I am so mother effing tired right now I could sleep for days. I'm convinced if I were an alcoholic I could successfully sleep through Olivia's new game and it wouldn't be an issue anymore. Sadly, I'm too broke to even buy Pepsi so it's not going to happen.
For the last three weeks Olivia has resumed her "I can't sleep" game which used to be heartbreaking, then annoying, and now it just makes me angry and frustrated. It started when she was 2 1/2, right after we had Jackson. She would get up and complain of noises or that "dogs were in her window" which we know isn't the case since her rooms is on the second floor. At the time I felt bad because I thought maybe she was trying to get more attention/time with me since I had the baby all day.
But then we got over it and it was fine.
Then it started up with monsters in the closet. We did the whole monster spray thing and cleaned out the closet. I got books about sleeping at night and how monsters are our friends (when the spray didn't work), etc. She stopped doing it when I firmly told her she was not sleeping in our bed, she needs to be in her bed, end of story.
And now we're here. For the last three weeks she wakes up every night, at least hourly, after 10pm until Matt goes to work at 4. Matt works long hours and he needs sleep. I am a complete bitch if I'm getting less than 8 hours and anything less than 6 makes me incoherent the next day.
But every night we get a variety of stories. The night before Christmas Eve things go bad when she woke up for the 5th time in one night to ask Matt a question and his reply was, "Oh hell fucking NO!" and he marched her right back up the stairs and told her he would put a lock on her door.
Well since then she's stopped coming down. Which you'd think would be good.
But it's not.
Because instead she's waking Jackson up and making him play with her. But Jackson is like me and needs a LOT of sleep to function. We discovered this activity last night when Matt thought the living room was too bright. Well, the light from upstairs was on and I thought for sure Matt was going to just fucking lose it. He is coming down with something and isn't feeling well and then the no sleep... it's getting to him. I had a migraine so I was changing out my ice packs again and Jackson told Matt "thank you, daddy" for getting Olivia out of his room.
She goes back in hers until he left at 4 and I heard her come back downstairs. She sat on the chair writing in her notebook until I got up at 6:30. I told her tonight she needs to stay in her room until I come and get her or she sees sunshine out her window or else we're going to start taking the favorite toys away.
Seriously. What the fucking frack man? When you have a new baby you have the countdown ON to when you can sleep through the night and aside from kids being sick or something weird happening, you just know it'll be like that forever. Except if you have a kid like Olivia. Who makes up stories, who refuses to listen to reason, and is the biggest effing drama queen ever. Really.
I'm so far at my end it's unbelievable. I feel like at this moment if she were to come down tonight I might duct tape her to the bed. I won't really but I want to. And poor Jackson- no wonder he's been irritable and lethargic for days. I thought he was growing, but no- he's being forced to play all night. Poor kid. That sucks.
And it's not just the non sleeping that's getting to me.
It's all of the fighting. The non-sharing. The bickering over who gets to sit on which side of the couch. Who got more chicken nuggets. Who puts who to bed (we take turns with the kids). Who got to go into the car first. Who screams louder. And it's just on and on.
On Saturday I had to spank both of them and put them both into timeout because they inevitably want the toy the other one has yet nobody is willing to fucking trade, they just want both, so there they are- both holding the toys, screaming and then the kicking starts. They start kicking, someone hit the tv, someone kicked a cat, and a bunch of movies fell off the shelf in the span of 10 seconds. Hell fucking no. I am not putting up with that kind of shit, so spankings, time out and both toys taken away. So the top of my refrigerator has become the Land of Taken Away Toys and they are gone for the week. And they both ask if they can play with them with the standard, "But we'll be good" which you know will NEVER happen. It's awful.
I look back and think- why the fuck did I even want kids? This is horrible. It's not fun. Sure, they're adorable and they have awesome moments with the random hugs/kisses/cuddles or they are funny when they tell you fantastic stories, etc. But most days I feel all of that is outweighed by the bad. And I hate going to bed feeling like, "Man alive- I can't wait to drop them off somewhere". I have major props to stay at home mom's because I've said since day one I could never do it. I just couldn't. I don't have the patience you need to deal with it. One kid isn't bad. It's a fucking walk in the park and I laugh when people freak out over a tantrum and they have one kid.
Seriously- add another one who screams just as loud and tell me how you like it now.
Tonight during dinner I had to just go in my room and shut the door. I told the kids I need a time out because they are driving me INSANE. And I did. I sat in here, cried for a good 15 minutes, and then went back out to make sure nobody has started a fire or something.
So to be on no sleep, dealing with the window drama and the insurance company who never calls back, and the vet who is now putting us into collections because we aren't paying fast enough, I just can't deal. I feel like checking out and hoping someone else deals with it all and then I can come back.