I'm not emo tonight, pinky swears and glitter poop.
Tonight is Dear Sara and before I get to my other questions, here is my vlog question WITH the winner of the Long Journey Home giveaway:
2. I've never had kids but my friend who has a six month old keeps complaining that she pees her pants when she sneezes or laughs. I think she's just gross but she swears it's because she had a baby. Is that true or she messing with me? Well, while I can't speak for every woman who's had a baby (in particular those who've had a c-section) I can tell you that as a person who has push two babies through my vagina that yes, that's absolutely true. Now, for awhile I held the hope that eventually I wouldn't be at risk for pissing myself when I sneeze, laugh, run, lightly jog, jump up and down, bend over, etc... but I've been told that it's something I get to deal with forever. I do my Kegels, I keep my shit tight, yet I will still pee myself. It's awful but it's the sad truth. Buy your friend some light days pads when she has a cold, she'll need them.
3. Who is your favorite author and your favorite book? I can't say I have a favorite author but I can say I have a favorite book. Which would hands down be Linda Howard's "All The Queen's Men" because I love her books (romance/mystery novels) and her character in that book, John Medina, would be like my ultimate fantasy guy. Yumola.
4. What is your most and least favorite thing about yourself? I guess my least would be my anxiety/shyness when meeting new people. Sometimes I'm OK but other times I clam up. The most favorite thing is my honesty. I don't believe in hiding anything from people and I wish more people had the balls to just be upfront and honest.
5. I was talking with my married guy friend yesterday and we had sorta gotten onto the topic of threesomes. He is recently married within the past 7 months. My opinion is that threesomes are for those that are bored with their sex life or aren't fulfilled by their significant other. He replied to that saying, "he's married, not dead." What are your thoughts on threesomes? Or newly married guys bringing them up? I don't think he was asking me to have a threesome with him, but I get the vibe he wasn't 100% joking on the matter either. Thoughts? Well I can say I *probably* wouldn't participate in a threesome. I guess it would really depend. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing for a married couple to partake in such things, but I do think it's a bit strange that after being married such a short time it's come up. Unless it's something that's been discussed prior and now that they are married they feel more comfortable bringing in a third person? Either way, I've known a few people who have gone that route and it has never ended well so I would advise your friend against it.
6. I recently discovered my husband of one year has cheated on me. He says it was only one time, but I think it might have been more. Neither of us really want to get divorced but I don't know if I can forgive and forget. So should I just throw in the towel because cheaters will always cheat, or try to work it out since we've only been married a year? Well, I don't think the amount of time you've been married makes a difference, so just forget that. Things you should keep in mind: cheaters aren't always cheaters if they don't want to be. I don't know if you've started marriage counseling (it's a good idea to start) but usually when something like this happens you want to know why they did it. Please know that you will NEVER like the reason why they did it. Sometimes they'll blame you, sometimes they'll blame something or someone else, but the bottom line is that your spouse couldn't keep himself in check. No matter how awful you are or were, it doesn't justify what he did. So, keep that in mind too. Next, you should never forget it, but you should forgive. Forgiving doesn't mean you forget it, it just means you've accepted it's happened and you are going to move onto the solution and work together to make things better. That's what marriage is. It sucks and it's hard but that's what it is. I have been in this boat before and I know it's hard. I do suggest that you think about all of what you're dealing with and separate it all, then work through that list and decide what it is the MOST that bothers you. It might not be that he talked to a person, that he kissed a person, or even had sex with the person. For me it was about the fact he thought he could lie about it. That piece is what bothered me the most about Matt's infidelity. But you work through that (with marriage counseling- it's easier) and grow. And you know what? If at the end of the day, after counseling and talking together you decide that it's not fixable, THEN consider divorce. I think people throw the towel in too soon a lot of the time. Marriage isn't meant to be awesome all of the time. When times get tough (like they are this week for me) I think about my vows. I remember each and every line and know that I agreed to that, and my job is to work through it and make it better. So you can do that too. It's hard, it sucks and it's not easy, but it can be done.
Phew! Kind of a long Dear Sara! ;) If you have questions for next week.... let me know!