So this last Sunday was Mother's Day and it was a pretty good day overall. Although I don't drink, staying out until after bar close on Saturday made me feel hung over. Which wasn't good because I was still exhausted from Friday night's festivities. Matt usually never does anything for me on Mother's Day so I sent him out to his parent's house to spend the day with his mom, and he brought the kids with. (They were excited since one of my in-law's whore cats had kittens again.) I had brunch with Amy, brought my brother food that probably made his hangover worse while he was at work, and then hung out with my mom.
BUT Matt did get my flowers. And this was what they looked like for the first 30 minutes. Then the cats ate them.
This is a complete win for me.
Because even though I go out and am able to hang out with my friends a lot, I am with the kids a LOT more than Matt. To his credit, Matt usually works 4 am until 4 pm Monday-Friday, then works almost every Saturday (it's rare that he's off on a Saturday) and every other Sunday. For him to have almost 80 hours in a week isn't unusual. And some days he doesn't take a lunch or break at work, goes in at 3, sometimes stays later, sometimes works really late on a Saturday, etc but he really, REALLY likes his job. I don't worry that he'll work himself into the ground because he gets excited to go to work. And honestly? We all benefit from not just his paychecks (which allow us to not have credit card debt.. FINALLY) but him being happy when he comes home.
With that being said, that means I deal with about 80% of the kid duties. All of the tantrums, the fighting, the throwing, the hitting, the spilling of drinks on everything, coloring on walls, coloring on my couch, picking up the toys, laundry, cleaning, etc. Almost all of it is mine, all mine. And honestly? Some days I feel like a machine. And some days I just look at them and their cuteness and it's OK.
So despite the fact that some days I struggle, some days I feel like driving away as fast and as far as possible, some days I cry because I'm so frustrated and I have no fucking clue as to what I'm doing and some days I get so pissed off at Matt for YET AGAIN trashing the house right after I spent my entire Saturday cleaning it.... I figure there is nothing else in my life that will have any tangible reward like being a mom. Someday I'll watch my kids grow up and have careers and families of their own. And someday I hope my kids look back and think I did a good job. But I don't know. Because honestly I have not a damn clue what I'm doing and I feel grossly unprepared. I never put thought into how hard raising a human being is.
To all of my friends with babies on the way and the ones in the trenches of motherhood now? You have not one thing to complain about. The work you are doing is easy ass compared to toddler hood and beyond. Try explaining to a kid why they can't do something without using the "just because" line. I mean, really think about that kind of stuff. I have no idea why we can't wear underwear on our head. I have no good reason. And I'm not going to lie- I am terrified of Olivia entering school all day. It's like she isn't really mine anymore, you know? She'll be influenced by other kids and she'll experience things without me. All I can do now is hope that my nagging is helping her make good choices. Ugh.
Anyways. So it was a good Mother's Day for me. I hung out with my mom and that's fun. My brother and I bought her tickets to see Sheryl Crow (post on that tomorrow) and a pedicure (which I get to get one too.. woo hoo!). Oh, and my already eaten flowers. They were lovely.
So before I sign off.... if you want a Dear Sara post this Friday you need to send me questions ASAP to sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com. They can be of anything- questions about me, your problems answered by me, or if you want my opinion on something. Anything, something. Funny or serious. Giddy up.