I decided that today I am not going to write a bitchy post. (Even though I have plenty to write about in a bitchy style that is all my own, including but not limited to: the plastic/tape not sticking to my window real well anymore, the I-Told-You-So moment from Matt's doctor appointment today, the giant crack in my living room wall which I WILL write about next week, the laundry sink shit that STILL is on hold, etc.)
Instead, I'm going to talk about Batman and Stumpy, our two cats who are fucking weird as hell. I thought Lenny was weird but no- these two outshine his crazy. Which is saying a lot. And a few of you have asked to see updated pictures of my fur babies.
So Batman... thinks he's a person. And clearly, he's not. But fun fact! If you take a shower and shut the door? Prepare to have all 4 pounds of fierce cat throwing his body against it until you open it. Why?
So he can join you in the fucking shower. Or bath.
But he's odd because his favorite thing? Is playing in the kitchen. he likes to rub himself along the cupboards.. back...
THEN, I think I mentioned we buried him under our apple tree. Our dining room windows look out onto the tree and Lenny used to sit in one window and watch birds and stuff. Well, Stumpy sits in the same spot every day for a long time, looks down where Lenny is buried and makes weird moaning/mewing sounds. It's creepy as shit. And Batman will look out the window but he starts pacing back and forth.
It's like creepy shit up in here peeps.
But today I'm trying to cook and fucking Stumpy thinks I'm a god damn tree and is constantly throwing himself at me, causing me to knock myself into the stove where I can go up in flames any minute. Well, clearly I can't pet him AND stir the pot of stew at the same time. His solution? To fucking JUMP onto me and hang on for dear life while his claws penetrate my back and side boob.
It's painful, yo.
And then I pick him up and he collapses on my chest with his legs all spread eagle like he hasn't seen me in weeks when in reality it's been maybe 5 hours. He's such a whore.