I've gotten two blog awards recently and I'm SORRY I've forgotten to post them. Whoopsy shit.
The first one is from Jess and she gave me this one:Neal at You Know What Really Grinds My Gears. Not just because he's one of my blog besties, or because he keeps me entertained with his emails, or because he's adorable as hell (and these are all fine reasons) but because he really is hilarious. His blog brightens my morning when I see a post in my Google Reader because not only will I laugh but I will agree, most of the time. So Neal- cheers to you lover.
Then Aimee gave me the Honest Scrap award. Which is fitting because I tend to be a little bit too honest sometimes.
1. I have a desire to wear a short skirt and really tall boots. I don't know why and it doesn't really seem like a sexual thing. Just something I want to do.
2. If I could afford to do it- I would have liposuction or whatever to get rid of the little pouch between my va-jay-jay and belly button. I've had that weird thing my whole life and no matter what I do it never goes away. It's annoying. So if I could..... I would have surgery to fix that. Even though I've seen surgery shows and the post op stuff is fucking disgusting. Like I'd have to make someone else clean the stitches or whatever because no fucking way could I do it.
3. Which brings me to the fact I can't handle blood, puke, or shit. Pee... not a problem. Unless it's a really large amount of pee where I can smell the pee... then it's a problem. The others... ew. I can't handle it. Not if it's mine, not if it's my kids, nothing. If I see it, you'll find me gagging and more likely, puking nearby.
4. Which brings me to the fact I have a terrible gag reflex. I once gagged sucking out of a straw. True story. Totally embarrassing. I can make my gag reflex start without having anything in my mouth. Just the thought having something in my mouth will make me gag.
5. I'm a pussy when it comes to scary movies. Folks- I couldn't even watch Scream (the first one) because I was TERRIFIED. And I tried HARD because I was absolutely in love with Skeet Ulrich. I think it's maybe because one of my fears is to be abducted in the dark and then butchered, so watching that actually happen on TV or in a movie is not really a good time for me. But I was scared during Harry Potter #5 and #6 so you can just make fun of me now. It's ok- I can take it.
6. Since I am scared of the dark, if I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee- I'm ok getting to the bathroom. It's the coming back to bed that freaks me out. So what I'll do is that once I get to my living room, I run really fucking fast through there, into my room, and make an Olympic style jump over my linen chest onto my bed. Why? Because I watched a show once where a killer hid under the bed and grabbed someones ankles. My friend did that to me once and I literally pissed myself. DON'T EVER DO THAT TO ME. So I invariably wake Matt up once I jump onto the bed. And the poor cats now get off the bed once they see me coming.
7. Christmas is the only holiday I get excited for (except for my birthday... obviously). I have a ridiculous amount of decorations and I wait the ENTIRE year to buy more. I have spent the entire weekend putting decorations up, then changing where I had them, etc just because it's fun.
8. But that brings me to what Matt considers to be an unhealthy obsession with snowmen. To which I say- fuck you. Snowmen are adorable and I love them all. Who doesn't love fat men with scarves? Huh? Losers, that's who. But in recent years I've been banned from buying snowmen stuff and was only allowed to buy Santa. Well Santa is overloading my house- so I'm going back to snowmen. Mostly because Pier One will put their stuff on sale soon and I'm hoping to score the topsy turvy green snowman. (For the record- he'd match my topsy turvy Santa so that will be my bargaining chip.)
9. I am appalled to hear how many people have NOT gone to a sex toy party. This came up at our last blogger get together and again FOUR other times I've gotten together with people. Personally, this is a travesty. I think everyone should attend one at least once to be in awe at the awesome. When we host the next get together up north- that's what we're doing. And you're all invited. I'm serious. I can't let you go on being lambwhores and goatsluts without being educated. Vibrators and cock rings are you friends.
10. Hmmm... what can I end this list with???? Um... oh- I got my period at age 12. There. That's personal, right? Personal and gross. So there you go.
So yeah- I'm not posting tomorrow night because we're putting up our tree and rearranging furniture and yeah. I'll be tired. Maybe more tired than I am tonight. We had Thanksgiving Round 2 at my in laws tonight and so we've only been home for maybe 30 minutes. The kids are already in bed, I fell asleep on the way home AND I still feel like crap. Oh- here's some fun news. So you know how I'm in major debt to the vet for Lenny? Well Matt just informed me he needs to make repairs to his Jeep. Great. I'll just pull that out of the asshole that dispenses money that I haven't found yet. *sigh*