Holy shit lambies.... THIS RIGHT HERE...... is my 500th post. Can you believe that? I certainly can't.
And I have nothing.
Well.... that's not true. I have a lot of stuff going through my head so let's recap it because I'm going to explode with stuff going through...
1. My real dad may or may not be dying. And while some of you gasp and think "poor Sara.." part of me just doesn't care. It's not that I don't care it's that I don't know why I should. Granted... he's my biological dad but when I think about it-- he's never done anything for me. If anything, he's hindered me in life. I have no relationship with him and I think a lot of the issues I've dealt with are directly related to him. I can at least say that I tried to understand..but I can't. He contacted me almost 3 years ago, I was pregnant with Jackson. And he was clearly calling me from a bar drunk. And that was my first contact with him since I was 7. So 18 years goes by and you don't even try to find out how your kids are doing? He sent me a bunch of photo albums, which I copied and mailed back. He sent me rambling letters that told me he loved me and my brother but then blamed my mom for his shortcomings. Which is the wrong thing to say to me. I wrote him a letter saying he had no right to say a bad thing about my mom because in ALL these years she's never said one bad thing about him. And she had more than her share of bad experiences and could have bad mouthed him every day and never have a repeat story. But she didn't. So after that... I never heard from him again. Fast forward to now and he may or may not have lung and/or brain cancer. We don't really know and I don't know if I can believe what I'm told. But part of me is scared shitless because I've always joked about brain tumors and now knowing I could actually die of that... is not cool. It's like I'm kind of psychic. Only with death. Which isn't a fun psychic thing really.
2. Matt still says no on the goats. I think we need to start a "Adopt a Goat 2011" campaign. I even tried the "it'll eat our grass" thing and he said no. Asshole dream killer.
3. My email inbox is FULL of people having a life crisis. I am not even kidding. 27 emails from people needing advice. I'm mentally worn out and even more depressed after getting through them all and replying. But it's ok because that's what I'm here for. I'm a great advice giver so you know- I'm here for you homies.
4. Hi- I don't have my Christmas cards done yet. And I'm only slightly pissed that I have YET TO RECEIVE any in the mail. Listen here America- don't be lazy asses and not mail cards. Jesus. And you can't even use the "I don't have any cards" excuse because you can buy them. From my shop. Go there NOW. I want you to know Matt and I ate a hotdog bun each for dinner the other night to cut back on groceries. Honestly- I just can't cut anymore. Nobody should have to eat a peanut butter & jelly out of a hotdog bun. It's not right. (The kids had chicken & rice, FYI.) But I'm working on my cards. *sigh*
5. I've not gotten on the fuckmill in WEEKS. Sads. I need to start though because while I'm not gaining anything back you know it's only a matter of time.
6. I have a Self Esteem Saturday post coming up soon. Like the 18th soon. I'll post a link when it's time. Maybe. I'm trying to take pictures that don't look like porn. REALLY hard. Let that be your hint.
OK- so that's some of what's jumbling through my brain. I'm tired and going to bed. Huzzah!