I try so hard to be a good mom, a good wife, a good daughter, a good friend and just a good person. I do. I try really hard and for the most part I feel like I do a good job at balancing everything and everybody. But sometimes... I just don't know. I've never been shy when I talk about the issues in my life and the things I deal with and there are lots of big things I've never told you all and some things I've never talked to anyone about. And maybe I won't... I don't know. But I feel like the purpose of my blog was never to get validation from other people, but just have you all as a sounding board. Like a group of friends I vent to and get feedback from. And that's helpful.l So for tonight.. I'm just going to vent.
- Sometimes I feel completely unloved and not respected at home. I work just as hard as Matt and sometimes I feel like because I'm not working full time that I'm not regarded as working as hard. But aside from my part time job I am the sole person running this house, taking care of the kids and keeping everyone moving and happy. It's hard work.
- I don't like being lied to. I wish people would understand that when you lie- it will ALWAYS come out eventually. I don't know why a person feels like they have to lie to me. I'm pretty laid back, open minded and understanding.
- And hiding something is just as bad as lying. Again, I will ALWAYS find out.
- My definition of cheating is when you do something you won't tell another person. If you have to hide it, you shouldn't be doing it.
- I feel disappointed in the choices I've made- I feel like maybe I wasted a part of my life on something that was never going to change.
- I don't want to talk to anyone and hear that they told me so. That doesn't help me or anything.
- I'm stressed out about Olivia starting Kindergarten. I feel like a part of me is getting older far beyond it's time.
- Sometimes I want to run away.
- I'm undecided how I want the rest of my life to play out.
- I just really want to not have to worry about another person's actions because it's always me that deals with their consequences.
- I don't know why people have to be so selfish.
- I don't understand how a person who say they were my friend could just disappear as if the friendship never meant anything at all. Without even being an adult and just talking to me. And then wonder why they are so lonely in life.
- I can't keep giving and not get anything back.
- I'm glad I have a really great group of core friends who make me smile and try to keep me going.
- I don't like marathon training.
- I miss living by an ocean.
"Oh brother, I can't, I can't get through.
I've been trying hard to reach you because I don't know what to do.
Oh brother, I can't believe it's true.
I'm so scared about the future, and I want to talk to you."
I hope this all blows over as quickly as it came because quite honestly, I just can't handle everything at once. I know people say God can't give you more than you can handle and that's just simply not true. It just really isn't.
I'll rally and bounce back for you tomorrow. Tomorrow is Dear Sara, with a VLOG (oh yes, it shall be back), so send me your questions at sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com or leave me a comment in this post. Ciao, bitches.