Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Knee highs.

I have to just say it. It's really bothering me and I have to get it out before I beat the crap out of the next person I see wearing them.

Knee highs.

I fucking hate them. I hate them a lot. I cannot even express to you my dislike for knee highs properly. I also cannot tell you how repulsed I am to see that they must be making some kind of fucking come back because I have seen NO LESS than 50 women, of varying ages, sporting knee highs.

This week alone, homies.

First off, it's cold here. It's been in the 20's (muther effin heat wave) all the way down to -20 or so. Now is not the time to wear dresses and skirts and cute strappy heels, no. None of that is appropriate in northern Wisconsin/Minnesota when we've got frigid temperatures, and I'm not even mentioning the snow. Folks, we have a lot of snow.

And if you've never lost sensation in your extremities due to exposure or snow... then you might not get this. But it's not fun and after some time... it's not attractive. Nothing says "turn off" like black and shriveled up feet that look like they should just be chopped off for being so offensive looking.

Anyways.

So I keep seeing knee highs on people. And then I drive by Walgreens and notice they have knee highs on sale for $.25. Um.. really? Gross.

But I think the entire concept is stupid. When would be an appropriate time to wear these? Here's where I get confused:

With pants: Um, no. First off, the only thing exposed is your feet and ankles (if you can't buy pants that fit your fucking legs). So... assuming it would only be your feet. Can you wear a thin dress sock? Like those really thin ones? It's pretty common place to not wear a strappy, open toed shoe with dress slacks but if you feel like being a trendsetter.. for the grace of Jeebus you don't wear a knee high with the seam across your toe. Ew. That's ugly and distracting. So no. And quite frankly- if you aren't paying for a REGULAR pedicure and keeping your toes in tip top shape you have no business wearing anything exposing your toes. Same with your heels, ladies. If you have cracked/dry heels you cover your hooves up. Nobody needs to see your lack of hygiene.

With skirts: Ok- this? This is my biggest pet peeve. Because as a person who frequently gets stuck behind the delusional lady who is incapable or unwilling to do a 360 in the mirror before she leaves the house... I feel like bashing your head in. Because guess what lady? I CAN SEE THE FUCKING TOP OF YOUR KNEE HIGH AND YOU LOOK STUPID. Just don't. Don't ever.

So when? When would you need these?? Granted, I agree that nylons and tights are not flattering. Even the control top ones just don't help. If you think they do then you haven't actually looked at yourself. It will give you the inner tube look or make it worse if you already have that. Unless you pull them up all the way under your boobs but then you run the risk of cracking a rib.

But with knee highs... are you pulling them up? I'm sorry but seeing a woman hike up her knee highs or nylons? Annoying. It drives me nuts. It's like picking a wedgie out of your ass or adjusting your thong. It's like hiking your bra up. All in front of people. No. You don't do these things so STOP adjusting your knee highs. God damn.

So yeah. I'm kind of stabby about knee highs today. Weird.

19 comments:

Shirley said...

Bwahaha...Literally, today, I saw a lady wearing knee highs with a short skirt and running shoe.

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

I now have Baby One More Time stuck in my head. Because all I can think of is Britney Spears in a school girl outfit.

kimberrleigh said...

The only time I EVER wear knee highs is with boots and that's because short ankle socks fall down in my boot and I have to take the boot off, fix my sock/hold it as I put my foot back into my boot.. which only proceeds to fall back down as soon as I walk 6 steps.

But I agree with you completely and totally.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Well you see Sarah, back before you were grown up, grown ups all wore nylons. It just takes some of us a little longer to realize that no one wears them anymore and to get used to that sweaty foot in your shoe feeling :)

middle child said...

So are these just the "pretend" nylons you're talking about? I am not allowed to wear these. (per The Hunter) But the actual knee high SOCKS? Is that ok? Cashmere or Merino wool? No? Fine, then I'll just wear my Uggs (no socks) or Sorels (again, no socks). All for you. I do this for you.

Zoƫ said...

so umm, I pretty much only wear kneehighs because I wore them for school five years and got used to them and well, I like them and they have been the majority of my socks for the last decade. That said, I wear them pulled up under my pants a lot of the time during the winter for extra warmth, and in the summer I'm more likely to have bare legs anyway. the only time they bother me is with shorts, because well, then they are pushed down at your ankles and that's just weird/annoying. but yeah, mine are all weird funny designs and I like them. most my skirts/dresses have prints on them though so I stick to black tights, I would only wear kneehighs with a black skirts I guess and definitely not with exposed shoes, just when I wear sneakers. if you are fancy enough to be wearing heels you should be very nylons anyway I think.

wow that is a long ramble on socks but I had to defend them a little, I love them :)

AmberLaShell said...

I think it looks stupid to wear open toe shoes in the winter..period...

Oilfield Trash said...

Well as a man I don't wear them. But as a man I love to see them on a woman.

If you don't like them, don't wear them.

Jax said...

I am also a hater of knee highs. I don't hike my socks up so you shouldn't hike your knee highs up. I did have the pleasure of wearing nylons for six years everyday. It was not fun and I would never wish that upon anyone! In this case of definitely having to choose between nylons and knee highs, I would have to go with knee highs but only if it is absolutely mandatory.

prettylittlereckless said...

lmao. Ok, so I don't wear knee high nylons/pantyhose whatever the hell you call those things from hell, BUT my trouser type socks are knee highs. lmao. lmao. They're thicker than pantyhose, but thinner than socks. So like a really thick pantyhose. But ya know what- I love THOSE! idk why. Regular trouser socks that only hit the ankle ALWAYS FALL DOWN. So I like my crazy half pantyhose half sock type, uh sock. So suck it. :) However, since I work evenings, I usually only wear work appropriate shoes for 3-4 hours then switch into my Uggs, which I don't wear socks with. So generally, I arrive to work in Uggs with no socks, usually don't put on socks and just slip into shoes. lol.

Clearly I'm full of fashion no-no's today. Knee highs, Uggs and wearing shoes without socks. haha!

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

okay this made me laugh! wow you are passionate about my socks.
I wore knee high socks yesterday with my boots. Glad I didn't run into you.

If you were referring to knee high stockings - well that is just bat shit crazy and I agree!

Sara said...

Knee high socks are cool! I hope your rant is about the brown nylons. Cause I love me some cute knee high socks. I wear them almost every day during the winter under my top of the calf leather boots. :D I think I have over 30 pairs of knee high socks. I buy a pair almost every month. Then I lop off the feet part and make Jesse leg warmers. :)

Jen @ Dear Mommy Brain said...

I used to wear old lady-knee high pantyhose with dress pants when I worked at JCPenney's because they are uber antiquated and made you wear "appropriate hosiery" as part of the dress code. But it was better than cutting off my circulation with full on hose. And lemme tell ya... My boyfriend at the time thought it was smokin' hot... But I didn't care- I was willing to make the trade for being able to breathe and sit down comfortably.

I also hike up my bra, but I try to be discreet. But I just can't stand it when the girls are hanging low. Damn gravity.

Ang said...

i don't have much to say about knees highs today because... well, i just don't pay enough attention...

I do want to say this though: today, and just today, I think I finally understand how you feel when you say you're feeling stabby.

FinnyKnits said...

Do you mean like those fleshy colored nylon things or wool stripped knee socks?

Because MAMA - I LOVE MY KNEE SOCKS.

This is for you.

Jean said...

Where in northern WI/MN are you??? I'm from that area too!!!

E said...

I know a boy who really likes knee highs. REALLY likes them. So I have been known to wear them at home just to torture him ;)

Little J said...

Who over 8 years old wears knee highs? Unless they are argyle and they are on a preppy or golf themed pub crawl, that's awful. Go ahead and hit them, you're doing them a favor!

Eileen said...

EW..I totally agree with you! I don't even own knee highs after coming to the same conclusion myself.