I have to just say it. It's really bothering me and I have to get it out before I beat the crap out of the next person I see wearing them.
I fucking hate them. I hate them a lot. I cannot even express to you my dislike for knee highs properly. I also cannot tell you how repulsed I am to see that they must be making some kind of fucking come back because I have seen NO LESS than 50 women, of varying ages, sporting knee highs.
This week alone, homies.
First off, it's cold here. It's been in the 20's (muther effin heat wave) all the way down to -20 or so. Now is not the time to wear dresses and skirts and cute strappy heels, no. None of that is appropriate in northern Wisconsin/Minnesota when we've got frigid temperatures, and I'm not even mentioning the snow. Folks, we have a lot of snow.
And if you've never lost sensation in your extremities due to exposure or snow... then you might not get this. But it's not fun and after some time... it's not attractive. Nothing says "turn off" like black and shriveled up feet that look like they should just be chopped off for being so offensive looking.
So I keep seeing knee highs on people. And then I drive by Walgreens and notice they have knee highs on sale for $.25. Um.. really? Gross.
But I think the entire concept is stupid. When would be an appropriate time to wear these? Here's where I get confused:
With pants: Um, no. First off, the only thing exposed is your feet and ankles (if you can't buy pants that fit your fucking legs). So... assuming it would only be your feet. Can you wear a thin dress sock? Like those really thin ones? It's pretty common place to not wear a strappy, open toed shoe with dress slacks but if you feel like being a trendsetter.. for the grace of Jeebus you don't wear a knee high with the seam across your toe. Ew. That's ugly and distracting. So no. And quite frankly- if you aren't paying for a REGULAR pedicure and keeping your toes in tip top shape you have no business wearing anything exposing your toes. Same with your heels, ladies. If you have cracked/dry heels you cover your hooves up. Nobody needs to see your lack of hygiene.
With skirts: Ok- this? This is my biggest pet peeve. Because as a person who frequently gets stuck behind the delusional lady who is incapable or unwilling to do a 360 in the mirror before she leaves the house... I feel like bashing your head in. Because guess what lady? I CAN SEE THE FUCKING TOP OF YOUR KNEE HIGH AND YOU LOOK STUPID. Just don't. Don't ever.
So when? When would you need these?? Granted, I agree that nylons and tights are not flattering. Even the control top ones just don't help. If you think they do then you haven't actually looked at yourself. It will give you the inner tube look or make it worse if you already have that. Unless you pull them up all the way under your boobs but then you run the risk of cracking a rib.
But with knee highs... are you pulling them up? I'm sorry but seeing a woman hike up her knee highs or nylons? Annoying. It drives me nuts. It's like picking a wedgie out of your ass or adjusting your thong. It's like hiking your bra up. All in front of people. No. You don't do these things so STOP adjusting your knee highs. God damn.
So yeah. I'm kind of stabby about knee highs today. Weird.