It's officially summer for me. The two markings of this are obviously my first sunburn of the year and the first end of a school year. That's right, Olivia graduated 4K (otherwise known as four year old Kindergarten/Pre-K) a few weeks ago and it feels weird.
Like, in my head I know she's got to grow up sometime. In my head I know that this is the first of many academic achievements for her and that I just need to get used to it. Except I can't because it feels like all of the hard work it's taken to get to this point means nothing. Nothing because it feels like all of the really hard stuff is to come. So never mind all the times I cried because I felt like a terrible mom, all the times I was up through the night trying to get her to go back to sleep, all of the time outs and temper tantrums. I look back over the last five years and I feel like I've been through a war. And it's terrifying because I feel like I haven't even had a warm up to the real battles that are coming. Does that make sense?
So I contemplated all of this while my baby graduated.
go back and look at her first day of preschool and you'll see such a difference.
In my head I know this is how it is for every parent but I'm struggling with it. I feel like every day she grows more and more independent and further away from me. I've heard that once they start real school it's like they aren't even yours anymore. They are so influenced by everyone else other than you and sometimes it's hard to reconcile that. As much as I hope for her to grow up and how I can't wait to see what kind of woman she'll grow up to be, there's a bigger part of me screaming I'm not ready. But alas.. I don't have a choice. She starts Kindergarten in the fall and I'm nervous already.
But I've had people ask me if I would recommend a preschool/Kindergarten readiness class and I say yes. Sure, some of the kids were weird. One of the boys was a biter. Some of the kids have no discipline at home or were rather unruly. But at the end of the day... that's just life. You'll get these people in the work place someday (hopefully not the biter? Unless you're into that kind of thing I suppose.) and my kids have to learn how to work with weirdos. Because fact is? Most people are weirdos. And I will tell you that she has changed dramatically in a lot of ways, primarily her self confidence and how outgoing she is. Surprisingly, she learned far more in 4K than I ever thought she would. She's counting syllables, knows about magnetic poles, loves math and science, learning beginning addition, etc. So it was a good thing for her. And me too, I suppose.
So yes. I'm going to enjoy the time I have with her this summer because it might be the end of her baby stage. And I can't lie, I'm kind of sad.