Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Bennie and the Jets, Obesity, and Steppin to the Oldies.

This morning when I went to my mom's house to drop the kids off she tells me that Elton John is coming for a concert in Duluth. To our pathetic new arena that only houses 7500 seats. And the tickets are anywhere from like $40-$150ish. Um, yes fucking please. So Monday morning my mission is to get a ticket for my mom and I. Obviously.. we won't be near the stage because hey- I don't have that kind of money laying around. But I do have a little bit left over from taxes. I am not a huge fan, but I know the songs, can sing along to most everything, and let's face it- he's a fucking legend. I won't have many opportunities to see legends in my lifetime so I'm taking it. So that's exciting.

Then I have to tell you I'm concerned about Stumpy. Stumpy is going to be one in like March or April (I can't remember) and he is fat. Like.. maybe he should be on the fuckmill too. This morning he jumps on me, stinking like the litter box, meowing in my face. This is his "Mom- you can see the bottom of the bowl and we're dying. Literally DYING" tactic.

I go into the kitchen and ok, you can see the bottom. I will give him that. I fill the bowl up (him and Batman have to share it) and put fresh water into the two bowls we have for that. I turned around and notice Stumpy laying on his side and eating the food off the floor, after he scoops it out. Um, WTF? Seriously. You aren't even one and you can't handle standing up to eat your food? Fucking fattie.

My cat will be on that show Heavy. Have you seen that show? I have like no sympathy for the fat people on there. I'm sorry, but I don't. I know that it must be really awful to be so fat. I get it. But I just don't have the sympathy for a person who refuses to do something. Like, put down your 3rd hamburger in one meal? Huh? Try that. Or how about you walk. I know your knees hurt but HEY.. maybe if you exercised.. you'd lose the weight. Hey. Novel idea. This is basically how I feel about it:



So I'm looking at Stumpy in disgust. I have to buy him some more cat toys or something. He doesn't care for balls or fake mice. Not even real mice since we have one in here- I know I saw it even if Matt says I'm nuts, I know I saw it-Stumpy was just sitting there. So I don't know. My mission is to get my cat to do some cardio or something.

And I was contemplating all of that while on my stair stepper. By the time I did 100 steps I thought I was going to die. My knees and thighs BURNED. That's terrible. It's almost embarrassing to put out there. But I've talked about vaginas and such so actually maybe it's not. But the point is- I exercised today. Which is already more than I did last week. So this week I'm up to 2 workouts. Woot. And some of you have emailed and asked what music I've been working out to, and honestly- it's my new Cage the Elephant cd. If you haven't gotten it, I recommend it. Here are two I know all the words to so far. :)





Also.. I need some more questions for Dear Sara this week. Email me at: sarastrand9438(AT)hotmail(DOT)com.

OK. So I'm off to do some laundry (ooh... thrilling) and putting my Martha hat on and making classroom treats for my kids' classrooms. AND putting the finishing touches on a baby gift to get mailed. Exciting shit homies.

12 comments:

Dana Leigh said...

I've seen Elton John in concert and he's great. Not a huge fan like you but you'll know so many songs and like you said, he's a legend. Great job on exercising today!

Jandy xx said...

you and your ma, me and mine, we'd so rock the elton concert, could you imagine?!!!

Oilfield Trash said...

If you get the cat on the fuckmill, you had better video tape it on post it here.

prettylittlereckless said...

I'm really liking the second song :) and dammit I think I need that stair stepper thing because I could use some cardio while watching tv or something.

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Is he as fat as Metro? Wait, did you actually see Metro? I don't remember. Anyway, Metro eats laying down. It's so sad. AND he's been puking a lot. So I'm convinced he has an eating disorder. So gross.

The Simple Dude said...

Fat cats are funny.. fat people, not so much. People (like many of us) who could stand to lose a few pounds are one thing - but those people on Heavy are out of control. I'm like you... there were plenty of warning signs along the way and they ignored them over and over and over again. Now it's to the point where they either lose weight or die young.

I've seen Elton 3 or 4 times... always entertaining.

SD
TheSimpleDude.com

Ruth said...

One of my cats has always laid down when drinking. Sometimes eating too but mostly when drinking her water.
We always just call her lazy.
I never knew another cat to do that.

Just Plain Tired said...

I haven't been to a concert in years. Ticket prices have definitely gone up in that time. Ricky Gervais is pretty funny.

AmberLaShell said...

wow, elton john? that is awesome.. Also, I like fat cats, they are so fun to watch...

You have been tagged, check it out at this link here

SpiritPhoenix said...

Growing up we had a fat cat too. We used to take her to the bottom of the hill behind our house and let her go. She was so deathly afraid of being outside she would sprint up to the house. Didn't keep up with it much, but it was something.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

I have one cat who lays down and embraces the food bowl when he eats. He hugs it to him possessively the whole time.

He's huge too.

Asha said...

Open up a can of tuna fish and make his ass chase you around the house.
http://www.ashafullife.blogspot.com