Seriously folks. Today has been the topper of a hellacious week.
It started as soon as I woke up to Batman and Stumpy wrestling on my chest. These cats are gaining a lot of weight and having them wrestle made me feel like one of my lungs was going to collapse.
Then I wake up to find that Jackson peed all over the bathroom floor again. He used to care and make an effort to clean it up. Usually with whatever piece of clothing Matt left on the floor. Nope. He's over it. So I stepped into a puddle of piss first thing. He also put his soaking wet pajamas in the cupboard under the sink. I don't know why, but there they were.
At breakfast time Jackson decided he was going to dump his orange juice all over the floor I mopped last night. And then slosh it around because you know- it's like a puddle then.
After breakfast we went upstairs so I could shower and get ready for the day- which was a useless effort. I look and feel exhausted so I'll not be winning any beauty awards but I might end up on What Not To Wear since hi- I refuse to iron my jeans today and it's obvious.
When I was done making an attempt with my face, I went into Olivia's room to find her pulling her pants up. Our convo went like this:
M: Olivia, what are you doing?
O: Putting fresh underwears on.
M: Why- what's wrong with what you had on.
O: I don't know.. I just wanted fresh.
M: (not buying this for a minute) Olivia- WHERE are your underwear?
O: In the hamper, MOM!
M: Let's check. (I know they aren't in there because I would have noticed her going in there)
O: (reluctantly) Where did they go?
M: I don't know, you tell me. Where are they?
O: Hmm.. maybe in the downstairs hamper!
M: Olivia- I know they aren't in there because that one is empty. You have exactly 3 seconds to get your underwear otherwise I will be taking the Barbies away. RIGHT NOW.
O: (Runs to her room, retrieves crumpled up underwear from behind a chair) Here they are.
M: OK, let me see them. (Discover they have poop in them. See the red mist behind my eyes and have to slowly count to ten before I lose my temper)
M: You are going to go directly to the bathroom and sit on the toilet until you poop. I'm serious. I don't care if you are there all stinking day- you DO NOT GET OFF until you have pooped.
*fast forward exactly 43 minutes*
I then punished her for flat out lying to me. Seriously. I'm so pissed I can't even take it. I know I'm PMS'ing and I'm not having a good day. She is almost six... what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK, people. I'm so over her and her poop issues and just not feeling like going because hey- she's busy- it's ridiculous.
Then we go out for lunch because I was going to get gas and then stop at the library and the post office. They did SO WELL at lunch. They always do, but after this morning I'd be lying if I wasn't thinking of good punishments for crappy behavior the entire drive. They do great at the post office and while waiting for me to pump my measly $20 in gas ($3.99/gallon.... that sucks.) that I hope will get me through to next Saturday. At the library though, Jackson threw a FIT because I wouldn't let him take a chapter book home. Hi- the kid can't read. He already had 3 books and 1 movie in the stack (that's each kid's limit) and he's freaking out. It was right then that I decided that when we got home? I'm leaving them with Matt and going to the mall. Broke or not, this mom needs away from these children.
We made it home. He cried the entire way saying I was bossy. Olivia was yelling at me because we weren't doing crafts when we got home.
So I dropped them off and went to the mall with my mom. I got two summer dresses for Vegas and then I got new lotion and a free one at Bath & Body, a hilarious card for a friend as a surprise, and a shirt for my Milwaukee trip with my friend. All under $50. So that was nice.
And because I went shopping, you should too. I just put these up in my Etsy shop today: (buy them HERE)