Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I have a date!

Aw... I bet for a hot mess minute there you thought my husband was taking me on a date. (But YOU could have a date with your hand if you'd like.. enter my GIVEAWAY).

Bwahahaha!

Silly lambwhores. He is super anti social and his version of a date is letting me share the couch while he watches Antiques Roadshow. Sadly, he will only be 31 in August so he isn't actually geriatric.

Anyways.

No. For Christmas, my super awesome and sister from another vagina, sister-in-law Kate got me my VERY OWN Edward doll. But I call him my Robert. Whatever. I like Edward but I know Robert is not a vampire in real life. I get it. Most of my long time followers remember my birthday gift involving Robert from last year (go HERE if you are clueless), and last year for Christmas Kate got me the movie Robsessed. Which, amazing. I could stare at him for days. Mmm...

OK. But here's me and Robert embracing. Well, it's me before it became Sara vs. Mattel packaging.
(side note- Mattel? Your obscene amount of packaging? Is uncalled for and not necessary. There is no reason I should have to get a really sharp knife to free a fucking doll from a box. And I should not have to wear Hello Kitty band-aids afterwards so I don't get blood on Robert's coat.)

Not only did I get the doll, I got a stand to put him on but I also got an official certificate (why?? WHY do I need this??).

More disturbingly, I was kind of freaked out by the box. No lie. Doesn't he look constipated? I don't remember this look in the movie AT ALL. And I'm going to just embarrass myself and tell the world I have watched Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse AT LEAST twenty times each. I'm SURE there is no constipation happening.
Because... don't vampires body systems stop working? Clearly, I'm not a vampire expert. I've read enough books and seen enough movies though to say I don't remember them pooping. So... that would lead me to believe they don't have to poop.... so they couldn't be constipated. Am I off on this? Can they get gassy and backed up? Do you produce poop if you drink blood? I mean, if there is an expert, please enlighten me.

Anyways. So while everyone wanted me to take cardboard Robert to Eclipse... it's just not possible. He isn't really portable. It IS 6 feet tall and awkward to carry. He also doesn't bend.

BUT I can and most certainly AM bringing Robert doll to the Breaking Dawn show in November. Yes- my calendar is marked, I'm poised to buy tickets online the SECOND they are available and I have a little surprise up my sleeve. A blogger meet up? Perhaps. Oh, perhaps.

But I have a date. Not that Kate isn't enough, believe me, she's a FANTASTIC date and she doesn't smell like dead cats or candidates for Hoarders (unlike the ladies we were behind for New Moon...). Anyways. The only thing about Robert doll is that he has an unfortunate mullet hair do.. which is not like Robert (or Edward) so I'm sad. But his face is shimmery and his eyeliner is applied better than mine. So I don't know. I obviously have to step myself up if he wants to be seen with me in public.

12 comments:

Jennifer Kay said...

What do you mean perhaps...you mean fo sho! I got my flight saved in Expedia just waiting for the tax money to roll in so I can hit the "purchase" button!!!

Jess said...

I think Stephanie Meyers answers questions such as your own on her website. I know this because my husband and I got into a debate about the vampire boner. And I headed over to her website where she goes into much detail about how vampires can have sex.
You better tell me if vampires can poop cuz now I want to know!
When you take Robert to see Breaking Dawn I want to see pictures!!! Your eyeliner better be perfect!
Jess

Oilfield Trash said...

I wont say anything about your love affair with the Twilight stuff if you are silent about my love of sports. Deal?

Smart Ass Sara said...

@Jennifer- I'm excited about this visit. Fo Sho.

@Jess-- er.. no pressure?

@Oilfield- You'll find that I don't care about sports and I will leave you to them. Well, I DO like hockey. So there's that.

prettylittlereckless said...

I think you're taking the potty training a bit to far deary. You're now talking about vampires and poop. Although I wonder how the cast would respond if asked that in an interview.... hmm...

:) ps- I'm going to update my profile pic on facebook just for you. You will know what I mean when I do it.

toodles!

Courtney said...

OME, I'm totes obsessed with Robward too and I have a New Moon full-size Edward (FSE) folded up in my garage, natch. I've even taken FSE to work a few times and he's become like a company fixture. This also means I have to take him on the train and no, he does not sit down. But he bends in half for me quite nicely!

Sweet Robward dreams gurl!

Ang said...

so, I don't really do the whole Twilight thing (so, sue me) - BUT... you seem really happy about this and I'd probably feel the same if I got a Britney Spears doll (the sexy version, not the WT version). So... I'm happy for you!

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

And THIS is why I love you.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

Is the mullet hair like material or molded plastic. Because a pair of scissors will cure a hair like mullet really fast.

I'd go low key on the makeup. Don't want to upstage him

NightIce said...

Your husband better watch out between that doll, life sized cut out and that shop you are doing the give away for he might seem superfluous lol.

Dana Leigh said...

So many things in this post make me laugh.

Sadako said...

Congrats but he can't hold a candle to my date: OPTIMUS PRIME!