Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The facts about feet.

Feet are gross and for the most part, highly unattractive. Be that as it may, it doesn't mean you can just not take care of your feet. I don't care how poor you are, you absolutely CAN afford a $.97 pair of nail clippers. And if you are super poor, please recycle aluminum cans (because I know you're probably buying beer even though you're on welfare) and get yourself a nail brush which retails at Walmart for maybe another $.97.

And scrub your feet.

I cannot tell you how many people I've seen this summer who have nasty ass feet. Feet that have obviously not been scrubbed. If you have dirt under your nail or on the side? Your feet are still dirty. Just because you stood in a shower and let water and excess soap hit your feet doesn't mean you feet are clean. You actually need to bend your ass over and physically wash your feet.

Every summer it's a problem and every summer I hold back the urge to have a mini public service announcement in the middle of Walmart while standing on a case of Milwaukee's Best because it's a problem. It's an epidemic.

Now I get it- some people are lazy. They just can't be bothered. Which, to each his own, but if that's the case please for the mother loving baby jeebus, do not, under any circumstances wear sandals. Do not expose your feet. Do not trudge your hooves around and air our your fungal infection.

I can't afford pedicures very often, if I get two a year it's a good year. That doesn't mean I ignore my feet. I'm constantly using my pumice stone, trimming/filing my toenails so they are even and I keep them polished. If any toenail chips, you know I'm wearing socks until I can fix them because it's not attractive. It's absolutely disgusting to see completely unkempt feet. All of my life I have been hyper vigilant about feet because I think if you can't even keep your feet clean and looking decent- what else are you slacking on? Gross.

Oh. And before I forget- ladies? Long toenails are not cute. If your nail could be mistaken for a fingernail? TRIM THAT SHIT. If you could go rock climbing with your toenails? It's time you shorten them. If when wearing socks it looks like you shoved some daggers in there? You need to cut those bitches. And please don't file them into points. Your toenails should be a round or a square with round corners shape. There is no other acceptable shape for your toenails to be in- it looks crazy and kind of scary. Your feet shouldn't look like they belong to a troll.

So yes. I wish there was some kind of Foot Hygiene Awareness group or something. As you can tell, I have experienced some pretty effing disgusting foot encounters recently and it's driving me nuts.

7 comments:

Mrs. Fruit said...

Wow, EXACTLY. I have been suffering bad morning sickness for the last month, and my gag reflex is overly sensitive. The other week I was at an outdoor summer gathering where there were A LOT of exposed feet. Everywhere I looked there was another gnarly yellow long-toenailed foot. I had to stop myself from visibly gagging.

prettylittlereckless said...

I don't know what's worse, people who have those nasty ass feet or getting a pedicure and seeing that pair of feet next to you wondering what the manicurist is thinking as she touches said feet. lol

gotta admit, I loved the part where you mentioned Milwaukee's Best. lmao. you're awesome Sara :)

Shirley said...

I love you for this post! And I definitely think we need to email about stories!

Ryan Adair said...

AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA. OMFG. I got a pedi today because my pigs were looking... not cute... but when I went, the lady told me I had pretty feet. I thought to myself.. "UGH, she's got to see some rotten ass feet to thing MINE are pretty" Pedi's are def part of my budget. I'd rather have clean feet than clean water. Dirty feet are NAST-TAY!

SpiritPhoenix said...

I too am very aware of feet. I have been letting mine go way to long lately. But, I do have an excuse....I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant. I refuse to subject anyone else to my feet. So every other week, I force myself to hoist my foot on the bathroom counter and trim my toenails or paint them etc.

I do try to to the pumice stone in the shower every day...or every other day at least.

And even with all that my feet are still bugging me. Ugh....

Pregnancy sucks balls when you have to reach your feet for something...anything.

And don't get me started on shaving my legs. Oy!

Ang said...

I agree with ya girl, but probably not to that extreme.
For me, if my toes have chipped polish, i just take the polish off and wear nothing. Does that make you feel stabby too?
Here's the thing, rather than having chipped polish, I KNOW my toenails are groomed perfectly, so I can rock bare toenail without having it look funky, some people can do that.

I have to stop talking about feet now. thanks. gross.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

I do the same thing as Ang. I keep my toenails in good condition so they look good naked.

And thanks for reminding me about the Beast from Milwaukee. Brings back lots of college memories.