Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Book Reviews. Again. Learn to read, America!

It's time for me to just get my butt in gear and post some reviews of books before I read them and then feel guilty for doing you sucha disservice.

Let's do this shiz.

Linger (Wolves of Mercy Falls, Book 2)
This is the story of Sam and Grace. Sam, a boy who used to be a werewolf but now has apparently been cured. Grace, a girl who was bitten by wolves but ultimately didn't turn into a wolf but was in love with the wolves. Specifically Sam. This is book two of the Wolves of Mercy Falls series and just like I did with Shiver, I read this book very fast. Like in 4 hours and 20 minutes. It would have been faster had I not had to pee, cook, and then eat. Trust me- if these were things I could put off I would have. Anyways. I can't really talk about this book too much without giving key parts away. But I can tell you that just like with Shiver, I cried like a baby at the end. I am demanding a specific ending and I sincerely hope the author complies. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't but I won't be happy. And Matt can attest to what unhappy Sara is like.

But it does bring new wolves into the story and they each have an interesting character line to keep the book moving. And the thing about this series is that despite faults, and maybe because of them, I really like all of the characters. I can't think of a character I don't like. The author does such a good job weaving a story in and out of different view points that just keep you reading. And I have to say- the love story between Sam and Grace is just.....*sigh*. It's that good. Like I have no words. It's good. I highly recommend this book. But read Shiver first. Trust me. 5 out of 5 DEFINITELY.

Walk Like You Have Somewhere To Go
Now this is a book I got through Book Sneeze to review way back in March. I'm a fast reader and I read a lot, but this book was so awkward and unfun that it has taken me that long to read it. I kept passing it up until a week ago when I was like- dang. I just have to finish it. So I did. And I thought it was lame.

It's the story of Lucille, who is Shaq's mom, and her growing up and what it was like being a single mom. And I get that the theme of Book Sneeze is apparently all Jesus based, which makes me wonder how I even got started, but this one was kind of over the top. Her parents were really strict and honestly, I would say abusive. But she just talks it off like it's no big. And that really irritates me because that kind of behavior isn't ok. Anyways. Although I didn't really enjoy the memoir myself- it would be very good for someone who fits the stereotypical un-wed, uneducated mother. While it's obviously worked out for her that isn't the case for everyone. And I guess when I read the book it made me feel like she was saying, "Hey- it's ok to have babies on your own with no education! You just pray real hard and everything will be great." And really? That's not a plan. That's a hope. I had a hard time identifying with this story but then again, I've never been in that situation. So I guess if I have to give it a 1-5 rating (5 being the best) I'd say 1. Only because I just couldn't stay engaged at all.

Tempt Me If You Can
I can't remember if I've reviewed it but I think I haven't because it's not on my "finished" list. But this is a cheesy romance novel so you know- if you hate those, skip this review. The only thing I will say- little to no sex. I can't even remember if there was sex. And frankly? If you are going to write a romance- I expect some sex in there. THAT is the point, right? At least for me it is.

But this is the store of Ben and Emma. Emma is raising her long lost sister's son as her own, and Ben is really the dad but Ben didn't know that until a mysterious letter came, blah blah blah. And then Ben comes and just like a loser creeper thinks he can be hero of the day, super dad, AND be in love with Emma. You know how this goes. But then there's trouble (oh dang, yall!) and then yeah. Everybody lives happily ever after.

Quick read, very little brains are required. I'd give it a 2 out of 5.

Under the Duvet: Shoes, Reviews, Having the Blues, Builders, Babies, Families and Other Calamities
Well I have never read anything by Marian Keyes before and this was a good starter book. It's a collection of short personal essays, some previously unpublished, that are all witty and fun. This is actually a pretty fun book to tote in your purse or next to your bed because you can read one or two stories quickly while waiting and stuff. What I enjoyed about the book were all the fun titles of the stories. Examples include, "The Pissed Is a Foreign Country, They Do Things Differently There". I mean, really. How many times have I said that people who are pissed off are totally irrational and you just are better off backing away from them. You can't negotiate or reason with angry. Or my other favorite, "Catholicism: Cheaper Than Prozac, but Is It Good for You?" AGREED.

Marian comes off as someone who would be a really fun girls night out buddy who would come in with a smart ass quip right when you need her to. I'd give this a 4 out of 5.

Ok- so I'm caught up on that. :) YAY! I'm reading a few things right now and I have TLC Book Tour reviews coming up (one each month through..December I think) so stay tuned. But right now I'm almost done with Jen Lancaster's My Fair Lazy and I cannot wait to review that for you.

What are YOU reading?

Monday, August 30, 2010

Ranting. Just because I can.

So I have all kinds of things bumping around in my head so instead of making a bunch of posts- let's just roll them together.

1. Go here and join in on a giveaway I'm running on Oh, My Darlings. Go there and rant and rave about how awesome I am.

2. I have decided that I could be the next Chelsea Handler. I was having a conversation with someone today and I had this person ROLLING and out of nowhere, she's like, "God dammit- you could be Chelsea Handler. You should be interviewing people." I should. I would be good at this. And then I realize I'd have to lose a ton more weight. Ugh. And that sounds shitty. So consider me the next Chelsea Handler, but fat.

3. Random issue- all my Facebook messages are gone? Like all of the new AND the ones I've saved-- all gone. It's kind of a problem because yeah...I had appointments and stuff that I saved. And yeah- all gone. So I'm more than a little frustrated over that.

4. So speaking of #2 I was watching clips of Chelsea Lately on You Tube and then I remember this clip of Kathy Griffin on there (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0S8c5IVCL4&feature=related) (because Blogger isn't letting me embed it.). And towards the ends she's talking about how she isn't going to tone it down because it might offende people. And it just kind of summed up how I have been feeling the last two weeks.

5. My neighbors across the street have been doing home improvement stuff. Their house was gray and now...it's cotton candy blue. Seriously. It's so heinous I can't even stand to look at it. And now that I realize that the jacked up boat, half falling apart trailer, AND motorcycle all belong to them- all three of which hog the street thus preventing me to park in front of my house when I pay $1700 a year in property taxes, I am livid. AND they have this stupid fucking construction trailer parked on the street (on the wrong side obviously) and it's just pissing me off.

6. My other neighbors, who are new since December are like MIA. The girls are gone but I see the guy there a lot. Well not really the guy but from the window in my stairwell I can see their tv and he's really been enjoying the Girls Gone Wild videos. Matt and I sat on the stairs laughing. Thankfully, we can't see what he's doing on the couch and that's probably best for all involved.

7. Matt and I got to spend Saturday together, without kids. Which was really nice but completely retarded because we couldn't think of anything to do. I had several people tell me just to have sex...but the construction across the street was like too distracting. So we ended up going to lunch and then we went to Best Buy to price out cameras and I suckered him into buying me a cd. Successful date. More so than when we were actually dating so I think that's an improvement.

8. Stumpy, our new cat, is getting on my nerves. He likes to be next to me at all times. So if I sit anywhere he'll fall asleep on or right next to me. Which yay..but it's getting old. At night he is constantly on me. He wants to snuggle and frankly- I'd rather sleep. But the other thing is that he has gas. My little cat farts and you can hear it. I don't know if it's just how he is or if it's his food but he farts and it smells. But today he was doing his thing in the litter box which is fine, but it smelled AWFUL. Turns out Jackson gave him some Pop-tart which isn't good for kitty digestive systems and sure enough- obvious pop tart remains in the box. But Olivia comes to me and is like, "MOM! I can smell Stumpy's butt in the dining room. I can't eat like this." True story. So we ended up eating in my bed watching Yo Gabba Gabba.

9. I have book reviews coming up tomorrow. Some super good books and one really shitty one. Stay tuned for that homie g's.

10. I need new music. I need stuff that I can rock out to so I need suggestions. Leave me a comment to tell me what's new and awesome. I just got Florence and the Machine and love it long time. If I were single I'd probably sleep with it in my bed.

11. True Blood finale coming soon. I'm in AGONY thinking that it's going to be over until June. Seriously thinking about it is making me lose my breath.

12. The third book in Maggie Stiefvater's wolf series better come soon. I'm going to review Linger tomorrow but I'm telling you- just like I did at the end of Shiver I balled. I balled HARD. I can't stop thinking about the book long after I finished it (in exactly 4 hours and 20 minutes, thank you) and I am hoping for a good ending.

13. Thinking about Vegas in May. I hope we can do it. I'll even open it up as a blog get together. :)

Friday, August 27, 2010

Domestic Bitch Friday + Swollen Ear = Fabulously Weird Friday.

Before I get into Domestic Bitch Friday- here's something fun from today. So I took the kids to Michaels because I needed a few essentials and they wanted some more construction paper. As I'm walking out I was looking at Jackson, who's sitting all happy in the front of my cart, and I'm thinking, "Damn- I didn't realize Jack had such big ears." But then I realized that there was something very wrong with his ear. He's his normal ear:
And here's what he had on the other ear:

Like DANG. It's super red, swollen and warm. So weird. He's not allergic to anything (that I know of) and he hadn't eaten anything recent. So I'm thinking it's maybe a bug bite or something? But he never complained and I didn't see any bugs. I don't know. So that was at 11:30 this morning and 7 hours later it's still the same. SO, I gave him some Benedryl and we'll see what it looks like in the morning. But it does look a bit ridiculous.

OK. So let's get on with DBF.

I've professed my love for Finny many times. She makes me not want to be such a baby about fruits and vegetables. Which will probably never happen but I feel such shame that she's growing all these fabulous things and I'm trying very hard to choke down one bite of peas like I'm a god damn toddler or something. I mean, really. It's embarrassing. So like WEEKS ago Finny sent me apricot jam. I thought it was going to be a war all up in here because Gini (and I love Gini loads-- I just couldn't be forced to choose) sent me apricot jam because I mentioned at how much I like apricot jam but ONLY on English muffins. It's weird and doesn't make sense, but welcome to my world. Anyways. So I used up all of Gini's jam on my muffins but BAM! Finny sends me jam. And at this point, muffins were no longer on sale and I figured I can't let it go to waste. I mean, Finny would be sad and I can't make my beloved Finny sad. So god dammit I was on the search for a recipe that used apricot jam that I wouldn't immediately hate.
 See Finny?? I love the jam. And I think it loves me.

And I totally did. Apricot Chicken kind of looks like vomit, tastes good, and is super easy to make. All you need are chicken boobies (I cut mine up into cubes because again, I'm a toddler like that), 1/2 cup of apricot jam (you'll wish Finny was YOUR friend),  1 tbsp of cornstarch, 2 tbsp of soy sauce, and a pinch of salt. Mix it all together- put in a casserole dish. And then I added a handful or two of frozen veggies so I didn't have to get a separate pan out for those. Bake it all together until the chicken is done (about 30-40 minutes) and serve it on rice.
It was really good. Like really super good. So good I actually ate it.

But WAIT, Finny!! (This is where I hope to do her proud) I made homemade blueberry muffins. I had to use actual flour and such but it wasn't a packet!! AND.... (hold your melons, Finny) I used REAL blueberries. Straight from a garden.

Let's all just take a moment to digest the hugeness of this.

See???? They look like rabbit poo but it's really blueberries. For real ones! Not the ones that puff up when you put them in stuff!!
AND (seriously- if you are risk for heart failure..please stop reading) I made cinnamon crumble stuff that goes on top. Now...I obviously didn't eat them because the fact I did the apricot chicken on the same week as the muffins was pretty big. I'm not THAT crazy. But my husband ate them and said they were the BEST blueberry muffins he had ever had. And he was telling me the truth because if something sucks or tastes like ass he lets me know. AND his co-workers loved them. It's just all major up in here.

OK- so my projects...I've been busy. Seriously, yo. I have gotten so many packages out in the mail it's insane. But this week I focused on Etsy shop stuff (seriously- buy my stuff so I can afford to buy more flour for muffins), Olivia's birthday party invitations, and a shadow box that's been sitting on my desk for oh...two years now. :)
This is the front of Olivia's invitation. She's turning five (obviously) and so we're doing an art themed party for her. We're going bright colors, tons of balloons and crafty stuff. It should be really fun. But I always put the party invitations in clear envelopes because it's just really fun to get that in the mail. And instead of doing a card that opens- it's just one you flip over.
Obviously...I whited out the important info. :) But with my Cricut machine I made the big "5" confetti because it's kind of cool. That and I screwed up and ended up with extra 5's and I figured I could do that instead of throwing them away. But she's excited and she loves her invites. Mission accomplished.

The other project is one I did for Olivia's first baby shoes that I wanted to do for Jackson. I'm all about even so I bought everything I needed to display Jackson's first shoes. And then it sat on my desk for two years. But I finished it just this afternoon.
It's not a great picture- but aren't these cute? Each box has a pattern paper on the back "wall" and I used rub ons to put their names and their birth year on the wall. I used regular glue to adhere the shoes. Then I used rub ons to put "first shoes" on the glass of the box (on the outside) because it adds dimension. And I obviously painted the box. BUT because I like distressed stuff I purposely put some paint on the glass so it looks messed up on purpose. I think it's kind of cool. For those of you who want to try this- be aware that some shoes are not going to fit the box. These boxes are under $3 at Michaels but Olivia's red shoes barely fit in there. But if you have booties or something those would work really well.

On to the..... Freebies!:

Organic Samples
FasTab Hanging Folders
Men's Degree Deodorant
Free Music from Spin (there is also a link to get the free August music downloads on this page too!)
Breathe Right Strips
Kellogg's All Bran Cereal Pack
Cold Stone Creamery- AWESOME coupon

Have a great night!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Let us be clear.

There has been quite the discussion about my post in regards to the ten year high school reunion. And before I get into it all let's just be clear. I believe that everyone has their own opinion which is why I have posted every comment that came through. Although I might not totally agree it doesn't matter because it's your own opinion and I respect that you expressed it. To me. And I'm just going to do this list style because that's how I roll and it's my blog. :)

1. I have gotten over 15 messages on Facebook in regards to some people's comments on someone else's Facebook wall. No, I didn't see them and I don't care. If a person was offended or if they were wondering if something in my post was about them they should contact me directly. Some of them did and I answered them all honestly.

2. I apologize if you some of you took something to heart that wasn't even about you. I didn't list names for a reason but the consequence of that is that everybody inevitably believes it's about them. And it isn't.

3. If you read the post I wrote you will find no where in there that I had a horrible time and hated every single second of it. While I mentioned that there were definite low points and some improvements that should be made for the next one, I did enjoy meeting up with and talking to the people that I did talk to. If I have a problem with somebody I will let them know. With that being said, there were definitely people from our class I had no interest in socializing with because I don't like them. AND THAT'S OK. It doesn't make me a horrible person, it just means I'm not going to waste my time or theirs by being fakey nice to them. I can't be responsible for how other people interpret what they read. People will read things and take what they want from it and that's not my fault.

4. I am truly glad that lots of people had a good time. I'm going to just reiterate that nowhere in my original post does it say I hated every minute of it. In my opinion, it could have been better but it wasn't and so there you go. I am really glad that the people who had huge groups of friends got to see them all again. I got to see the people I wanted to that I knew were coming so my goal in attending was accomplished. I don't really know what anybody else would want out of a reunion?? I had fun with all of the girls I chatted it up with, I've got a bunch of lunch and dinner dates lined up with old friends and everything that I thought I'd get out of it, I did. So despite the weird moments, the unfortunate reality that some people don't change, and missing a few people I wish had come- it was fine. I'm sure it's exactly how every other ten year reunion would go. And honestly- I put the ten year reunion on my 30/30 list because I knew that my first instinct would be to not go because it wasn't exactly the best four years of my life. I put it on there because the whole point of my 30/30 list is for me to do things that would require me to get out of my comfort zone. I'm not always going to like it but the goal is to prove to myself that I can do these things. And honestly? I struggled. I sat in my vehicle giving myself a pep talk to even walk in there. So the fact that I went both nights and I got through it in one piece thrills me to no end. Officially crossed off the list. :)

5. If I talked to you either on Friday or Saturday night it's because I happen to like you as a person. I have never been the person to be fakey nice to your face and then turn around and talk badly about you. And if some of the people who've done that very same thing to me knew that about me, maybe you'd feel differently. I'm sad that some people felt like I wasn't genuine or real with them because every one of my friends knows that's what I am all of the time.

So yeah. As far as I'm concerned- it's done. The reunion is done, the planners can take a vacation from working on details, the rest of us can go back to our families and the lives we've established since graduation. There are enough things to worry about in our own lives than what some random person writes on a blog.

Anyways. All done with that. Updates- so Domestic Bitch Friday is back, so expect another post on that tomorrow. :) This weekend there is a possibility that I will have no kids all day on Saturday. Matt and I have no idea what we are going to do but if it includes taking a nap I'm down with that. I have Olivia's birthday party invitations done and in the mail. I'll post what they look like on tomorrow's post probably. I'm going to be featured on a blog next week- and when I know the details I will let you know. :) But for now, I'm going to get ready to see Dinner for Schmucks with my sister-in-law Kate because she's awesome and it's been too long since our last movie date. Have a fabulous night lovers. :)

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Senior Year

So we've seen my elementary school pictures, we've gone down some school memories, we've recapped my ten year high school reunion. What I didn't include were my senior graduation pictures or other memories that are by far the standout memories from high school for me.

Here's the picture of me in my senior yearbook--- Sara circa 1999. Graduating class of 2000 from Superior Senior High School.
Fun fact. This was taken on the second day of school. On the first day of my senior year I had gone to school with hair to the middle of my back. After school I was going to get my hair trimmed for my grad pictures and the lady said I should cut it all off. I figured why not- and bam. I got a pixie cut that I loved. I got a few highlights and I was set. The stylist next to us was hyperventilating when she saw all of my hair on the ground. Then I went to school the next day and nobody recognized me.

But in my senior year my best friend was Amanda. Amanda and I had been friends since tenth grade and we bonded over the fact that we had crushes on guys who didn't notice us. And we desperately wanted to go to a formal dance. Her crush was nicknamed "Turtle" and mine was nicknamed "Ernie". Now, Turtle has turned out to be a complete fucking pervert who I've had to deal with on Facebook--you'll remember from the reunion recap that he's the creeper with the wife. I actually talked to my crush at the reunion and figured I would fess up. So John- FYI-- your nickname was Ernie. Sorry. There's no rhyme or reason to it, it was the first thing I could think of when we decided it would be smarter to use code names. But John is getting married to a friend I had when I went to elementary school in another town. Totally small world. Anyways...

.. so when we didn't have dates to the formal dances we would take turns doing sleep overs. Winter dance was at her house and prom was at my house. We would pig the fuck out on junk food, watch sad movies, make up dances to disco music and talk about how gross sex was going to be. We've obviously changed our mind on the last one but still. So the picture on yesterday's post of us eating cake was totally fitting because when I think of Amanda I think of our high school crushes and eating junk food.

I remember I died the day Amanda told me that John had gotten a job at Taco Bell where she worked. I was so fucking jealous but knew that I couldn't drive all the way to east end for a lame ass 10 hours a week. No way would I have enough gas money. But Amanda would call me from work to tell me anything John said. LOL. But I remembered ONCE he talked to me on the phone. I can't remember if I peed myself of not but I do remember being ridiculously excited. He asked me if I would be interested in going to this party out in the country and there was going to be a hot tub. I totally said I was busy because I'm a fucking retard and that was it- he never talked to me on the phone again. I was devastated. And he never said a word to me at school so then I thought maybe he didn't actually know who I was which is beyond embarrassing. But let me tell you- the night I lost my virginity the first thought in my head was that I could have lost it a year earlier in a hot tub with my crush. Fucking fail on my part.

But another memory from high school that I will never forget- the boy who couldn't read. OK. So his name was Jeff and me, Kate, Lindsay, and Renee all sat next to each other in 11th grade English. Jeff was a jock and he would make fun of pretty much everyone in the class. No matter what you did- Jeff would make fun of you in front of everyone. Well one day the teacher had us read parts of The Crucible out loud in a round robin way. You know what I'm talking about. Well...when it came to Jeff he stumbled. He could read...he just couldn't read out loud very well. And the four of us girls sat stunned on the other end of the classroom. FINALLY this asshole is going to get laughed at. But nobody laughed. Fast forward to the end of the year. We had to break off into groups and come up with a campaign to make English better the next year. We had to come up with a slogan/catch phrase and do a presentation. Our slogan? "Hey Kids! Learn to Read!" We made a poster and entire campaign on the importance of learning how to read and read out loud. Jeff? Looked like he was going to die of embarrassment and piss his pants right there. Serves you right asshole. It was the best "fuck you" I think I ever did in high school. He showed up to the reunion and Renee RIGHT AWAY remembered our campaign. He probably can't read still but he figured out how to bedazzle the back of his shirt. Oy vey.

What else... oh. Senior year- I was in FBLA. We won a spot on the state competition and all went to Green Bay. I was supposed to compete as a delegate. But guess who had an extreme urinary tract infection AND food poisoning? This chick. Guess who got to puke non stop for 3 days with Mrs. Hubbard sitting in my room to make sure I didn't die while we watched "Walker: Texas Ranger" and read Cosmopolitan? This chick. That trip was awful. Seriously awful.


Things I was into when I was in high school: Billabong and pretty much anything from Pacific Sunwear. I always rocked my VANS sneakers or my Adidas shell tops. I had every color except for yellow because yellow is for pussies. I wore jeans pretty much every day with a skater tshirt and a gray zip up hoodie sweatshirt. I had a necklace that had two guitar picks on it from a boy I met online who was cool as hell- his name was Brandon. He made me mix tapes that were so good I'd cry listening to them. I had Marilyn Manson posters on my wall. I had a green Jansport backpack that had things pinned to it all over: buttons, two plastic rabbit stretchy things, ribbons, guitar picks, bottle caps, etc. Anything I could get a safety pin through it was on there. I was really into the Smashing Pumpkins, anything punk or heavy metal, Elastica, etc. In my senior year I was engaged to JR and thought I had my whole life figured out. Obviously that didn't work out and I'll talk about my time capsule and JR tomorrow.

So. What were you like in your senior year of high school? What was your favorite memory?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

10 Year Reunion: The Recap

Before I get into my post I have a few housekeeping things to deal with before I forget them. The winner of the giveaway for the book The Life You've Imagined is SUSAN! Susan, I have your email and I will contact you this evening for your mailing address.

Number two- I am doing this backwards because if I get one more email asking how my reunion went I may go homicidal and nobody needs or wants that. SO that means my grad pictures AND more high school memories post is tomorrow. Just hold your fucking horses, yall.

So. Let's get to the recap. As most of you know I have a 30/30 list in which I've compiled some things that I am determined to do before I turn 30. I'm pretty much freaking out at this point but I'm going to just focus on one item at a time. On that list was attending my ten year high school reunion. And I didn't put it on there for any dramatic reason like I've beaten cancer, saved a million puppies, or have lost 400 pounds since then, but because I really hated high school. Every school has it's groups and once you get in a group you're stuck there. BUT.... if you didn't grow up in Superior it's almost impossible to make die hard friends. You are automatically labeled and it's just really hard. And I moved here in 8th grade so that makes it a lot harder since that's the age when things get awful for most kids.

Anyways. So I haven't really kept in touch with anyone from high school. Not because I didn't want to but because nobody really cared. And I don't say that to be all emo but because it's just the way it is. I've made other friends and moved on. Now since Facebook has come along it's changed things a bit and people are at least fakey nice to you.

OK- so my reunion was Friday and Saturday. I was only planning on going Friday night but got sucked into going Saturday because my friend from high school, Amanda, asked me to. And because I'm a good friend who can fall for a guilt trip I agreed.

So here is Amanda and I eating cake on Saturday. I thought this was such a fucking lame picture idea but then when I got to thinking about it- it's totally fitting for us. And I'll tell you why on tomorrow's post.

But Friday night it was at a pizza place and I'm going to go on a limb and say about 75% of people were completely trashed by 9pm.

Some of these people were drinkity drinking. I? Am completely sober. I should have been sober cab but it probably worked out better to not be. Here's the fun stuff though:

1. Nobody has changed. If they were straight up bitchy in high school, they still were. If they were socially awkward- they represented themselves as socially awkward still. If they were too stoned to remember high school they did well by covering that up and pretended to know who people were.
2. Dear ladies- there comes a point in your life where you have to stop dressing like you are 21. You aren't. You are 28 and let's be real--- it looks a little pathetic to be trying so hard. If dressing and acting this part hasn't landed you a husband yet it's probably time to switch tactics.
3. I got my ass rubbed and grabbed (separate occasions) on Friday. Saturday I got one rub and I'm pretty sure two grabs. Friday night also garnered me an "accidental" boob rub. Except it was open palm so I'm pretty sure that's not an accident.
4. I got to catch up with my high school crush. *sigh* He's still super cute and I am pretty much kicking myself in the ass for never asking him out. I should have and I didn't because I was a loser. But he pretty much told me he would have gone for it.
5. I had three guys tell me they had crushes on me in high school, one guy tell me I looked "really fucking good" and one guy told me my "eyes were dangerous". Seriously.
6. One girl who I know I didn't graduate with but was at our reunion told me I was super hot and asked if I would be into a threesome. I'm not sure who she was dating/married to but it didn't matter because I don't know if she was serious. I'm hoping she wasn't because that's just totally weird and random but she was super drunk. So who knows.
7. I was on a roll on Friday. I got two tables laughing with my running commentary on the activities. Examples: I'm pretty sure one classmate married a chick who has down syndrome- nobody was able to confirm or deny this, one of the popular girls who was as bitchy as can be gained a lot of weight. Some people said she's going through a divorce and my answer to that is Chips Ahoy isn't going to make it better. It's probably petty to feel like even the popular girls couldn't stay skinny.
8.It was determined that one guy who regularly chats on FB with me is a confirmed creeper. He's not just a fucktard pervert to me- he does it to almost everyone. You have no idea how badly I wanted to say something to him in front of his wife. Two other FB weirdos stared at me. They wouldn't come talk to me but they just stared. I tried to avoid eye contact but people at my table kept reporting that indeed- they were still staring.
9. Oh- I found out that I'm apparently famous. Kind of I guess. People on FB actually read my blog but they don't comment. Start commenting, whores. :) *Mwah!
10. The kid that couldn't read in high school learned out to Bedazzle his shirt. (more on that whole story tomorrow!!!) It was a proud moment. Renee and I were regretful that we did not keep our "Hey Kids! Learn to Read!" poster. *sigh*

Obviously, for the sake of people's lives I'm not going to mention names. That and I'm going to link this post on Facebook and it might be embarrassing. And in one case one of these people are married and I am not going to go all Tiger Woods mistress up in here.

Anyways. I was really bummed because we had a huge graduating class- somewhere over 500 people and MAYBE 80-90 people were there. Why such low numbers? Because the planning committee relied on Facebook to get invitations out. Now, I get that it's expensive to do invitations and postage. But did they have to be fancy? Couldn't we have just done a one page flyer type thing? It also didn't need to be two nights. It could have been one night- appetizers and drinks. We could have even had a "bring your own beer" which is what some people did- but they partied in the parking lot instead of inside where the live band was and that sucked. Also, while the band was marginally good they played all 80s music. Let me tell you- when they pulled out "Mr. Roboto" I almost went gangbusters. Seriously- we graduated in 2000, not 1989. We should have had a DJ who played stuff from the four years of high school. While you can tell that effort was put into some things it was painfully obvious that other stuff was half assed. And that sucks.

I feel bad for the people who have no idea a reunion even happened because they aren't on Facebook. Yes, Facebook is changing the way a lot of things happen but let's be real- some people aren't on Facebook. Some people aren't in touch with anyone from 10 years ago but still would have liked to make an appearance. For the amount of money that people had to pay it was far below expectations.

Things I've learned: keep my expectations low and carry pepper spray. See you in 2020. Unless we have a 15 year which we totally should to make up for the lackluster 10 year.

Monday, August 23, 2010

The time Matt almost killed my kids. With witnesses.

Maybe I should have named this post "First Ever MN/WI Blogger Meetup" but whatever. I kind of think my title is more catchy.

So Krysten is awesome and arranged for only the super cool people who blog in MN/WI to get together and wow everyone with our awesomeness. (Did you not get the invite?? Yikes. That *might* mean you aren't cool. Check into that.) We were going to meet at Como Zoo yesterday and five of us did. Actually- a sixth was supposed to come but after checking with Krysten and then Krysten never hearing from her again we've concluded that:

A. She gave up trying to find parking.
B. She found a parking spot, found us, and was scared by our awesomeness.
C. She was abducted and murdered somewhere in the picnic area.

To our credit, Krysten and I totally looked at bushes to see if we saw feet sticking out afterwards. We saw nothing, so let's hope she just chickened out. Otherwise I might feel bad.

Anyways. So the zoo was fun. I brought my kids and Matt because we got once a year and I figured I'd be all multi-tasker and bring them and get the trip out of the way. So smart I am.

This isn't Matt or my kids. It's me and Krysten burning our armpits on the monkey thingie. The monkey exhibit smells. FYI.

I bought the kids snowcones because I rock like that and I told them, "Absolutely do not drop these because I am not buying another one." Thankfully- my kids follow directions. When we get to the exhibit where the lions and big furry things are I see that there are stairs. I tell Matt (who's pushing the double stroller), "Dude-there's stairs." And he gives me the look that means he will do what he wants because he thinks he's right and says, "So what." Um- so he makes it down two, maybe, when I hear Olivia scream and see Jackson tumble down the concrete steps. Both snowcones have been lost but dammit if they weren't holding the container they were in. They TRIED to hold them. So obviously Matt forgot to strap the kids into the fucking stroller. I was so mad I seriously would have probably killed him with my water bottle.

(Dear Ladies- you saved a man's life on Sunday and you didn't even know it. FYI.)

Seriously. I can't even believe him sometimes. He does these kinds of things all of the time, and then gets pissed off because I get angry. Ugh. Seriously. Anyways.

So I had to get new snowcones to make up for his suckiness as a parent and then I become the favorite. :)

It was so hot yesterday and while us grown ups were dying the kids did super well and never complained about the heat at all. Most of the animals looked like they were on the verge of death so that kind of sucks. Poor furry animals. :(

But here's us at the very end. We should have taken it at the beginning because we would have looked a million times better. But I think we all lost a little bit of weight from sweat. So, bonus I guess??

It was great to meet all of them and I'm excited for the next one. Which we've decided is going to be in Krysten's pool.

Oh- and I am going to post ten year reunion and senior year of high school stuff tomorrow and Wednesday. Yes- it's a double post. Yes- it will be worth it.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Life You've Imagined

Another book review for TLC Book Tours, and Trish who is awesome times a million.

So today I am going to review Kristina Riggles book, The Life You've Imagined, which is set for release in September. And I'm going to tell you right now that I want you to read it. Because I am your lambwhore/goatslut leader and I say so.

This story follows the lives of four women, Amy (the previously fat high school girl engaged to one of the son's of a prominent family in town), Anna (the Chicago based high powered lawyer who's come home because she was put on a bereavement leave due to the loss of her mentor only to encounter her first love, who is not-so-happily married with a daughter), Maeve (Anna's mom who runs a run-down liquor store slated for demolition but who is also chasing the ghost of her husband and Anna's father who abandoned them 20 years earlier), and Cami (who's come back home after being dumped from her boyfriend because of her compulsive gambling habit- and she's forced to live with her alcoholic father). All four women are in the town of Haven and are Cami, Anna, and Amy were previously friends when they were younger.

What I love about this story is that it's real. All four characters have their own storyline and the author jumps from character to character perfectly. You can relate to all four characters without a problem and you are rooting for them. I read this book in two days because I really couldn't put it down.

All of the characters are driven by the sentiment that every decision that you make should push you towards the life that you have always imagined for yourself. It might require a tough decision, it might require that you give up temporary happiness but it ultimately should be worth it in the end.

Will Maeve really meet up with her estranged husband? Will Anna forgive her father for leaving and her mother for pining over him all of these years later? Does Anna rekindle her relationship with Will, her first love, despite him being married? Does Cami ever stand up to her father and learn to overcome her gambling addiction? Will Amy decide to marry her fiance.....or will she leave him and take up with a new found friend, Ed?

I obviously know all of the answers to these questions, but it keeps you intrigued and you are constantly racing to the next chapter to see what is going to happen. I highly recommend this book and I am pretty excited to delve into Ms. Riggles other books. And I'm going to say that I related to each of these characters in different ways and it made me think about those in my life that are very much like these characters a little differently. It's always nice when you can gain a perspective that you otherwise might not have had.

But with that.....would you like to read this? Leave a comment on THIS post and one lucky reader will get my copy of this book. I will draw a name on Saturday- so hurry up!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

School Memories. Oh yes- I'm going there.

So on Monday we took a little job down memory lane with my school pictures and I promised some stories. And to be honest, I have loads. I have a lot of really not so happy moments from school and I could make this an entire week long process. But I won't.

Because my insurance doesn't cover therapy.

And so I'm going to just go off the top of my head. These will be in no order, I'll just type them as they pop into my head. Grab some popcorn and a 40 O.E and let's go.

1. 7th grade: This is the year I got my period. It was a horrible experience. I heard rumors that some girls got it in sixth grade and they even carried tampons in their pockets and wore sweat pants to school. I thought FOR SURE it won't happen to me. Maybe I don't have ovaries and this is all just a bad dreams. Clearly girls were lying when they told me about it. Um, no. Very much not lying. It started off in homeroom- which happened to be in a band room for me. I had sharp, stabbing pain and thought I was dying. I knew my mom would not let me come home because unless I was throwing up more than once an hour- my ass was in school. Two hours later I went to the bathroom and my underwear was totally brown. I was pretty sure I didn't shit myself, but my underwear is telling me SOMETHING has happened. I made hourly visits and it just got worse and worse. I got home and panicked. What was I going to tell my mom? Her 13 year old is shitting herself?! So I finally sucked it up and told her I had "an issue". She saw my problem and promptly showed me where "the supplies" were and told me their were instructions. Mortifying. Because I had to go to school for the week and guess what week it was? Swim week. Obviously. Because my body hates me. Let's just say there was a moment when the string was visible. And I'm leaving it at that.

2. 10th grade. The time I broke my nose in gym class. Everybody in every class thought this was hilarious. For three months.

3. In third or fourth grade we lived way out in the country in Cloquet, MN. I had to ride the bus for almost an hour by the time they got to our stop so it really sucked. But I remember once I was getting off the bus so you have to walk all the way down from the back to the front- where the high school kids sat. And one boy, who I don't remember, pulled my pants AND underwear down. I was mortified, OBVIOUSLY. I remember running down the dirt road just crying my eyes out, and my dad would not let me go to my room and die until I told him what happened. So eventually he went to the school to bitch them out about the bus driver not doing anything. I can't remember if I ever saw that kid again.

4. Kindergarten. Oh man. So in Kindergarten we played a whole bunch of games that I sucked at. I seriously suck at all games, all sports, pretty much anything organized- I suck at it. This means school was often a shameful experience for me because I sucked at everything. Except for Pickleball in high school gym class. THAT I could do. Anyways. In Kindergarten there was this game where you'd sit on a chair in the front of the class and hold this big, lamenated poster up and put your head through the hole. You could ask yes or no questions and the class would answer you, but ultimately you had to guess what you were. Because the poster had a picutre of something. I remember one time I was grapes and I couldn't figure it out. And every kid, and the teacher, told me I was basically stupid. I cried and that was the last day I had a lunch buddy in Kindergarten. It was awful.

5. 7th grade- Sex Ed class. I actually loved sex ed. I thought it was the best class out of the whole day. I knew I'd like sex someday but my favorite part was the secret question box. Because obviously, immature 13 year old's don't have the balls to ask questions, so we had the super secret box that you could put your question in and the teacher would answer. I remember someone asking if having a baby was like pooping. And I dont' know what the answer was but that question stayed with me my whole life. And I remember, while having Olivia, thinking- yes! Having a baby IS like pooping! Only bigger and more painful! That kid is probably an OB/GYN now.

6. 8th Grade. I had just moved to Superior, and I immediately hated Central Junior High. On the first day a boy named Willy was flirting with me. Without using my brain I blurt out, "I have a dog named Willie." Willy never talked to me again. I still feel bad about that, but I think he's a drug dealer now so I made the right choice there. 

So that's all for tonight. I'll try to think of more for Friday's post. :) I have had a migraine coming on for three days and it's finally here. YAY. So I"m going to take my shower, take a pill, grab an ice pack and hit the bed. Here's hoping tomorrow I'm feeling better. I work at 8 in the morning and I'm not used to waking up before 7. Let's hope I'm not in a drug haze when I wake up, huh??

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Lies My Mother Never Told Me

I was asked to review Kaylie Jones' book Lies My Mother Never Told Me through TLC Book Tours. I had actually seen this book at the library and didn't get it because the kids wanted to GO and so I figured I would just add it to my reserved list but I never got that far. When it came up as an option to review I jumped on it because something about the title pulls at me, you know?

Lies My Mother Never Told Me: A MemoirTo give the quick and dirty synopsis, Kaylie Jones is the daughter of James Jones, who was an award winning author of many novels including his most famous, From Here to Eternity and her mother Gloria who was fiercely intelligent with a mouth to back it up. Unfortunately for Kaylie, her father dies when she is in her teenage years and she is left with her brother and her mother, whom is developing into a raging alcoholic. Kaylie's father asks her on his death bed to basically help her mother not drink herself to death so she lives for decades under this pressure to follow through on his wishes.


The problem is that obviously you can't help someone who doesn't recognize they have a problem and others around them think there isn't a problem. It was until Kaylie realized her own drinking is out of hand and she admits she is an alcoholic that she recognizes her mothers problem. Kaylie really struggles with the criticism she gets from her mom and she is really stifled in her own life because she dreads what she's going to get from her mom because of it.

My favorite passage of the whole book was: "We cathect an object narcissistically..when we experience it not as the center of its own activity but as a part of ourselves. If the object does not behave as we expect or wish, we may at times be immeasurably disappointed or offended." In my mind, I could hear my mother saying "How can you listen to such shit? You have no taste in music." My mother could never say "I don't like strawberries". For her, it was always, "How could you eat strawberries? They are the most disgusting fruit in the world." A parent suffering from narcissistic disturbances sees her child only as a mirror image of herself.... What these mothers had once failed to find in their own mothers they were able to find in their children: someone at their disposal who can be used as an echo, who can be controlled, is completely centered on them, will never desert them, and offers full attention and admiration. But , of course, a child cannot help but be a child. A child grows fussy, sometimes rejecting, sometimes demanding, easily exhausted, and exhausting. My mother had no patience for any of this. She adored me - as she was quick to announce - but she could only tolerate my presence in very small doses."

I had to stop reading for two days just to take it in and digest that. It rocked my world. I couldn't believe that this is normal, really, and that there is a name for it. To turn the personal table around- my mom was one of six kids, she was the only daughter. Her mother made it very clear that she did not like my mom. At all. It's really a bizarre feeling and I can't imagine what my mom felt like. The boys were adored but my mom was treated like a slave. She is very close to her father, probably because her mother abandoned the family when the youngest boys, twins, were only two. My mom had to step into role as care taker for everyone. Growing up my mom assumed this was normal until she had my brother and I and realized it had nothing to do with my mom. It was her mother who had the problem.

My mom and I have had a pretty good relationship for the most part. There have been times where I felt I was treated unfairly simply because I was the oldest and I was a girl. She wanted me to do big things with my life because I was a girl and she knew I'd face adversity simply because of what I was. And I'm glad she pushed me. But growing up, I can say I felt like anything I did wasn't really important. My parents were never the help-at-school type, take our friends to fun things, etc. It was a miracle I was ever able to have sleepovers. At the time I was angry but now I get it. It's just not who they are. I have made some decisions as an adult that my mom disagreed with me on and made it very clear I was making a huge mistake. There have been times where I felt like maybe there was something wrong with me. But as god as my witness- my mom is awesome. I love her to the moon and back and I have no right to complain because I know she did the best she could for us. And still does.

And let's turn it around as me as a parent. I struggle. I'm not even going to lie. I love both of my kids equally but I feel more of a connection to Jackson. Is it because I suffered post partum depression after Olivia for her entire first year? I didn't really bond with her for the first year of her life- I was mostly crying and praying I could make it all stop. Is it because I was going through a rough time in my marriage while pregnant to Jackson? I clung to that baby like he was my lifeline. I don't know. But I know that each and every day I struggle. The non stop crying, the arguing, the fighting over the blue marker when we have 6 others on the table, the fact I never get to sit down and be old Sara? All of it plus more makes me think MAYBE I wasn't meant to be a mom. THIS is the stuff they should tell you. You should have to go through a rigorous testing to be able to have a baby. It's serious and the demands put on you are like no other. Make no mistake- one baby is easy. EASY. Put more than one kid in the mix and suddenly everything is a battle. It's hard and god help me, I don't know if I would do it again. And that? Terrifies me. And keeps me up some nights. I don't know what that makes me but I know I try to be the absolute best mom I can be. Because they deserve it.

I could go for HOURS on this but I won't. I want you to get this book. If you've ever had a relationship with a parent that has been strained- please, please, please read this book. It will help you more than you know.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Early Years of Sara. School Pictures.

So a few weeks ago I mentioned I had no idea what to do for posts. And one reader, Ann, suggested I vagina up and post school pictures from back in the day. OK, so she didn't say it like that exactly but I could tell from the undertone of her reply. OK, so there probably wasn't an undertone but I felt it was a challenge anyways.

Before we get into this, I don't have them all. My mom gave me what she had without digging through a million and three boxes. And I want you to note the following:

1. My mom did not have a lot of money so the fact that I don't look like a complete ass in *some* of these pictures is huge.
2. I apparently was always huge into accessories.

Let us begin.

Kindergarten
ooh..the moody two face picture.! I remember this dress and LOVING the trim. And you can't see them well but I totally have two bright red barrettes holding my adorable pony tail in. Unnecessary to some but obviously necessary for me. What's WEIRD is that my profile? Looks EXACTLY like Jackson. But in Kindergarten I had Mrs. Moore. She was super fat. Like SUPER fat. My mom said she wasn't but I remember Mrs. Moore not being able to really move much. But our class was the Penguin class so everything in there was penguin related. We were next door to the Flamingos (the teacher had a flamingo tattoo on her foot and I'd just stare at it during movie time) and the Owls (where the bad kids were- they never got to come out from around the curtain.)

Grade 1:
Watch out- lasers, bitches! Kidding. I don't remember this dress but I DO remember my mom doing my hair that morning. Mostly because my hair was shoulder length and my mom pinned it so it looked shorter. And I remember that my hair was really thick, warranting the use of one of my mom's barrettes on the top. I had no front teeth and was totally aware of that. I don't know what the fuck happened to my top lip, yo. Where is it?! But I had Mrs. Hogan who I absolutely LOVED. She had these cool pens with stamps on the end that she'd stamp on your paper if you were cool. And it wasn't some regular stamp- it was a stamp of HER FACE! And it said, "Way to Go!". Oh god- I remember wanting to be a teacher just for a stamp like that.

Grade 2:
Look- I'm so smart I have beams of knowledge coming from my entire body! Ugh. I hated that year of school. I had Mrs. Daniels and she was really lame. I also sat next to a girl who wrote impossibly small and I wondered why she couldn't just use up the entire line like the rest of us. Also of importance was the fact that there were a LOT of black kids in my class. I remember being the only white kid in that half of the room. That was weird because I couldn't understand them and they couldn't understand me. And one boy would try to tell me I should color on myself. Whatever yo.

Grade 3:
Oh my god! Let me tell you about this! OK, so see that bracelet on my hand? Yeah. It's not a bracelet. It's a plastic shower curtain ring! I'm dead fucking serious. My mom would NOT let me wear jewelry that day and that's so oppressive. I wasn't having any of that. We had to make some kind of diorama for school and mine sucked because my parents had no money, so seeing as how my mom worked at a gas station I had to use anything from the gas station food area (you know- roller hot dog area) for it. So I took a shower curtain ring thinking I could maybe use that but it fell off my diorama (which I failed at because hello---you can't glue straws together using white glue and expect it to hold) and I used the ring as a bracelet. And didn't tell mom. Oh boy was she pissed to see that in my pictures! Fucking ingenious if you ask me. I was in 3 different schools in third grade but this was still in Florida. I hated the teacher, a Russian lady named Mrs. K. Ugh. But I had shoulder pads in my dress so that made everything ok.

Grade 4:
This was a horrible year. I was living in Cloquet, MN and the kids all hated me. I had a southern accent, I didn't know what the fuck "pop" was, and I didn't understand why they called school lunch "hot lunch". I pretty much had no friends until sixth grade and then I had one. I don't know- I just couldn't make friends that I didn't get annoyed with. But I hated this sweater. Straight from Pamida. Ugh. I remember my mom saying, "They look like snowflakes!" which apparently would be "adorable" for school. NOT SO MUCH, MOM. This sweater probably had something to do with my lack of friends.

Grade 7:
I had made one really awesome friend in seventh grade, and her name was Jessica. I'm still in touch with her from time to time but she made my 7th grade not suck. We used to twirl baton in her driveway every day in the summer. That was the year the show Friends made it big and Seal's "Kiss From A Rose" was huge. Oh god. Every time I hear that song or the theme from Friends I think of Jessica. But this picture was awful. Just a week before my mom wanted me to get my hair cut. I had no say in my hair and this is what happened. Look at that. I remember crying for HOURS that I looked like my Grandma Linda, who at the time, had hair JUST LIKE THIS. Seriously- it's like a fancy mullet. Ugh. I tried to make up for it with my peace earrings and my necklace you can't see.

Grade 8:
I got to use hairspray in 8th grade. My bangs took the worst of it. But I loved this shirt- it was a mock turtleneck short sleeve blue one. LOVED it. It made my boobs look awesome. Even in 8th grade I knew what was what. We had moved to Superior, WI the summer before 8th grade and once again, I started in a new town with no friends. And it never got better because if you don't live in Superior from birth- you don't really exist. Plus the girls at Central Junior High were AWFUL to me. I mean, truly. Had bullying been something people talked about back then I would have been a textbook case. Boys were fine- it was the girls. Nobody would talk to me, I remember having to have lunch by myself because nobody knew anything about me. I had moved around too much and my parents didn't know anybody elses parents, etc. Awful.

Grade 9
Senior High- baby. Oh good. I remember this was taken during orientation, which is called Spartan Camp here. My friend Allena and I went, I had spent the night before at her house. We spent all morning getting ready only to be greeted with huge gusts of wind the walk to the high school. So yeah- that's the best I could do with my long, thick, wavy hair in humidity back then. Oy. But my mom was starting to let me wear hoops so I totally did. Oh- and my necklace that had a hammered piece of silver with a Pisces sign on it. I miss that one.

Grade 10:
Oh my god. I loved, loved, loved this shirt. It was silky blue and had little squares with dots in the middle all over it. You can also see my bra through it. I was so bad ass. Allena still lived here (note my half of the ying yang necklace- we were BFF's, yo) so we went together again. I spent the night before again and I remember us JAMMING out to Smashing Pumpkins and then watching all the shows of Alternative Nation she was able to tape onto VHS from MTV. She had figured out how to get the music onto a cassette tape and made us the most kick ass mix tapes. Garbage, Bush, Prodigy, Radiohead, The Toadies, oh man. Good times. I was SURE 10th grade was going to be the best year ever. And it was in a lot respects, even after Allena moved to Texas.

OK- so that's what I've got. I'll post my grad pictures on Friday, in honor of my 10 year high school reunion.

Schedule for this week is as follows:
Tuesday- book review (please, please, please tune in for this. It's going to get personal up in here)
Wednesday- school stories
Thursday- another book review (this is also super good)
Friday- grad pictures (we're skipping DBF this week. Sorry.)

Yay! So which of my school pictures was your favorite?? It's weird to look back and think I haven't changed a whole bunch. :)

Friday, August 13, 2010

What? What? DBF back??

I know. What a fucking slacker. But seriously- I have had NO time for Domestic Bitch Fridays since the Never-Ending-Yard-Sale was happening. Cut me some mother effing slack yo.

But I have been busy so don't think my fam has been starving.

Let's start with my project first because I'm going to be all on my high horse here. Because I'm awesome. You see- I love Finny's blog. She's funny and snarky, she's a fab cook, she gardens, she sews, she seriously is 1000% cooler than Martha. Finny needs her own show. If I lived closer I would probably force Finny to show me everything she knows. But the thing is...I pretty much hate everything. Seriously- refresh yourself here. So while everything she does looks pretty....realistically- I'm gagging because it's all healthy and NOT a spicy chicken sandwich with no mayo or tomato with a large fry and a large coke from Wendy's. I clearly have my favorites.

But lambs/goats? This bitch trimmed green beans for an hour. I'm serious. I have more green beans than the Pilgrims had on the First Thanksgiving because my freezer is loaded. I can't even fathom everything I'm going to have to make with green beans. And I hate green beans so this should be fun.
So yeah. They came from a real garden and were dirty. This? Is a big fucking step. Have I mentioned that I hate the smell of fresh stuff?? I didn't realize green beans were...hard. The ones in the can or frozen are not as hard. Weird.

OK- there's more update on my love for Finny but that's going to be NEXT week's recipe. Trust me- stick around for that.

But my recipe this week was super yummy. Even though some of the ingredients with a * next to them, I don't like. But this? Was really good.

Lemon Chicken (out of a cookbook)
4 chicken boobs
1/3 cup lemon juice*
1 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp chopped red bell pepper*
1 1/2 tsp chopped garlic*
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp dried oregano

Season chicken with salt, pepper, oregano, cook it in a skillet. Meanwhile, mix the rest of the stuff in a bowl- pour over chicken.

Cook until chicken is done. I had 3 GIANT chicken boobs so I cut them up. And I had to use the whole red pepper because I knew it'd just go bad anyways. But I didn't taste garlic and I didn't taste lemon juice- but it was still good.

So let's look for some freebies:
Today Sponges: Seriously- any fan of Seinfeld HAS to get these.
Post it thingies: Because you need to be organized.
Cheetos Zingers: These might not suck.

OK- so that's it for this week. I'll be back next week with another episode of Domestic Bitch Friday. Are you doing this weekly challenge?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I should watch the news more.

First off, I should watch the news more because I think I could be WAY better than Nancy Grace. I am a bitch naturally- so I wouldn't even have to talk over people to get my point across. But Jane Velaz Mitchell? She looks messed up. What happened to her face? LAY OFF THE BOTOX BABY.

Anyways. Let's hit up some news stories that I think are entertaining for different reasons.

1. The Jet Blue guy. Seriously- if you haven't heard of him you are a bigger loser than me. I have to admit, I'm Team Slater. The guy works in customer service, so let's all just think about that. Have you ever saw that A&E show "Airline"? Have you ever flown? Because if you've experienced either you know exactly how incredibly rude people are when they fly. There is something about the airport that as soon as a person walks in they are angry and hate the world. And god-fucking-forbid it rains. Oh god. If it rains, and there's even a CHANCE of a delay? You better hope that none of the women are currently pregnant or on the rag because shit is hitting the fan. I will state for the record that I have a horrible flight travel experience record. If anyone should be going AWOL at an airport it's me. I've been "flagged" EVERY flight I've been on in my life except for the one when I was 5 in 1987 but back then I'm sure you were allowed to bring guns on anyways. Anyways.

So Slater is doing his job, obviously hates it and I don't blame him when this bitch is all breaking the rules trying to get her shit out of overhead. Obviously, anyone with an iota of a brain knows you can't do this until the plane is stopped and the lights tell you it's ok. Nope, she's all crazy and entitled, and the compartment thing hits poor Steven in the head. First off, the fact that he ONLY went on a tirade on the intercom and then grabbed two beers while deploying the emergency chute and checked his ass out of their shows huge restraint. Because I know words would have been said if it were me. At the minimum. I would have been arrested for actual assault.

And let's face it- he's a hero. Because ANYONE who has ever had a shitty job, or at least worked retail knows exactly what was going through his head, and you've only WISHED you could have done something like this. I applaud YOU Mr. Jet Blue Diva for living out the fantasy that lives in all of us.

2. The lady groped by Donald Duck. Anyone who waits two years to report an assault by a stuffed duck is clearly off a few. People who are sexually assaulted don't run to a lawyer- they file a police report. She's claiming she's having "digestive issues and flashbacks" because of it. Um, first- take some Pepto. It works miracles. And second- flashbacks? Of what? I would think this is hilarious. If Donald Duck grabbed my boob, first off- I would demand it'd be re-enacted so someone could take a picture for my scrapbook. Shit- that's a vacation memory yall.

3. Mitrice Richardson. Oh, this one is so sad. So the quick & dirty is that Mitrice, a 24 year old in California, was acting bizarre in a restaurant and walked out on her tab. Obviously, she's arrested. While detained she exhibits strange behavior and is ultimately released in the middle of the night/early morning hours. Fine and dandy- except she's released without her purse, cell phone, wallet, and has no vehicle. So she starts walking around downtown Los Angeles and disappears. The police department fumbled this from the word go and basically deny she was acting strange and did everything by the book. A month ago they reported they had leads she was partying it up in Vegas but her family never believed that. With cause because her body? Was just found and identified. She was murdered and her body was in a ravine not far from the police station where she was last seen. I'm not an expert but it obviously sounds like the department knew they fucked up and tried to cover their asses and are now fucked. It's really sad because you know the chances of them finding who killed her are slim to none and that's not fair to her family.

4. Lindsay Lohan. She might be getting out of rehab early apparently. Um, anyone want to place bets on how quickly she is photographed stumbling out of a bar with her nose covered in white powder? Yeah, didn't think so.

5. Don't eat cats. Seriously. You just have to go here: http://www.boston.com/news/odd/articles/2010/08/10/ny_police_find_live_cat_marinating_in_car_trunk/ and read it yourself.

So I have to know- what are your thoughts on Jet Blue Diva? I feel like I need a shirt or something to remember this by.