burned Out and Sad.

Hey folks- just a ghetto quickie post tonight for you.

I literally JUST got home from a fabulous weekend with Krysten whom I adore even more now. AND I'm going to steal her doggie, Monte. FYI. But more on that tomorrow.

Hopefully.

And I say "hopefully" because tomorrow is going to be really awful for me. You'll remember that last week I talked about Lenny and his urinary blockage? And I talked about on Thursday how we got him home after being in the vet for three days and accumulating a final bill of $1100? Well guess what? Lenny is blocked. Again. Matt called me this morning when I was with Krysten and I just started crying. Matt and I agreed on Thursday that if this were to happen again we'd have to put him down because $1100 is more than we have and frankly? We can't even pay this. And honestly- I thought I'd have more than a few days with him. I assumed a minimum of a few months, lucky if it was a few years. Days? Not so much.

Basically- Matt is bringing him to the vet at 7:30 in the morning tomorrow to have him looked at. He's wimpering kind of and meowing weird, constantly licking himself, etc. Same thing as last week. It doesn't look good and we know this- but I want to have it confirmed before we do anything. If they say what we think they will.... we are going to put him down. I'll drop the kids off at my mom's house and I'll meet Matt at the vet and we'll be with Lenny when he goes.

 Honestly? I'm crying uncontrollably. I'm not sure how schools can prepare vet techs to deal with this type of thing on a normal basis. I've had to put a pet down before, my dog Willie, but I was 15 and even though he was my dog... I wasn't there. I wanted to be but my dad did it when I was at school. (We had Willie cremated and he's in the hutch in my mom's dining room. Morbid... but I still can't part with him.) But this is different because he's my first pet as a grown up. Matt is really upset- I've only seen Matt cry once before so I know that this is just as hard on him. And I'm crying.

So if you don't hear from me tomorrow...you'll know why. But before I sign off for the evening- I want to thank those of you who bought stuff on my Etsy shop to help us out financially, those of you who just sent me money via PayPal, those of you who took the time to leave me a nice comment or email me... thank you. I shared all of them with Matt and we gave Lenny extra love. He thanks you too. But it's hard because I feel like we have failed him even though we've done everything that we could do. Financially.. we can't do anymore. And that really sucks. It sucks that it's come down to money.

But at the end... I know we gave him a happy life. We loved him a lot. We rescued him from a shelter and treated him like a king. I am absolutely heartbroken that tomorrow morning will be the last time I get to hug him and give him kisses. I hope he knows that we love him and this is our way of doing it. I can't listen to him be sad and in pain. It makes me feel ill because I can't do anything for him to make him better. So this evening, I have his favorite green humping blanket and his new food (which was supposed to make his peeing problem all better) under the table where he's currently hiding. We're going to bring him to the vet and pay the $200 (goodbye utility bill) to put him down and hopefully he'll go to Kitty Heaven where he can bite butts and hump blankets pain free.

26 comments:

Ann said...

Oh, Sara, I'm so sorry to hear this. You're in my thoughts...

Jean said...

This is heart-breaking. I will pray for Lenny tonight, pray for a miracle.

kimberrleigh said...

I put my cat down a few months ago. I still cry. But I know I gave her a good life and good memories and I stopped her from suffering and those are the greatest things I possibly did in my life.

Stay strong! I'm praying for you very much. <3

Canadianbloggergirl said...

I'm so sorry! Please give Lenny some love from a Canadian, and my heart goes out to you and your family!

CBG
canadianbloggergirl.blogspot.com

Ruth said...

Oh, that sucks.
But, if you have to have him put to sleep, you are doing the best for him.
So he won't be in pain.
It takes a lot of strength to put a pet to sleep.
Take care of you.

Anna said...

I'm so, so sorry Sara =( It does suck that it has to come down to money - especially in this case since it seems they didn't actually get him fixed up in the first place.

I'm SURE Lenny knows you guys love him and have done everything you can for him. Give him lots of hugs and kisses. Sending thoughts and prayers your way <3

Shirley said...

I'm so sorry. This just sucks.

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Yep, blinking tears out of my eyes right now.

Sara if you need to talk you have my number. I am so so so so so sorry you have to go through this.

AmberLaShell said...

Losing a pet is always hard, and I know how helpless you must be feeling, i'm sure lenny loves the great life you gave him, and hopefully he gets to hump anything he wants to in heaven...

Mom Taxi Julie said...

:( Totally sucks :(

BeMistified said...

Sara I am so sorry :( My eyes were watering just reading your post. :( Y'all and Lenny are in my thoughts.

Odie Langley said...

Sara there just aren't words enough to say how sorry I am for you and Matt to be going through this. I do know how you feel as i explained before about our situation with our Rocky but he did make it. You do what you have to do even though it hurts. Please feel compassion and love for you and your family including Lenny from here in NC.
Odie

Ang said...

Nothing can be said to you to make this easier or make you feel better... just know you have a world of people thinking about you today and many having been through this themselves... we can relate. You're in my thoughts today, Sara!

The Favour Shoppe said...

I am so sorry :( {{big hugs from Canada}}

Annah said...

My love I'm so sorry.

This time though I think you're making the right decision. I truly wish you and your family the best in these tough times and at least know that you tried. *much love and kisses*

thotlady said...

I can't even express how sorry I am for all of you.

I can't.

Another David said...

OK, obviously I have A LOT of catching up to do, so get ready for tons of comments in the next 60 minutes or so...

I'm sorry to hear about your kitteh. I once lost a puppy in a lightly more traumatic fashion, so I know where you're coming from. But death is a part of life, just one of the parts we don't like. He was a cute kitteh, and you're right: in the end, you know you did the best for him that you have possibly done.

lifeofadoctorswife said...

I am so sorry to hear about your poor kitty. I am praying that the news is not as bad as you are anticipating and that you'll have many more months and years with your beloved pet.

Just Plain Tired said...

I'm sorry, that's all I've got. :(

poet said...

i expect that you are at the Vet's with Lenny now. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Lenny is so loved by you both, and I just hope that he is pulling thru this.

but if he is not, and if he has gone now, then you have done the best you could by this little soul. some cats just never get over having blockages, and they are so painful for them.

Lenny, if you have crossed to Rainbow Bridge now, you are a lucky boy. you are in good health and your mommy and daddy are broken hearted, but they did the best by you. and you will always love them, as they always will love you.

poet. **gentle hugs**

Danielle said...

This is just so sad, Sara. I can't even take it. Animals become a part of anyone's family and for those of us who have had them, we all know how it feels to lose them. They are like our children, our sister, our brother, whatever role they are, it's a part of the family and it's just awful to lose them. I'm praying for you today that you have strength and courage to stand behind your decision. You're a great person, Sara and I'm sure that Lenny knows how lucky he is. I'm also sure that he'll know you're only going to do what's best for him. You can't bear to see him suffer anymore, I can't even bear it and I'll do is read about it. Stay strong love!!! I'm thinking of you! xoxo

Me, myself and I said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is hard to put a pet down, you are doing the right thing. You will be in my thoughts!
Hugs!
Jess

Amber said...

My heart is breaking in two, Sara. I am crying enough for the whole lot of us here on Blogger.

I have my fingers crossed for him, but am still so sad for you, the kids and of course Sweet Lenny.

Helena said...

Oh Sarah, I am so sorry. I'm crying right now. I don't know what to say.

Signe said...

That is just horrible that he got worse after just a few days, such a sad story! And he really is an adorable cat!

Hugs,
Signe

Typical Suburban Family said...

I just read your comment on my blog and had to read your story. I have been crying for a week now over all of this with our Milo. It's horrible. My husband was the strong and sensible one through all of this until Monday when we actually had to go through with it and put him down. Then he cried. And he cried several more times throughout the day. And again today. It's been horrible. My thoughts go out to you as I know you went through this not long ago :-(