First off, enter my GIVEAWAY if you haven't yet.
Second off, some of you who are friends with my on Facebook are aware that Jackson, at the ripe age of 2 1/2 is becoming a man. Well, kind of. We initiated him into the wonderful world that is a toilet.
If anyone remembers our ordeal with Olivia, the girl who refuses to be wrong, (which is not like me at ALL, *ahem*) you'll realize why I was a little nervous. Even at age 4 Olivia will still holding poop and then literally exploding only after giving her enemas. (Seriously, if you need advice on Miralax, enemas, suppositories or how to use a qtip to guide out poop... I'm your girl.) It took us TWO YEARS to get her potty trained without accidents. And I was determined it was not going to be that way with Jackson.
Mostly because I didn't think my patience threshold was going to be that great.
Aside from having to dole out discipline appropriately (more on that another day) the worst part of parenting a toddler is hands down potty training. You take it for granted as an adult. Seriously. For those of you who aren't parents of a toddler try putting into words what the sensation of knowing when to go pee or poop is. Try it.
It's hard, yo.
But over the Christmas holidays it became apparent that Jackson was more than ready. The obvious hint came on Christmas Day when I saw him trying to change his own pullup. Yeah. We were ready. So the following Monday I pulled out the potty seat, a bag of suckers, and I had way more caffeine than I should have. (That's actually required so that when they do go in the potty you can be overly enthusiastic about pee, or poop if you're lucky, and motivate them to do it again.)
We started first thing in the morning and he seemed good to go. Except that by 3pm we had only had one accident and no pee anywhere else. I had fears of this child holding in urine and poop. I seriously couldn't go down this road again. I just couldn't.
Day two was pee accidents GALORE. My carpet smelled like a men's urinal pretty much that entire day. I think I even cried at one point. I do remember telling Jackson he could have Popsicles for lunch if he just peed in the potty. It never happened but I was peed on several times throughout the day rushing him to the potty. He was subsequently banned from furniture. And then I banned Olivia for laughing.
Day three- no mistakes. Folks, something happened overnight. I don't know if it was the amount of tears I shed and him just feeling sorry for me or what, but from day three on we haven't had any pee accidents. AND day three also brought us poop in the potty. Which is just as disgusting as a diaper, but maybe more so since his poop is sticky and so I have to use a wipe to get it out. Yup- it's more disgusting in the potty seat. Fail.
But the biggest hurdle has been public bathrooms. I think that he is maybe still traumatized from The Poop Incident and maybe that's our problem. Maybe. But two weekends ago we were at lunch and I braved out into the world without a pullup. Or extra pants. (Fuck off- I'm out of practice hauling kid shit in my purse. Believe me- I'm back into practice now.) So Matt takes him to the men's room only to return 30 seconds later with a red faced and teary Jackson. Matt tells me Jackson lost his shit (not literally, thank god) when he went in there. Matt's downfall as a parent is that he has no finesse. He can't talk children into things like I can. So I take Jackson in with me. He's freaking out until I show him this is a flush toilet, not the automatic. I realize how disgusting it is for me to touch it with my hand, but the boy needs to learn to pee in public. I get him on the toilet, I'm kneeling on the floor that hasn't been cleaned in months and he's like, "I'm peeing!" Funny, because I hear nothing. But then.. oh yes..
I feel the warmth on my crotch. I realize that the problem with little boys is that their little penis is short. So they don't totally bend down. And that you have to actually hold it down. I say to Jackson, "Honey, you have to tuck your pee pee down" to which he replies, "I do, it just keeps flipping out." AND cue hysterical laughter. And I almost dropped Jackson into the toilet. BUT I didn't.
But Matt DID laugh at me when he saw my piss stained pants.
Cue us to Friday at toddler class. I told Jackson literally a 100 times to tell the teacher if you have to potty. The procedure is that they walk the kid down to the parent room and the parent takes them to the potty. Totally fine. I tried two times with Jackson before class. Nothing. He's terrified of the auto flush thing. I draped my sweater over the sensor and he still wasn't having it.
We separate and I'm chillin in the parent class. Then I see Jackson coming with the teacher. He starts telling me he has to pee and we literally run to the bathroom. I get him in there and YET AGAIN I get pissed on, this time my shirt. Jackson also peed all over his underwear/pants because I couldn't get him on there fast enough. So now we both smell. Fortunately, I had a change of pants/underwear for him in my purse but he was so upset that he peed on me. I said it was ok, good job for telling teacher, etc. I walked him back to class which he loudly says, "I peed on mommy!!!"
So the moral of this story is that I need a fold up potty seat with the little pee dome protector thingie. Otherwise I'm going to continue smelling like pee. And I thought for sure I wouldn't have that problem until my 70's. At least.