Sunday, April 17, 2011

If I don't say it now, I may ultimately kill someone.

Let me start by saying that my family is fabulous. (At least 85% of the time.) And I want it made clear that Matt is a really hard worker. He works a lot of hours, he puts up with my non stop "can we get a sheep? How about a goat? Just think of the possibilities of a llama!" questioning that he takes day in and day out. The fact that he's survived being with me for this long is a testament to either his absolute patience or lack of hearing. And maybe it's both.

And my kids are super. They are smart, they are funny, they are lively, they are imaginative. These are all good things.

Now that we've moved on from the disclaimer, let's move on to the things that are putting me on the brink of becoming an alcoholic this weekend:
  • I am currently on load 13 of laundry. I am really sick and fucking tired of doing laundry. Now, yesterday I was almost caught up. If I finish it, I'm taking a picture of the empty hampers. But right before bed Matt "cleaned out his Jeep" (more on that) and brings me seriously, two loads of super filthy sweatshirts, shirts, and things I think were pants at one point. TWO LOADS. Which is what I'm doing tomorrow. Why can't he bring them in every day??
  • His Jeep is disgusting. I know it's his vehicle and it's not the nicest thing on the block, but seriously. I won't even ride in it because the smell is awful and your feet rests on garbage. All kinds of garbage. He's like a hoarder- but in his vehicle. Even the kids complain about Daddy picking them up because it is dirty. Now, when a 5 and 3 year old complain about a mess? You know you have a problem.
  • After doing laundry, folding it, organizing it, I make Olivia put her own clothes away. She's 5 and more than capable. I go in there this morning, and I see she balled everything up and shoves it in. Doesn't even open the drawer all the way. *sigh*. So I get to refold everything. Again.
  • Then I go to put Jackson's stuff away. Matt put some away last night, so that was nice. Jackson's top drawer is his sock/underwear drawer. And if anyone remembers the tour of my house, you'll remember that I like things neat and tidy. I have systems. Easy systems. His drawer is organized as such: unmatched socks to the left, underwear in the middle, paired socks on the right. Easy. Except nobody gets this but me. NOBODY. Not even Matt, my 30 year old husband who is familiar with my crazy and my systems.
  • Matt has this annoying habit of breaking the bar of soap in half. I don't think there has ever been a time when he hasn't done this.
  • When I go grocery shopping, I often go alone. I leave Matt here with the kids and I have never been gone for more than an hour. I'm usually in and out because I hate doing it, so on average, it's about 30 minutes I'm gone. Every single fucking time I come home, Matt locks the door. WHY? Why, jeebus, why? He knows I'm going to be right back loaded with bags. He knows that our door lock sucks shit so you need to hands to use it. He always falls asleep knowing I won't even be gone for an hour. Why. Then he never understands why I'm so pissed off when I'm trying to get the door unlocked, swearing on my front porch, loaded down with bags because I have small porch and if I set them down they all knock over into the grass or sidewalk.
  • Why is when I say "stop running", my kids still run. Why is it that they think I should feel sympathetic when *surprise* they were running and either trip on something, run into each other, or slam into a wall? I'm sorry. I just can't. Especially after I've been saying the "stop running right now!!!" bit for awhile. I'm a bad mom.
  • Why is Batman chewing qtips and leaving them on the floor for me to step on and feel like I've stabbed myself each and every morning?
  • Why is it that when I ask Matt to get the stroller out of the garage for me, he gets pissy and "forgets"? It's not like I can go and get it because the garage is an episode straight out of Hoarders and even if I could get in there, there is no way I can move enough stuff to get the fucking stroller out. But instead, I will go wherever it is I'm going without the stroller, wish I had it the entire time, and then yell at Matt when I get home.
  • And then?? When I tried to sit down last night to get ideas on what he wants to do when we are in Vegas because I'm trying to plan... I get the "whatever" routine. Really? Because when I say "whatever" to something he asks, he gets pissy.
  • Pet Peeve 256476: when he stands behind me when I'm on the computer. I hate being watched, and he's just curious. I think this is his way to be interested in what I'm doing, but it's annoying as fuck. He just stands here and I have to usually say "please go away" and then he gets mad because I don't want to spend time with him. You're right. I don't really fucking feel like watching Antiques Roadshow. Or Pawn Stars. Or Holmes on Homes.
Oh help me baby jeebus. I clearly need to get back onto anti depressants or something. It's like every.single.thing this weekend is sending me over the edge. Then? This morning? I'm taking Jackson and Olivia to see the Easter Bunny and then we also have Jackson's 3 year old pictures and Olivia's 5 1/2 year pictures because I forgot to do those in September. Well, really I was too broke. But I'm going to do them now. Anyways. So I leave the kids unattended for a few minutes so I could pee and brush my teeth, and guess who has marker all over his hands and face? Jackson.

FML.

25 comments:

ixy said...

Ooh that computer thing drives me nuts too. I've had to tell DH flat out that I don't want OMG he is doing it RIGHT FREAKIN NOW!!!

ixy said...

Anyways. As I was saying, I completely agree that reading over the shoulder thing is maddening. What I'm writing isn't a secret, but I don't like being watched while I'm writing it.

ShanimalsCrackers.blogspot.com said...

Dirty/disgusting cars are THE WORST. I know because my bro and sis each have their own stanky cars with crap loaded everywhere. They stink, are disgusting, and I can't bear to be in them. My car, on the other hand, is always perfectly vacuumed, with no garbage, or anything.

Hope things start looking up for you. Maybe eat some chocolate?

Oilfield Trash said...

I can't stand people who do the over the should shit. There is a guy at work who will stand behind me while I am eating my lunch and also reading the paper who will just stand there and read my fucking paper over my shoulder. I always tell him if god wanted you to read my fucking paper while I am eating then he would have made you ask permission or he would have me a hump back with you attached to my back. The guy never learns. IT pisses me off no end.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

I hope he was standing behind you when you were typing that last bullet point. Oh the irony!

Bubble bath, glass of wine, some nice music, and a LOCK ON THE DOOR. Threaten to stab anyone who interrupts you with a grapefruit spoon.

Good luck. :D

Rancher Mom said...

I hate loaning my car to RH, because it can be perfectly detailed down to the last dashboard nook and he brings it back looking like he just went 4-wheeling with the windows down through the nearest landfill! (Our kids bitch about it too!) It's a big pet peeve when you go to get in or out of the car and shit falls out....oy!

Little things have been getting on my nerves lately too, maybe it's just a combination of spring and allergies.

Good luck on the laundry Sara, I haven't been caught up since 2008, so I hope for you that you can get ahead on it!!

SherilinR said...

back when i had a car that was only mine & mine alone, there was a little bit of stuff, but nothing digusting in it. then i had to start sharing wheels with my husband & now my van is a filthy pit. it's a mobile storage unit for everything that doesn't fit in my house. yuck!

vickilikesfrogs said...

I just choked on my coffee when I read ixy's comment!!!

I have days (weeks, months) like that, hon, and I don't know why they do the stupid shit either. My husband drives me batshit when he's on his computer and asks me how to spell a word and I tell him and he says, yeah that's what I thought. No it's not! If that was what you thought, you wouldn't have asked ME! Ahem. Men can be dumbasses sometimes. But ya gotta love 'em.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

This is why mom's drink.

I like things organized like that too. But you have to realize that it's not worth stressing over. One time I sat and refolded all the underwear and socks in my daughter's drawer. I got up for something, came back and she had dumped it all out. That's about the day I gave up on that lol.

Ruth said...

My kid is 14 and she still just shoves clothes in the drawers. It looks awful. I just don't even look in her drawers anymore.
When she was younger, I asked her why do I even fold them and told her I wouldn't anymore if she was going to just wad them up but I lied because I can't not fold laundry. It's like a disease. If there is clean laundry sitting in a basket, I must fold it.
My husband also locks the door all the time. He has even locked me out when I was just in the garden so no key. Lovely!

KatieSue said...

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who has these days :) It's amazing that these people that we love so much can annoy the piss out of us huh? When you find the cure, let me know ok?

http://imnotblogworthy.blogspot.com/

prettylittlereckless said...

LOL...... oh my... the marker thing is kinda funny. As for the rest- I think we all get pissed off at general everyday things and it's not because life is shitty, it just builds up and you need to vent.

Deeds said...

it sounds like you are in dire need of a mental health day/alone time. maybe the kids need to have a spend the night with your mom and you can relax while matt's at work. and just have a day to catch your breath.

Katie P said...

I can't handle ANYONE oogling when I'm at the computer or looking at pictures or a magazine! GET THE FUCK AWAY!!!! will u come organize my drawers?

middle child said...

SHUT. THE. DOOR! I clicked on a few links and read many things I could have written myself! If I one day decide to do a pet peaves/husband edition(why does that word look wrong?), it will be the easiest thing I ever write. My fingers will just fly across the keys.

Jo-Anne Mother and Nanna said...

I hate people reading over my shoulder also and I hate messy cars Tim's van is like that maybe not as bad as Matt's jeep but it is pretty bad.

Oh you for got to mention how men like to sit and make stupid smart ass comments during a show we are interseted in but if we did it while they are watching some of the dribble they watch they would get pissy with us.

I hate it when someone other then me gets the clothes of the line as I like to fold the clothes as I take them off but no one else seems to get that they just throw the clothes in heap in the basket and wonder why I get pissed when I have to sort them out, I hate ironing and clothes thrown in basket makes more ironing for me.

Kathy English said...

Visiting from Lady Bloggers. How can I resist a title like "Smart Ass Sara"?

I know exactly what you mean, re: locking the door. My spouse likes to turn the deadbolt too, which is a real bitch to unlock - and of course, it's always when I have my arms overfull of grocery bags.

With my husband, it isn't the bar of soap that bugs me. It's the "just a dribble of shampoo left in the bottle" syndrome. Like, I'm the ONLY PERSON IN THE FREAKING HOUSE WHO KNOWS HOW TO THROW AWAY AN EMPTY SHAMPOO BOTTLE. He just blissfully goes on to the next full bottle. . . .

And let's not even talk about toothpaste.

Ang said...

hopefully you're just PMSing and this will all work itself out and your routine will be back soon!
I'm beginning to learn some ways that Steve does things and I'm forever asking him 'baby, you see how crazy I am, do you not love me anymore and want me to move out?' It's true - and all women are like this. I feel your pain for the 'forgetting' stuff - though I straight up ask Steve if he's paying attention.

Why on God Green Earth does Matt break bars of soap in half?! I just don't get that.

Amy said...

UGH! And while they look over your shoulder (while on the computer) they say ... "Who is that?" I am required to turn around and say ... "Why the fuck do you care? You don't know any of my FB friends so BACK OFF!!!" I will NEVER go off my Effexor or there definitely will be bloodshed.

Mama Wants This said...

Hi Sara, first timer here on your blog and I likey! As to your rants, I feel you sistah. I too, have a system of organizing in the home. Which is why the hubby is not allowed to ever, ever, meddle with it. Which is why I end up doing everything most of the time! Instead of hovering, he likes to stand in front of me while I type, or read, or generally look uninterested, until I look up and ask him what he wants. Why do men do that?

You need some time off! Take it!

thehubbydiaries said...

Stopping by (late from the tea party) from LBS.. and I'm loving this post today.

Simply because I can soooo sympathize!

First, I friggin HATE laundry and second, my family is fabulous about 82.3% of the time. So, looks like you have me beat.

I am jealous! :-)

Nikolett said...

Oh man, I hope your Vegas vacation comes in a blink of an eye and lasts what seems like a month, with Matt being obedient to every single idea and plan you have made. You deserve a break, m'lady. I will gladly let you seek shelter in my humble home in Canada haha :)

Jen @ Dear Mommy Brain said...

My Matt was so diligent about cleaning the cat box until I got preggo and couldn't do it. Now he is completely incapable of picking up a poop scoop. WTF? (However in his defense, he cleans up the dog poop in the yard...)

G said...

13 loads of laundry???? wow you have the stamina of an old style greek hero...the 2nd one would have killed me off

Natacha said...

I hate it when my husband stands behind me... it just bugs me, not sure why... it just does?! 13 loads of laundry... seriously?! Take it easy... ;)