Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Chelsea Wasn't All That.

I know I told you that I was going to see Chelsea Handler in Minneapolis this past Saturday and I did. And before I get into this review I want to make sure you know I'm not biased. I was a huge fan of Chelsea's show, her books and overall thought she was really hilarious.

So before the show Amy found out that Chelsea sings books after her shows. After hearing this we decided we'd both stop off at a Target and get a copy of the book so we could have it signed. Her and I met up in Roseville for some light shopping and dinner before the show. The traffic is always kind of crazy down by the Target Center so we barely made it before it started. Like, I usually don't get worried about traffic too much but I was literally having a mini freak out as we sat through two entire light changes without moving. BUT we totally got there and it wasn't like we had to run to our seats or anything so that was nice.

Pet peeve number one: if you say a show starts at 8pm, start the fucking show at 8pm. I have never been to a concert that has ever started late (thankfully) but as I read reviews online after this show I'm finding that seeing a comedian almost guarantees they will start late. As far as I'm concerned doing these shows are a part of your job. If you don't happen to like the hours of your job, find a new one. Because let me tell you what- if I was regularly late for my job? My ass would be fired.

Probably one of the funnier moments is when "Born This Way" played as Brad's opening song. I guess they all get to pick their opening song except him. Chelsea told him that had to be his song. Which is kind of hilarious if you have seen the show and kind of know a little bit about Brad. And his bit was just ok for me. I think the funniest part of his whole thing was when he was talking about how he's married and how no girl ever grows up thinking THAT is what their future husband will look like. Which, true story. And then when he talked about how awful condoms are in general, but particularly if you aren't an attractive person because there is that window of time while he's putting it on that the woman can back out. So... those are the two things from his skit that I remember.
And then Heather came on. I have to say... I kind of can't stand Heather. Not only do I think she isn't funny but she looks weird. Is she having plastic surgery? Because her cheekbones are getting more and more pronounced and she's bordering on the edge of looking like a chipmunk. Actually, she fell off that cliff awhile ago. But her deal is this weird singing. Her impersonations are really good but the singing has got to stop.
And Josh. *swoon* I am a big fan of Josh not only because he's really quite adorable and delicious but because he's funny. His bit was probably the most genuine and by far the funniest for me. Plus, watching him swagger across the stage helped. Is it wrong that I wanted him to go topless like he did for the topless roundtable on Chelsea Lately? Because that would have probably made the night for me.
 Pet peeve number two: If you are going to show up late to work, try to be sober. I totally get how some people maybe get some stage nerves and like to have a drink or two before going on. And that's ok. But let's not come practically stumbling out looking like you've just finished throwing up in a moving vehicle. Because let's just look at Chelsea:
 I know at some point I asked Amy if that was a wig because her hair was jacked up. Like, brush it. Wash it. Do something with it so you at least look a little more put together. Basically her set was really lame. Not only did most of the jokes not make any sense but some of them she slurred through it. The only highlight of her set were her jokes about her relationship with 50 cent. But aside from that, it was all rather lame. It didn't seem like she put any time into it at all and just kind of fumbled her way through the entire set. Probably one of the more awkward moments was some joke about having sex with babies? Neither Amy nor I really understood it but the crowd didn't really get it as a whole either. Oh- it was also weird because she started laughing while trying to tell the joke... well before the punch line.
Pet peeve number three: if you insist on getting drunk at any kind of show, please wear flat fucking shoes so you don't stumble all over the place and spill your beer every where.

Overall the show was a waste of money. I'm glad I got to spend time with Amy again because I always have a good time with her though. The real downer was after the show I started looking at other reviews to see if our show was just a fluke but no. It apparently isn't. Most of her shows get low star ratings and some guy who saw her LAST tour listed some of the jokes (which were the same from the tour before THAT) that we heard. So basically, she's doing the same set every year. Which makes me wonder if her show is funny because she happens to have great writers. And if that's the case, Chelsea you better just stick with the E! network because you can't do better than what you're doing there. Sorry.

The real pisser though? Is the book signing. In order to have your book signed you have to have a red wristband. You can only get that wristband if you buy the book at her merch table at the venue. Which is a higher price than you'll pay at a store because most stores offer a discount on new releases for about the first month of so. And frankly? I said to Amy that Chelsea was so drunk she'd never sign all of the books anyways and it wasn't worth it.
So save your money lambwhores and just watch her show on E!. It's much funnier than her live show and your purse won't get soaked in beer. Hopefully.

16 comments:

Oilfield Trash said...

You are the second person I know who has said that they were not impressed with her live show.

Deeds said...

the other night while watching chelsea lately for the first time in months the hubs said "Is it me or is she getting less funny?"
me: "Not you"
I guess i'm just over her.

Holly Diane said...

I can barely sit thru her show in E! so this just confirms what I already thought of her.

Jo-Anne Rambling said...

Hey Sara tell us what you really think.......lol

It would really suck going to a show and thinking I paid money for this....

Saucy B said...

bummer. that's a shame that the show was so disappointing. glad you enjoyed time with your friend though.

Jandy xx said...

i know it's not the point of the post, but damn you look good in that last pic! love you, miss you xx

prettylittlereckless said...

we are sexy bitches. look at that pic of us!!!! :)

Chelsea = lame.

I think we need to make an announcement we're taking over the Keyport for a night of comedy and we're both getting a little trashed beforehand and we'll STILL be funnier than Chelsea. But not funnier than Josh. Because he's just funny... and hot. YUM.

Karls said...

Oh that sucks! I enjoy the show but have never had the opportunity to see her live... and now, I won't bother! Thanks gig whore!

C said...

What is wrong with her shirt in that first pic? Her hair and shirt combined make her look sort of like a Vegas hooker.

On the other hand, Jandy is write, you look adorable in that last pic. :-D

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I've never watched her show and don't know who any of those people are but that really sucks that it was so bad! How disappointing!

Ang said...

I've never watched her show - and I honestly don't know much about her - so I can't really say anything but, I'm sorry that it was a waste of your time and money!

PorkStar said...

Sounds like a lot of trouble just going to her show, watching it and then trying to understand her jokes.

AmberLaShell said...

Wow, that makes me sad that I bought those two tickets... The show is here next weekend.. Maybe I should think about selling them on ebay or something... What do you think? Also, that sucks about the signing, I already bought the book and read it.

Dana Leigh said...

What a bummer. I've never seen her show and way before she was popular I read a book of hers (My Horizontal Life) and I just never got into her. I know this sounds sexist but I don't find women as funny as men.

____j said...

This really disappoints me. Not that I think I would go to a Chelsea Handler show [at least not anytime soon]. But I love her. And her books. I'm not a big fan of Brad or Heather, either, but I do love Josh. And I OFTEN find myself wondering wtf is up with her hair [(and sometimes her clothes?) when I'm watching her on TV]. I mean COME ON you know she has a stylist.

LynC said...

Now I always think she is drunk on here show. She isn't funny, she's mean. I liked her there for awhile.