Thursday, January 6, 2011

Random things that are kind of annoying.

I realized this morning that I haven't been bringing you the news. And that's a fucking shame for you, but also it says something about me because I have almost completely stopped watching the news.

Whoopsy.

BUT! There are some random things that I've had an opinion on.

1. Taylor Swift: Ok. So she's got a broken heart because Jake Gyllenhall (or however you spell it) broke up. Sad day. But I hope Jake made her sign some kind of confidentiality agreement because you KNOW that will be on her next record. You know it. But I can't remember if I've said it or not but man fucking alive. I cannot handle her whiny schtick anymore. I can't. I think she's cute as a button but she can't sing live. She can't and I don't want any of you saying she can't. And then the whole Kanye song. Really? Where the hell is her manager in this? I don't know. It's irritating.

2. Underwear with a built in penis. They add two inches to your bulge. I'm sorry-- but that's false advertising and that's wrong. I've talked about Spanx and why I hate it and how I don't think it's flattering to women at all and you're stupid if you think it's really making you look better. I'm sorry but the truth hurts. You look stupid. But guys? Don't buy these. I'm serious. Don't do it unless you want to have a chick have an obvious look of disappointment when you come strutting out with the assistance. To put it in perspective... let's say you're out on a date with this girl with great boobs. You're staring at the boobs, you fantasize about how they will feel as you hold them, all of this. You take it back to your house, you're getting frisky and then you realize... they aren't real at all. She's wearing a water push up bra and she's really working with an A cup when the whole night you thought for sure she was at least a C, maybe even a D cup. I'm sorry- but doesn't it kind of kill it for you? Well it's the same thing for girls. If we are worrying all night that you're so big you might puncture an ovary and then when things start moving we're left worrying if you're even going to get in. It's not ok. It's not ok at all. Learn to work with what you have big g dog.

3. My webcam is being a bitch. Matt gave me an actual microphone and STILL it's like static and "wah wah wah" on it. WTF? So I'm going to have him show me exactly how he gets it to work and see what the fuck I'm doing wrong. Which is good because I am hoping to do my Dear Sara post tomorrow (at least part of it) via webcam. And speaking of- dudes! Get your questions in. You can ask me something, you can send me a "Dear Abby" type thing with a problem, or ask my opinion on something. Whatever you think of. Email me at: slinkies_r_us@hotmail.com and we'll be doing this every Friday. So if I get nothing... there will be no post. ;)

4. Have any of you been watching 16 and Pregnant? I've only seen half of the season AND I missed the fucking finale. But from the ones I have seen? Hot god damn messes. Thank god. And then I saw the preview for the new Teen Mom. OMG. Those girls are INSANE and mostly unfit. I can't wait to see-- I hope one of these episodes we see CPS step in. At least this season someone's parent is suing for custody. Thank god. Anyways. But have you been following any of the news? With the mom Amber who beat the crap out of ex-boyfriend Gary, in front of their daughter, who was arrested and now on bail? Yeah. I catch snippets. She's plum fucking crazy. She needs to have custody taken away. She says she just goes into rage and kind of "zones out". Um... right. Because that makes you fit to be around a toddler. Seriously drives me nuts to see people like that can have kids. You should have to have a license. I'm serious.

5. Oh- so are any of you watching Hoarders? If you're not, I suggest you do but don't be eating anything. Every once in awhile you'll get a glimpse of the "kitchen" or they pan to the hoarder person's feet. I don't know why because it's always enough to make you vomit. Anyways. On Monday I guess, there is a guy who has RATS up in his house. My mom said the preview showed the expert getting bit by a rat. And this guy thinks they are his pets. OMFG. Seriously barf in my mouth. I can't even handle it. I don't know if I can watch it. The lady with the 80-some birds was bad enough. I don't know if I can watch rats. Seriously- I'm gagging just thinking about it.

17 comments:

salgalruns said...

OMG - I love Hoarders. Such a guilty pleasure in a twisted kind of way. I'm amazed you watch it with all the kitty cats that they've found. UGH!!! Makes me feel insanely clean. Sort of like Biggest Loser makes me feel ultra petite.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

1. OMG I so need to catch up on my Perez! This will be a song for sure.

2. I've never really examined a mans "bulge". Am in the minority?

3. Will email you a question

4. I need to start watching more tv.

5. I've watched a few but haven't seen those ones. I DID see a lady at the Chinese food place get into a car that was PILED HIGH to the ceiling with crap in it everywhere but the driver's seat. No lie.

Tina said...

Loved the Hoarders. Just watched the one with the crazy lady living in a single wide trailer with a million chickens and a dude living with a couple dozen rabbits who have chewed through all the walls.

The kitchen shots are hilarious, especially when they are pouring out the produce bins of fridges that haven't worked in years. GAK!

Add this to the new "Strange Addictions" - eating toilet paper, Comet cleanser etc WTF

prettylittlereckless said...

you're hilarious. I saw those underwear things for guys and honestly- what guy would wear those? It would kill your game INSTANTLY. I would be rolling on the floor laughing if I saw a guy with those IRL.

Shirley said...

1. Taylor Swift has always made me crazy. I can't stand her voice or her innocent act. She will make me turn the radio off.
2. I would love to see a man actually try to rock these...so I can laugh in his face.
4. Did you watch the 16 and pregnant were the girl has an abortion? interesting.
5. Chris and I LOVE hoarders. Every time we watch it we have to clean our house and throw at least 3 things out.


Glad you are keeping us updated!

Danielle said...

I'm in the process of trying to figure out how to record my own voice on my computer to play stuff back. Technology can be great, but so freakin confusing!

16 and Pregnant has been nuts! I can't lie I'm excited to see how the custody thing between mother and daughter pans out. That girl was a little bitch last season, she popped that baby out and went right back to acting like she was a free teenager with no responsibility, then on top of it totally disrespected her mom and didn't appreciate the fact that she was doing EVERYTHING for her son!!!

Finally, HOARDERS?!?! OH EM GEE!!! The rats thing makes me want to vomit. I don't understand that nasty ass guy at all!!! I saw the commercial and freaked out! It's disgusting!!! Definitely will NOT be watching that episode!

AmberLaShell said...

Taylor swift is a whiney little bitch...

Annah said...

Taylor Swift is my cleaning music. I think she's cute but Jesus the girl has NO GRACE. NO GRACE WHATSOEVER. I saw her presenting yesterday at the People's Choice award and she was standing like there was a horse between her legs. I wanted to go up there and pet her and teach her how to stand. GOOD GOD. It was embarrassing to watch. She has no grace. No grace I tell you!

Okay. I've been drinking. Sorry :(

Also I think Jake Gyllenhaal is gay. That's just my hunch but maybe I'm wrong.

Love you, Sarita.

Anna @ The Owl and The Phoenix said...

Taylor Swift cannot sing. I don't know who is telling her she can, but they need to stop lying to her b/c she is making a fool of herself. That same person also needs to tell her she has to limit her fucking break-up songs to one per album - at MOST. Not gonna lie though, girl writes some catchy tunes. As long as I don't have to listen to her live or look at her skinny ass.

The rats Hoarders makes me so sad =( I had ratties for pet (and those rats in that ep. are domesticated, not wild rats) and they were the sweetest, smartest things. So sad that there are a zillion of them in that house. Ishy.

Sandra said...

Do I watch Hoarders? Every single episode is set to tape on our PVR!!!! I love watching people muck around in three feet of garbage.
As for your Taylor Swift comment, I laughed! How true is that! She keeps writing about her broken relationships. I think she dates just for music lyrics, the way same way I play Scrabble with my kids for blog fodder.

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Ugh, Taylor Swift. I actually kind of liked her. And I can't help but hum her songs. But really? I thought she was little miss innocent? So WTF is up with her jumping from guy to guy. And John Mayer? Really? And then she's surprised when he treats her like crap. Hello, he fucked over Jen Aniston. Really.

Barf.

The Mrs. said...

Okay. Hoarders. I was on a streak for a while, tip-toeing on addiction. Until....I saw an episode with this Jabba The Hut looking, gluttonous-queen of a woman with an unknown amount of cats. She mentioned several were "missing" and have been anywhere from 2months to 4 YEARS. They found them. All. Of. Them. Dead, smashed and basically petrified in filth. That show is good shiz...but that was hard to watch.

Penis underwear?? Sounds like a party to me. Ha!

SimplyStacia said...

Taylor Swift....needs to go. Away. Far away.

Just Plain Tired said...

Taylor Swift is cute, but too goody two-shoes to be real. Her snide songs prove that about ex boyfriends. Passive aggressive and insecure little girl comes to mind.

Brooke said...

Taylor Swift - You're right. She can't sing live. Her songs are boring.

Teen Mom - If ever there was an advertisement for condoms and why they should be available for irresponsible teenagers than that show is it.

Hoarders - I watch but I cringe. It's nasty and makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth every time I see it. It usually takes me two days to watch...get through half of it and then have to turn it off. Yuck. I always feel really bad for the animals that are caught up in the issue. Poor things...

Chicken said...

I think that I should buy a pair of those undies and freak out Mr. Chicken by wearing them. I'll tell him that pregnancy makes you grow a dick.

Dude, I can't even watch the commercials for Horders without feeling the need to shower.

____j said...

If you haven't seen the my strange addiction show on TLC...you should.