I was going to post this for tomorrow, but because I haven't had the time (not the energy) to take pictures of birthday stuff for my post, I'm going to switch it up. And it actually works out because tomorrow will be my LAST post about birthday stuff (for at a year-ish) and it'll be when I announce the winners of my giveaway.
What giveaway? Oh yeah- that super duper awesome Sara's-Favorite-Things Giveaway that you should have entered because you want to be cool. If you haven't (we'll point and mock you) you can still do so. But today is the last day. Swearsies.
Anyways. So next Tuesday I am supposed to put this book review up for The Map of True Places by Brunonia Barry and I will. But the book got me thinking and I didn't want to put my observations in with the review because then it gets LONG and I have a feeling the majority of my readers maybe have ADD. And that's ok. So I'm splitting it up. But I will say that I encourage you to come back and read the review because.. while I'm not totally finished with the book (will be in about 20 minutes or so after finishing this post) it's going to be good.
The book is basically about relationships and how a person goes with the ebb and flow of a normal relationship's course and then what happens when major events change them. So, you have a woman who witnessed her mother die from a suicide, maybe or maybe not because of the father's relationship with another man. But then from that her life makes it hard for her to be emotionally connected with people. Then you have other people who are no longer friends because of a mistake/misjudgment/error of another and who are never able to look past that and move on. So, that is kind of a quick snippet of the book without really giving too much away.
It makes me wonder.. why do people hold grudges? I mean, really, what's to gain from it? The person you're angry at likely doesn't even care or know why you are angry with them- and you're left being angry for no reason. What's the point? You see so often that people who have a history of failed relationships (either family, friend, or romantic) who just keep doing the same thing over and over again blaming other people for the failing of that relationship. Wouldn't a normal person eventually say, "Hey... maybe it's me? Maybe I'm the one to blame?" It's confusing to me how people who have so few friends, or so few close family members, are always quick to blame others when really, it was probably them. It was probably them all along.
So then I was watching Dr. Phil reruns. Because, judge me all you want, I like the damn show. I may not always agree, but these people need help. Anyways. Well this lady brings her family on the show because they favor the older sister or whatever and she's sick of it. Yet, while she's talking about this, it's pretty clear that she's a selfish, whining, baby who just starts drama all the time. No WONDER her parents didn't invite her on the vacation. (Except that IS kind of cold. But after seeing her on the show for 10 minutes I didn't want to hear her voice any more either.) So essentially, she's making a "her or me" argument just because she doesn't get her way, or people don't agree with her drama making gossip, or whatever she's doing. That's crazy.
I remember when I was younger I got into a fight with my friend. And it was over something stupid, I used too much of her hairspray. And she was REALLY mad at me. Of course, I thought she was mad about something else and I remember talking to my mom and being really mad that my friend was really mad. So my mom was like, "So.. why don't you just apologize? Maybe if you just said you were sorry and were sincere, it'd be ok." Clearly my mom was crazy. But I did anyways because hello- I needed a group to sit with at lunch. (Elementary school is brutal folks. You have to have a lunch crowd.) And it worked. My friend was totally fine and just told me not to use all her hairspray. Cool. I mean, it's a stupid thing to fight over but it was 5th grade- it's not like we had serious things to worry about. But that was probably the first time I ever apologized to someone, and really meant it, and so it was definitely a learning moment for me.
So as an adult, I have always tried my best to be open and honest when I feel like my friend or family member did something that made me mad or upset. And I've always tried to be sincere and honest when I know I've done something to upset them and apologize. And I feel like once an issue is discussed, that should be the end of it. Matt and I learned that through marriage counseling once you fight about something- it's done. You can't EVER bring it up again. Period. Say your peace or hold it forever. And then once you discuss it and work it out, not only do you not bring it up or hold it over someone (whether you were right or wrong) but you also don't rehash it with other people like friends and stuff. And that's hard. I've been guilty of not following through on that sometimes but I really, REALLY try to catch myself.
But as I read this book and I hear the dramas going on with people and I watch TV and I read stupid shit on Facebook and everything else... why doesn't anyone else do this? Why is it so hard to just be honest and open with people? Why do people hold grudges and keep drama alive? Is it really worth losing a friend or family member over? I mean, how many families have been divided because of a stupid fight?
It just seems crazy to me and I don't understand. Maybe that comes with age. I don't know. I spent the better part of this afternoon thinking about this and wondering how the book will end with all the characters, but then trying to figure out how I can relate to it in my own life.
But what are your thoughts? Why do you think people hold grudges, keep drama alive, etc? Have you dealt with family or friend things like this? How did it end?