You see what I did there? I sang my title!
OK. So I didn't in real life. You'll live. Actually you'll live a longer life with your hearing because me singing is horrid.
But it's time for Dear Sara.
1. In lieu of your eat like a fat whore weekend... McDonald's or Burger King. Dudes. If I had to chose between the two it's totally going to be Burger King. Specifically a #9 with no mayo, large fry, large Coke. (That's the original chicken.) If I absolutely HAD to eat at McDonald's, it's a #3, only ketchup, large fry, large Coke. (that's the quarter pounder with cheese.) BUT my hands down favorite place.. Wendy's. All the way bitches. There.. I could eat everything. Not really because I'm picky. BUT my go-to meal there is the #6, lettuce only, large fry/Coke. (That's the spicy chicken). OR I'll get the crispy chicken sandwich, ketchup only, large fry/Coke. OR the chicken nuggets. God help me. I'm fucking STARVING right now. Ugh. But I did have Wendy's for lunch because my meal was free because I'm a frequent customer of Wendy's. HA!
2. Now that you have started vlogging my husband has decided that he may just be in love with you. Could you please tell him what happens to those who lust after (and probably secretly masturbate over) somebody other than their spouse? Guess what? Several of you have emailed me to tell me that your husbands love me. I'm sorry. As long as they don't start stalking me, I'm totally fine with it. BUT I highly suggest that you remind your husbands that it's scientifically proven their penis will fall off if they masturbate to the wrong thing. Seriously. I read that in Cosmo. Or National Geographic. I can't really pin down where I read it but I know I did. And if your wife catches you- I don't think anybody is going to find her guilty in a court of law. I'm just sayin. It's not worth your penis. Unless you don't love your penis. In which case you should be having a different kind of coming-to-Jeebus meeting with your wife about maybe being a girl. (As an aside I'm a full supporter of LGBT communities so you'll always be a lambwhore to me)
3. Do you wear contacts? Because in some of your vlogs your eyes are REALLY blue. No. I don't wear contacts because I'm a big baby and can't handle anything to do with my eyes. Like, I can't even put drops in, so when they are dry I'd rather go around with blood shot eyes looking like a stoner than vag up and put some Visine in. This also means I pussy out at the eye doctor. I wear glasses and I believe my vision has worsened so I should be wearing them way more often. I wear them when I drive new places or at night for sure though. BUT I've only been to the eye doctor twice since I've been 16. Folks, I'm on the cusp of 29.. so that means I'm not seeing that doctor very regularly. BUT I'm going to go this year (maybe) because I really do need new glasses. So no, the eye color you see is what I am. My eyes also change. So sometimes they look really blue while other times they are really green. I'm a freak. BUT my birth certificate says blue.
And finally... our last question for this evening is brought to you by ME. But I kind of think this song should play in the background?